Full Bloom

hey guys passionate man tyne counters bright and hackney back in the bath again early bath today cuz i've got my show tonight and I couldn't go day without doing my diary I'm just kind of addicted now to it so although i was going to kind of leave it and do it maybe tomorrow okay no war I need to tell world outside everything every small detail now about my incredibly exciting life which you know to cermak
probably isn't but it's all about the archives for me isn't it and this is after all part of my greater art piece witches in my life and God a media and everything else anyway you can turn off if it's boring so went to work really really set the alarm for like eight o'clock and it was like so early with people that you see completely different people that I normally I don't get out the house till like midday and there's a whole different kind of society and subculture out there on the level at eight o'clock in the morning one night it was nine o'clock by the time I picked up my printing and everything printing is actually amazing got to the gallery
laid everything out decided where I was going to put everything and there's only six individual pieces I think but it's quite stressful actually making the decision about getting it right and then using the right adhesive to get stuff to stay on the wall and hoping to God that things are straight and do all these things I actually ended up taking about four hours so you know it's not just a matter of a blob of blue tack and whack it on there it goes I've also used a dick because I web

paperless and the gallery brighton arts clubs always been paperless because I just hate wasting paper paper should be for painting on or creating it shouldn't be for making stuff that thing goes in the bin or short-term communicative projects you know that just get dog-eared and then thrown away I don't know it just seems like really a bit criminal so I'm I've just got a big black marker pen and written all my details actually straight onto the wall and it looks really [ __ ] good really really good I just loved it I made one spelling mistake which we will blame on Rihanna because

it was umbrella and as I was let's go so umbrella doesn't have any in it but you wouldn't write a song and say umbrella ella ella Amborella would you if it didn't have an e in it so I stupidly went with that and then thought I'd check it on my phone and lo and behold there was no in it but that's the only spelling mistake I've made at least the only one I've noticed so I might come along tonight and say anything it's about your name wrong Pleasure probably written Pasha because I'm having a posh day today and boycott was absent [ __ ] nightmare he'd laid out one of my posters of my friend cath who's beautiful in the picture that she did for me is absolutely amazing I'm really hope she likes it so I had an art print done and I laid it out over a shopping trolley because it was high up and I didn't think the cats forget it and then I turn over two seconds and boy cats just like bang in the middle of it so I'm just so upset so completely really really anti-boycott today and he's obviously attention-seeking because you know I'm busy or whatever and they can tell when something's going to happen later on they get kind of excited or whatever

anyways some people have walked past the gallery and boycott was just sitting there looking out and sent this woman really [ __ ] rough as old boots woman you know the type I hate judging like this these people make me snobby and but she just went early look at their air and started slating my beautiful boy very upsetting and then she noticed me up with Lee and I scowled and you know did all that does he looks dirty looks and they thought backtracked and then scurried along [ __ ] plebs stay away from my gallery and my cats anyway downstairs in the the private members

I'm I will open it later on tonight after the general populace...

the one thing about being a characters I don't like pretentious people in another quite a few isn't that pretentious yes I'm just well it's like justice yeah there's thing about branding yourself as well so I'm just exploring that moment because your status I used to be a stuck is I'm not anymore

yes mr. Belton the other the brightness stuck is to be most annoyed if I caught myself or had anything to do with stuck assume well that's what I thought at first but he got very angry with me one night and we had for a bit for falling out and he sent me an email saying I was not to use the word stuck it in any form thrown out well the brightness stuck is true but of course I still got friends the London not like ello ello guru and sexy Ming that's what I thought so don't you don't use text by nature not by two so I'm stuck is by nature yes

that's right that's where it comes yeah the successor comes in there would be above that in our more didn't grade I'm gonna better grade now I've better a high level than that they're stuck I'm gonna be only lift myself up I'm a superstar we emigrated to Brighton in 71 my father used to be a was Scottish he emigrated estate in 57 and ended other Creedmoor just New York State so I get this right Creedmoor the state's Creedmoor state mental facility in New York and you might have treated Lou Reed a 17-year you read gave him electric electro convulsive therapy that's a maybe can't be

