Freedomain with Stefan Molyneux

Dear Stef-

I’m writing to you because of recent events that have transpired in my marriage. A few months ago my husband called his longterm ex girlfriend and a few days ago, I discovered that he had her phone number saved in his phone.

We have been together 6.5 years and married for over 2 years. We both have a history of family dysfunction, as well as relationship dysfunction.

Our current marriage is my 4th and his 2nd.

My husband and I were alike in many ways (before I was introduced to you)- hyper independent and completely disrespectful of the opposite sex.

We both “self sabotaged” our relationships and both of us were extremely selfish and lacked empathy. We’ve both had emotionally immature ways of dealing with conflict. I’ve slowly learned how to handle my anger and hurt in more appropriate ways through listening to your podcasts.
He has listened to a few of your podcasts with me, but he still struggles with accepting the truth and reality of who his family is and how they affect his life. I, however, have defoo’d from my entire family, with exception of my brother (who recently passed) and my cousin. (Both of my parents are now deceased. )

About 3 months into my current relationship, my brother began sharing your videos with me. The two that he sent me were “My girlfriend is in the attic” and “The dangers of dating a super model”. Those two videos are permanently burned into my brain. They began the profound change in my life that I had been so desperately seeking. I knew that I was screwed up, but I didn’t know how to change. Your brutally honest way of explaining things was EXACTLY what I needed to finally call myself out on my BS excuses for living such a morally bankrupt lifestyle. I will NEVER be able to repay my brother, nor you, for permanently altering my life for the better.

Once you opened my eyes to what an absolute POS I was and had been for 40 years, I was overcome with grief and regret. I changed my mindset so drastically that my closest friends were left in shock.

I now believe that I should fulfill my role as a woman and no longer feel the need to “be a man” or “not need a man”. Physically, my body is paying for “being a man” for the previous 40 years. I chose to completely change my lifestyle. I gave up my 18 year career and my horse ranch and dog rescue to move in with my current husband. I gave up my comfortable 6 figure salary to become a housewife. I gave up my dream home to move into an older house that is literally falling apart. The trade was worth it because the bond and commitment that I have with husband is more than I could have ever imagined possible.

There have been so many times that I felt like I was going to burst at the seams because I so desperately wanted everyone around me to have this opportunity to live a life that isn’t full of mistrust and deception. I would share your videos and thoughts, only to be met with complete rage from other women. I gave up on offending people with the truth and decided to just accept the reality that most people aren’t searching for answers or truth.

It seems like every time my husband and I have a conflict, we reasonably work things out and are closer afterwards. This one conflict has been the exception. I’m hurt. I feel embarrassed and disrespected by him. He has given me a few BS Non apologies and admitted that he was wrong- but in the same breath has tried to blame me for him calling her. He wants this to just go away and us get back to how we have always been. He says it was just a “stupid decision” and that he has always had her number saved. I need to figure out who is the bigger dumbass- him or me? And WHY did he do this?

Philosopher Stefan Molyneux takes a variety of wild philosophical and personal questions!

Is there any good reason for a random male to end up in your partner's inbox.

I think the saying "slide into the DMs" is about a nerfarious man sending out the instant messenger equivalent of cold calls.

Any thoughts, stef ?


Have you watched the recent Star Wars show called and/or and would you be considering doing a review ?


I’m a 45 yr old woman getting married 28 Jan to the man of my dreams I found by a miracle after much self knowledge acquired by years of listening to you but I feel still feel paralyzed and lots of anxiety about being the center of attention likely due to extreme neglect and narcissistic upbringing. This may need to be a call in show but any advice to jumpstart my actions and if not can you schedule a call in with me soonest?


If you intellectually understand a problem, but have difficulty internalizing emotionally, does this indicate you have to dig for a deeper understanding? Or can some things simply be “hard pills to swallow” and the emotions will calm down in time?


When having a discussion with someone recently they said that I'm not light hearted enough and never take an answer at face value and just keep asking.

I assume this is a sophistic tactic, is it ?


recently had a friend commit suicide. Second friend in 8 months from the same friend group. We had talked about that first friend before. Now I'm trying to figure if I should stay around this group of friends in this dark time of if I should distance myself for my own sake.


Do you think the move towards atheism and away from the church is not because of “love of the science” but actually caused misplaced anger at a couple generations of selfish parents?


how does a harshly self-critical alter-ego manifest itself in relationships to other people? Does it desire connections that allow the alter-ego to feed off of the flaws of others


Hey Stef how do I reclaim my assertiveness. I was the youngest in my family & I had be very deferential to survive, now I'm a very agreeable adult.


grew up in a university town, my grandfather moved here to teach...my entire youth was spent with overly wealthy kids of never there parents, weed, cocaine, booze, insane at that young age..


I’ve gotten frustrated with the “manosphere” community. Seems like a green light for young guys to indulge in hedonism & avoid starting a family. No real mention of religion either.


Do you think your view of the world is worse than things actually are because you always talk with dysfunctional people in the call ins?


Why is it that UPB & NAP are never discussed between pubic figures? I’ve noticed just as an average man with some status in my community that UPB brings great understanding and build a foundation for other reality based conversations.



Do you think the move towards atheism and away from the church is not because of “love of the science” but actually caused misplaced anger at a couple generations of selfish parents?

SPOILERS!

Well it's very long, and very blue - as for art, is it true?

Philosopher Stefan Molyneux takes questions from Freedomain listeners:

https://freedomain.locals.com

Fauci Twitter files releasing today... We will just find out what we already know but what people will not do is key. So programmed.

What do you think of the term 'conspiracy theorist' from a philosophical context?

