Full 90 Soccer Time

Is time real? Are birds real? Is any of this world real? Harry Shipp left the Sounders to go wrestle with some of life’s existential questions and left the rest of us behind IN ORLANDO WITH CALEB PORTER. Sounders sign two new players, but really they just signed one really tall man who is 100% definitely old enough to buy beer. You can tell by his mustache.

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Quick, three beers! The New Episode of Full 90 Soccer Time Tournament is back and we are taking a look at all groups of the MLS is Back tournament, except stupid boring group A, which sucks. We STILL don’t know how to watch the soccer, but the soccer is coming. We also discovered a lizard bird, so you’re welcome.

 

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Dallas, Vancouver, and San Jose all walk into an Orlando for some freaky group stuff with Seattle, Fartland gets picked last, and we’re going to tell Group F we are just going out for a pack of smokes then leave them in Florida. MLS is Back Tournament draw is...back? No Gregr, so go give us 69 stars on iTunes k thx.

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MLS is Back and Chicago finally has a chance to win the World Cup. Scuba Steve knows that July and August could spell disaster for the Sounders, but we’ll all be up at 6am to see how it goes. Would you want to see this tournament every year? Also, hot jaw massage!

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Our DEFINITELY weekly look into Seattle Sounders FC. We could be getting close to an MLS return unless players and the league can’t figure out who gets Danny Leyva in the custody battle and how to spend as little time in Orlando as possible. Also, find out which stadium in California is certified for you to do your business in!

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Times are bleak when even our biggest-bois can’t compete. If one player were to have no impulse control and get a face tattoo, we all know who it would be. Somehow we got Roger Levesque to talk to us this week, but you have to sit through our insufferable bits before you get to hear him. Sit down, tune in, and draw us like one of your French girls.

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Well, this was uploaded to the wrong feed so it never went live here. Good job, Gregr. We don’t know when we’ll soccer again, but we do know that Sumo has not, will not, and shant ever let us down. This week on Full 90 Sumo Time we talk favorite wrestlers in no particular order, why we should glorify their fatness, and we give the well deserved shoutouts to David’s mom, Dijanet.

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Seattle’s third most famous celebrity joins Full 90 Soccer Time this week as we break down the hottest soccer league hopefully getting some of that foreign royalty cash. Quarantine has made us terrible at small talk, but great at joking about the inevitability of our eventual death, so we have that going for us. Please bring soccer back so we have something to talk about. 

 

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Do you miss sports? Do you miss haircuts? We can’t fix either of those things, but we can make dildo jokes and talk about Nico’s new facial hair. We’re all trying to make sense of the world and our new lives right now, and we can’t fix the sports thing, but come goof around with us for a few minutes and we hope it makes your day a bit better. Stay safe.

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The Coronavirus has postponed the MLS season, at least for now, but what will the state of the league be after 30 days, and do we all need to buy bidets? The 25th season of MLS will be one we’ll never forget, but probably not for the reasons they wanted. Wipe your butts, wash your hands, and stay away from us for this special edition pod that no one asked us to record.

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