We're gonna do what they say can't be done: Record a podcast about road trips. In fact, we've already done it! It's here right now, and you can listen to it. It really wasn't even that hard, actually. I don't know why they're so adamant that it can't be done.

Which brother are you? Take this quiz to find out. Don't care? Take it anyway. This is a state-mandated quiz, and you won't be able to apply for jobs without having completed it.

If you haven't yet gotten rich by following one of our roughly ten thousand get rich quick schemes we've offered on this podcast, then this episode is probably not for you. We're switching it up; instead of telling you how to get rich, we're now telling you how to act once you've become rich. Call it Step 2.

After 172 episodes, we've outgrown podcasting. It's time to turn this podcast into a movie. I'm sure you're thinking, "Hasn't that been the premise, for, like, half a dozen episodes?" The answer, surprisingly, is TECHNICALLY no. So there.

Are you old? If so, this podcast may help you to stay in shape. Are you young? Then I hate you.

We have grown tired of managing our vast collection of merchandise, and have decided to boil it all down into one single, irresistible ur-product. This will, at the same time, sell more units and allow us to fire our entire staff. It's win-win, as long as you don't count all the losers.

In 1981, whatever the Canadian version of the CIA is, scoured their northern wastes for the nation's horniest teens. They then had them write and animate an entire feature film. Fully forty years later, whatever the American version of the Canadian CIA is, gave copies of this movie to four brothers so they could make jokes about it on their podcast. This is that podcast.

Who was the 30th president of the United States? What's the capital of Idaho? Where does your daughter go to school? Obviously you don't know the answers to any of these questions, and yet you definitely know that nothing freshens your breath like the power of Big Red. That's because our world's greatest scientists aren't working on global warming or curing cancer; they're creating jingles that are scientifically formulated to stick inside a human brain for twice the half life of selenium-82. That's a radioactive atom with a really long half life, by the way. You'd know that if the First National Bank jingle wasn't taking up space in your head.

Boo! Did I scare you? No? Good, because that's not the kind of fear we're talking about here. This episode is more about the kind of fear that prevents you from doing basic things.

Hypothetically, it's not a crime to open someone else's mail if they don't care that you did, right? What about if they don't know that you did? That's basically the same thing, right? The defense rests, your honor.