Hi Stef! Why do so many people lack any semblance of discretion with strangers nowadays, especially in professional settings? I can't scroll through LinkedIn without every other post being some woman talking about her abortion experience or a screed about destigmatizing an STD they caught. Is nothing private anymore?

What’s your take on people who want to get you drunk or constantly fill your drinks, but aren’t drinking themselves? Is that a way of dominating or making sure you’re “safe”? I’ve had that happen twice in the last 4 years in family type gatherings. In both cases they were older men – one severely depressed, the other was generally submissive to his wife – a “nice guy” type.

What are your thoughts having “guilty pleasure” media you enjoy? I was rewatching Pulp Fiction the other day, a movie I’ve loved for 25 years, and couldn’t help but realize “this movie has no virtue.” I’ve always thought of it as a guilty pleasure but now I can’t find redeeming value in watching it and turned it off halfway through. Do you have an guilty pleasures that you can still enjoy or have you come around on a movie and realized “this is actually trash and unhealthy”

On my flight today a purple hair 20 something year old lady with a full blown gas mask on! Unbelievable!!!

Stef why do females root for the underdog? Even when it’s clearly stupid or pointless? Ty!

Some parents seem to be unable to admit their mistakes or take responsibility for their past actions. If I cared about my children’s futures, I’d easily admit my past mistakes – “Don’t do it! Why? Because I did it and now I have deep regrets to this day and you can still see the consequences in my life.” If you still indulge in bad habits as a parent, the least you could say would be “Don’t do like I do”, right? Granted, I haven’t ruined marriages, abandoned my children or committed crimes.

What’s your policy regarding pocket money for children? At what point should they try to make their own money to buy bigger things like bicycles, electronic gadgets etc.? I know some parents buy expensive items for their children, but some encourage summer work. It seems beneficial in the long term, but it can create envy and resentment towards the other children and their own parents in short term.

Do you think that familial trauma was a result of the violence and trauma of early human evolution, during the transition from animal to something smarter? Could it have been possible in your opinion that we evolved actually peacefully initially, and that some abusive people dominated and threw us all into a cycle of abuse that people will either escape through momentous efforts in self knowledge, or stay trapped within?

Why do people use the phrase "agree to disagree" when they disagrree with you? Is this just an admission that they lack the capacity to form a coherent argument?

Hey Stef.
What is philosophy? I heard you put it in an easily understandable way the other day- Philosophy is learning from wisdom/first principles as opposed to learning through pain/experience. Does this sound right?
Also.. what are first principles?
Thanks.

Your shows got me through the darkest days and have helped me into the sunshine. I'm still in recovery, but thanks to you I'm good & aiming at the "better than I was before" stage. "Thanks" isn't enough, I'll send you the cadillac when I'm able !!

Hi Stef! My husband and I have a daughter who is currently 7 months old. We want to set her up for success when it comes to her finding friends among her peers. Given how many parents prefer corporal punishment these days, our concern is keeping her safe by not exposing her to that den of dysfunction. From past shows you’ve done it sounds like your daughter has managed to find other children she enjoys spending time with. Do you have any tips for us on strategies you found useful?

Philosopher Stefan Molyneux answers subscriber questions from

https://freedomain.locals.com

Theranos, FTX et al provide good examples of what to avoid!

Thanks to the subscribers for the wonderful questions!

Use the promo code below for MORE!

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I think I suffer from an over-active amygdala. I often easily get "triggered" and experience adrenaline release, shaking hands and voice, and find it very embarrassing as it also impacts my ability to rationalize my thoughts. I want to be able to stay calm in tense situations, particularly when I am facing a conflict or a disagreeable person.

Do you have any advice on how to train myself to remain calm? I am frankly sick and tired of trying to calm myself down, appearing weak in difficult situations, and replaying these situations back in my head afterwards. I find I have diminished self-respect after experiencing one of these events.


Do you have any thoughts on why tragedy in art, in the Shakespearean sense, has completely vanished? Movies, TV shows, plays, etc.
I feel in my gut like these tragedies missing from the art landscape is a real problem/done on purpose... But I can't quite formulate an argument as to why.


Do you have any advice on how to best detach from family's shame? I know I've been raised to manage my parent's irresponsibility and shame. In other words, they (and some of my siblings) either couldn't process their own shame and inflicted it upon me or used it as a manipulation tool against me. I'm the youngest one in the family.

Whenever they fail, I feel like it's my responsibility to shield them from consequences or I should somehow help them. When someone from my family of origin does something embarrasing and I get to know about it from a third person, it sometimes feels even worse. I'm working through this issue and getting angry at this situation helps, but not entirely.

I've defooed from most of my family as they've treated me badly in the past and even in recent years. The one sibling I have the best relationship with still keeps in contact with my family of origin and sometimes likes to complain or talk about it. I've asked him not to do that, but I still got that morbid curiosity in me and this topic slips into our conversations from time to time. I've even ignored or blocked some family members to deny them access to me via text as to avoid them triggering me.


I just listened to a call-in show where you mentioned wanting to buy glasses and getting annoyed at a saleswoman for not warning you about extra expenses and her getting extremely anxious as a reaction. Her repetitive compulsion was to provoke anger in others.

But why is it that showing excess fear and stress provokes aggression in others? Is it the primal need to dominate? I've been on both sides in these situations. I remember my aggression towards someone like that had something to do with feeling of power - feeling better than/superior. In the opposite scenario I managed past fears of making mistakes thus annoying those around me.

With greater self-knowledge now I treat others better in such situations, but I'm still struggling with provoking others, assuming they're not total assholes to begin with. I know this comes from my childhood, but why it is easier to learn to treat others better than myself?

Philosopher Stefan Molyneux answers questions!

Also, some stuff about Twitter! :)

Wednesday Night Live 7 Dec 2022 - with Stefan Molyneux!