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HO HO HO! Those are just three of the noises you’ll be making as you plough through this unpleasantly long Xmas self-indulgence which is fast becoming an annual tradition, nay, chore!

So pull up a mince pudding and mull some cranberry sauce and join us by the fire as we look back at another bloody year of the Trap sodcasts. As well as the usual parade of Metro is shits, spotteds, blesses and hates we bring back some old favourites that have been allowed to sit in the corner of the Trap attic and gather rust. We think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. We are, of course, wrong.

Anyway, as if that wasn’t more than enough, we round off the year with an ear-curdling Xmas episode of Event Horizon Crescent which features an extended and pithy reference to a film that is only 13 years old!

JINGLE BELM!

Well this week’s podcast is short and sloppy. Which is how you like it. You pervert.

Anyway, we cover a lot of ground and blow a lot of hot air and then piss off, leaving you gasping for Event Horizon Crescent. Which follows. Does anyone even read these bits? I mean I write em every time, but I don’t put much thought in so I wouldn’t blame you for not reading them. They tell you nothing, after all. I might stop bothering. Or just leave up that stupid cod latin that acts as a placeholder. You lot wouldn’t give a shit would you. Charming. Well thank you, thank you VERY much.

Well where the bloody hell have we been? Eh? No note! No phone call! Nothing!

Oh what, so we think we can just breeze in and out of your lives without a care in the world, have our fun with your ears for an hour or so and then just up and leave for a month? Well we can forget it buster!

Anyway, here we are, back again, the usual shit then EHC. Hope it makes up for our behaviour. You know we loves ya, right babes? You be the only audience for us.

Well it’s us again, swiftly abandoning any plans for a Hallowe’en special or a return to the happy days of Paul’s food poisoning tales. However, we do get a chance to catch up on some of the many reasons Metro is shit and give our own very special tributes to Norman Wisdom (although we forgot Manimal had also carked it so consider this bit in brackets to be his tribute).

Also, stay tuned for what may well turn out to be the first ever episode of Event Horizon Crescent to win an Oscar! You know, cos it’s good. I know they don’t give Oscars to podcasts but I’m just saying... oh fuck you then, fuck you.

Welcome back! This week it’s business as usual as we start a fight with another ‘Sodcast’ and hear a wonderful whimsical tale of Paul’s anus. If you’re eating you might want to finish up before getting stuck into this week’s offering is all I’m saying.

Anyway, you can wash your mouth out with another generous helping of Event Horizon Crescent. That’s the great thing about Crezzie, it hardly ever makes you retch.

We’re back!! Again. Unfortunately, we recorded this sodcast a couple of days before the comments for the last one went batshit so we only really scratch the surface of those pearls of wisdom but perhaps we’ll cover them next time.

What we do cover will blow your fucking mind though. But not as much as... oh yes... the return of Event Horizon Crescent! It’s bigger, bolder and, most importantly, longer than ever. And you thought we’d done all the jokes, hah! Well... so what if we have?

We abandon hectic rehearsals for Bad Musical (Etcetera Theatre Camden, 27-29 August at 9pm, tickets £7.50) to record this very special rambling sodcast. Covering the most heated topics as always, we finally get round to recording Carla Lane’s In Atlantis and we swear perhaps more than ever so quite a treat for fans of barrack-room language.

Anyway, stay listening to the end for a very special trailer for the upcoming return of everyone’s favourite space-based soap, Event Horizon Crescent.

We’re 40 today! To celebrate we deal with the most important issues of the day including a man who collects crisp packets like a tool and try to work out what the best thing Noel Edmonds has done is... could it be this: http://bit.ly/WCPF0

Have your say on our poll! No Event Horizon Crescent again this week as we’re still hard at work on Bad Musical (27-29 August at Etcetera Theatre, Camden). Buy tickets now from www.camdenfringe.org

After our Spanish superbness last time, it’s a bit of a dip in quality this week as we decide it’s high time we did a shit one. So we burble on about absolutely nothing and, in the process, libel a bunch of people. So it’s very important that we point out that everything we say about everybody in this weeks sodcast is entirely untrue and we apologise unreservedly to the offended parties. Sorry offended parties.

Ola! We’re in Spain this week, so it seems entirely appropriate that we perform a special Aveline from Bread tribute episode of On Buddy Holly’s Plane by Carla Lane. Otherwise that might have seemed in poor taste.