There is a movie called Doctor Detroit. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. I feel like I've committed a crime just by informing you of its existence. It is not good, and it is not so-bad-it's-good. It's just nothing. You will hear us describe things; crazy, fantastical, hilarious-sounding things; but I can promise you they are not worth seeing for yourself.

Remember the good ol' days when Grant used to just steal other people's ideas? We should go back to that. Because the alternative is this, and I think we can all agree that ideas like this one should have remained locked away from the world. Also, Matt's audio cuts out in this one, so he'll disappear for awhile, then suddenly make a comeback, so get ready for that.

Four spy agencies have been summoned to a clandestine meeting - but for what purpose? And by who? Whom? Whomst? Is it whomst? Damn it, this is going to drive me nuts...

Ready, set, go! That was the beginning of the contest that we're starting. Why are we staging a global contest? I don't know. How do we stand to profit from it? No idea. What does the winner get? Riches...? No time to think about any of that, the race started eight sentences ago.

This episode is like drilling for oil. We dig around for awhile without finding much, but eventually we discover the real topic we were looking for. Unfortunately, that episode will have to wait until later.

In this episode, we play Dungeons & Dragons. Wait, where are you going? Hold on, I promise it's worth it!

It will definitely help if you know Uncle Hammer. If not, well, just pretend that everything Matt says is hilarious.

If you're in the market for an evil base of operations, this episode contains must-have information for the first time lair buyer. When you're searching for the right lair to help you take over the world, remember the three key rules: Domination, domination, domination.

Society may have overthrown itself many times over throughout history, but no matter how far you go back you will find sad, desperate men graphically reproducing their genitals in the misguided hope that it will somehow lead to intercourse.

Every four years the denizens of the local railyards gather together to determine, through friendly competition, which living hobo today is the true heir to the legacy of the mythical Greek half god/half hobo, Hobercules. His exploits will be celebrated in rusty boxcars the world over.

Also, listen to Cory "What Are Sports?" Siefker demonstrate a surprisingly sophisticated knowledge of Olympic sports.

We play the "what if" game on the FLAP (Free Legal Advice Podcast) this week. When it's FLAPpin' time, we don't mess around. What if we were the mayor of a small town?