can't be proven but he was there 1959 when he's 17 but my father definitely treated a dying Woody Guthrie really cutter he was there with Houghton syndrome Henderson's and he's treated by my father my father was first be promoted there but they wouldn't they they still didn't like Brits or something there's some politics so he got fed up and decided to move back to England and we ended up in Brighton no he just is just a pin in the map they've been anywhere bit of a mess too small I've got my mum but my mum's my landlady she built a deck and the garden God used to be a waste

ground for new decking it's been 3 grand on it and I just cover it it's a scrap yard so he's a when it's sunny like there sometimes I do some building outside so I third studio my dad's old office stroke surgeries my studio and that's just next door to that so I've got a lot of space now on them just do you open it not yet no it has just been made habitable now well it is safe but it's just crammed it's still got carpet and stuff that was she been throwing out yonks ago but because my mum was gonna I couldn't eat my mum painting techniques but she and she's supposed to get the skip round but she never got around to doing it so I was just taking over really she said she's back in Florida so I've just taken over

I've still got paintings of the bees mouse gallery that's yes

yes it's all over I've got I still got about ten works but they're they're from that five years ago and they they're quite smaller a4 size right in the top upstairs bar things of Benny Hill and Charles tolls for tree and Tommy Cooper and there's one of Tom Waits and well they all acrylic right and there's well Billy childish and a cheese matchbox bill and disaster and is Bowie but they do tend to get moved around but they simply they're the biggest ones they're twice they've got a to size so now that your ear allegiance is not no longer stuck it's the brightest thing well you just have to do it yourself ready and I'm going home now I've having my own contacts they are full mentioned mister

otters and Mr Amos and ashamed and a few others of contacts or admirers of crowd so initially I was a bit worried than thought oh dear I'm gonna be thrown out you know I'll be ostracized and other one you found out I've been a bit worried because I didn't get any feedback from you recently other oh dear I've been ostracized nice but the world start again and especially film of Tobey Amos has done film with me not...

hello everybody poshte Valentine counter to quite an acne oh what a day I had today backwards and forwards between venues that was the main thing and I think it's quite healthy for me because my neck seems to be improving the pain isn't quite so bad and just kind of keeping my weight down I must do that journey three four times a day and it's only got ten minutes there but you add that up that's like 10 20
do you mean before you know it I mean some days I probably spend an hour walking and I walked really really quickly as well because I'm usually like desperate to get somewhere or somebody's waiting for me then you won and that's what happened today the guys had come early to pick up their stuff from the party um friday was it yeah like the big party had on friday and but the big big big excitement of my day and I don't know why I got so excited about this but I really did last night I'd phone just as I was leaving and the gallery I was getting really upset about my Brock toilet and which I probably didn't mention I'm not mentioned in passing but I was just so gross so how how people could do that we bolted the door and padlocked it and put an out of order sign on it so it was impenetrable you couldn't get in there and we turned the gents into a unisex Lou made it really clean and lovely in the three rhinos in to look balls so it's plenty space for everybody
but no not good enough somebody broke the door down and did a poop in a toilet that was blocked why would you do that I can't understand who in their right mind would do that and I gone upstairs and I was standing there looking at this three people and I'm saying to them why why are you standing in basically sewage slurry having a chat why are you doing that Oh probably because you're completely of your tits are guessing I mean I don't know so anyway I was getting really really depressed about the state of my losses because you know I'm really proud of the cloud room lots of other people have told me that it's a massive problem for club owners and pugs and pretty much every
weekend they get blocked and they have to get somebody in so I finally admitted defeat after like seven bottles of acid and which hadn't worked so I'd found this guy I just put into google drain man and this this couple of guys these partners just came up on every site everywhere will unblock your drain down at a time brought your toilet whatever fixed price it's a one hundred forty quid I was expecting to pay five six seven eight hundred don't know how much I was expecting to pay but really I was very very worried I thought it might have broken my business well it wouldn't have but I just had to you know like really pulled the stops out just to pay for that so 140 pounds last that was just that yeah yeah that's brilliant brilliant please come and do my come and do them tomorrow but he'd taken down my number wrong there wasn't get back to me so this was another call that I got saying hello it's a J
ane man i'm outside your premises so had to leg it from the gallery to here for that as well so anyway his friend had gone to his partner mother's business probably gone to a funeral so he had this like van with some kind of pump in the back and these really really long huge tubes which he dumped unblock the end with a pin so it's obviously like some spray thing and so he went all the way upstairs but because his partner was away he asked me to turn this lever which was just like oh this is really exciting it's like something I've never done before and he gave me a walkie-talkie and he said when I shout do it now do it now turn the lever so what coincidentally a voice came on it sounded a bit like a woman but I just turned the lever but it was just making so much noise and he told me to keep it on for 20 but I just couldn't do that and I knew that I had to do at the right time because if it is at the wrong time and he didn't have the pipes on upstairs and we're talking about three...

