Who knew that the best defense was not playing defense at all?! Turns out single-elimination soccer is super fun (and terrifying but mostly fun), especially when you unleash the choo-choo. This week, Sounders could pull the plug on Rimando’s career if anyone is still able to walk after 420 minutes of soccer on Saturday. Bring your kids, bring your wives, because Utah’s in town.

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This week, the Sounders go into the SINGLE ELIMINATION playoffs on the back of two 1-0 wins, but more importantly, Jordan Morris might own Cuba now? Frisco, Texas, is a place where both GI Joe Cobra and Cobra Kai live (and apparently are beloved) and Canada is a place where the gravy is king!  Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to Turfboni, let’s rub some grass.

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Say no to kids robbing you, and yes to Roman Torres! Nico’s beard gets the attention it deserves, and we preview the infinite void created by the small vacuum that are international breaks before the postseason begins. As our players travel far and wide through the infinite, unending space (and Sweden), we celebrate Kelvin Leerdam winning the inaugural Golden Clog! Don’t tweet, and don’t get fired. See you never!

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Ozzie Alonso’s force ghost is back and he has a chip on his shoulder. Sounders sneak away from the Longest (not underwater) bar in North America because of Jordan Morris’ sexy feet, and they need three points to secure second in the west. Arreaga has a case of the soft reds (hey, Pepto Bismol) just in time for our Big Boi’s LITERALLY historic dreads to return to action.

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Sounders FC are in Pemco commercial standoff “you have the last piece, no really I mean it, you sure? Does anyone else want it? No no I’m actually full anyway, are you for real sure?” fight for a spot in the playoffs with six other teams. Seattle travels to the Longest Outdoor Bar in North America Stadium to find a Mai Tiebreaker and we are forced to get serious...AGAIN.

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The army of clones in Rave Green march their way back home to decisively (and terrifyingly) beat the Red Bulls, but it’s the next few that count. We talk fans leaving, V-Rod coming back, and the weird feels of a quiet stadium.

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A ragtag group of children go to Colorado and get beat by a bleached brazilian who may or may not have a brazilian. We join Fan Outrage to get mad at international breaks and talk about just how much the next 5 matches mean for the Sounders. Buckle up, because Wavictor Wadriguez has the wheel, and who knows what New York is bringing.

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A ragtag group of children go to Colorado and get beat by a bleached brazilian who may or may not have a brazilian. We join Fan Outrage to get mad at international breaks and talk about just how much the next 5 matches are for the Sounders. Buckle up, because Wavictor Wadriguez has the wheel, and who knows what New York is bringing.

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Just like Sumo in September, we’re back! Just in time to see LITERALLY (not literally) EVERY PLAYER leave. Sounders break out the jazz piano for Kitman to play left back (‘member when we had 3?) and Cristian Roldan is best friends with Ciara. Colorado is bad, but Hey baby, they hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs with their new coach.

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Yes, we had THAT conversation. Could you fire your own dad? Sounders‘ new dad is Zlatan and they are one bad result from being below the line. Cascadia Cup is up for grabs as Sounders travel to a LITERAL butt to play the Timbers, a team they haven’t beat this year. Don’t buy Timber Joey’s Etsy wares.

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