The statistics related to domestic violence are sobering, but the story behind them is even more complex—and too often misunderstood. In this episode, we dig into how popular frameworks for understanding domestic violence took hold and how survivors play a role in shaping those frameworks - and thereby enhancing our understanding of abuse.

Our guests, Melissa Scaia and Dr. Lisa Young Larance, bring decades of frontline practice, research, and program design to this conversation. Melissa explains how the Duluth Model emerged from listening sessions, and why anger management fails when entitlement—not emotion—is the root of abuse. Lisa introduces the “arrest web,” showing how coercive partners weaponize preferred arrest policies and police interviews, leading to survivors over confessing while abusers stay calm and quiet. We examine plea pressures, court silencing, criminalized survivors and the ripple effects of probation and child protection that can replicate intimate harm. We also discuss how oppression theory and intersectionality help to explain why women of color are arrested more and believed less, regardless of stand-your-ground or duty-to-retreat frameworks. Practical takeaways include better police questioning, expert-informed court processes, and agency support that moves beyond the victim–offender binary to truly increase safety and autonomy.