More dramas from the bathtub at the Brighton and Hackney Arts Club.
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hey guys hash to Valentine counters of Brighton and happy again in the bath a very hot bath in a very hot contest enjoyed my day to day very very nice better than yesterday mondays are just so [ __ ] and I was in such a foul mood yesterday I couldn't even write my Dinaric or speak my diary it was just all getting a bit too much basically I set up the recording studio to record my first broadcast for my over 50 show which is a visual so on YouTube all set out all the recording devices all set up audio-visual lighting camera action everything already and 2 guests have been booked and one of my guests pulled like an hour before we were supposed to be going on live so really really disappointed because I had spent all day getting ready and you know just I'd spent all day doing bloody eyelashes and stuff like that and that that takes ages if you're performer in any kind of visual arts all my friends will know this obviously you know when a lot of burlesque performers and actors and presenters and though the effort and time it takes to actually look the part is just a kingly painful really is because it takes hours and hours and hours things go wrong and then if you get all you do all that and that all goes right and then something happens and it's all you know like cancelled it's a really really hard cool thing to bear that so yeah really got me a bit pissed off but you know the people that I'm going to interview are not professionals in the sense of the word they've got lots of nice stories to talk about and they've got lots to you know historically to tell me all they've got something interesting or they've done a lot for Brighton but they're not necessary professionals in the sense that they're used to appearing on TV and you know I send them a car and they're getting paid for it and all these other things so I'm trying to be a little bit kind about people who let me down but you're all [ __ ] and stop doing it to me I mean it's absolutely fine I accept your excuse and we can move on from this so that was yesterday and the good news is that my boudoir looks an absolute treat and the French imported bed just was just gorgeous to sleep in last night because it was all plumped and fresh and beautiful and I really really liked my night's sleep so in that sense it was okay I've rescheduled for guests for the program for next week but this week probably on Thursday I'm going to do just just the program on my own so I'm waiting for letters and questions from my audience so if you've got anything that you'd like to ask me either as a woman becoming 50 and / or you've got something you'd like to talk about perhaps a political thing or anything and men to this is a program for the other 50 so i'm guessing i'll get more women than men but I you know I'm not just necessarily making a program for women it's for all of us and it's a celebration of our second sent yes second sit on my board no second half century that's it so yeah it's a celebration of that and us being around for this long and also ages and really [ __ ] me of some I'm trying to you know not let on the head and make make everybody realize how important we are and the things that we've done and be thankful for the things that we've all done because I've done loads and you know sometimes it's like I've just not noticed that I'm not appreciated and I think a lot of people feel like that especially parents and you know when things you know the kids have all gone and stuff like that or you know when you've had a big career and then you're so towards retirement and then you're not no longer valued because of because you're not jobless as such because you you know you've obviously had a job although not necessarily I'm not going to be you know weird about that either if you've never worked i'm quite you know I...

Transcript

hey everybody pressured your Valentine here countess of bright and hackney in another hot bath if you can tell the weather's getting warmer currently because the bath water is now almost unbearably hot if I keep it on the same setting so things are improving and I don't have to wear quite so many layers when I go to bed so when I wake up in the morning I'm not quite like

The Incredible Hulk it's getting sexy times man sexy sexy and anyway what of today wow what a day today was massive massive argument no that's the wrong word discussion on my facebook thread because I just put it out there why everyone was being so horrible about Madonna because um basically she fell last night at brit awards or something fell on her head and I don't know it was a some wardrobe malfunction or I mean I don't read the papers or watch telly early morning I don't you know sometimes late at night I sneaked him Midsomer Murders as you well know but I didn't really the all my information basically comes through sound bites that I get on facebook so I'm probably not the best person but I believe what

happened was she caught her cape on a dancer and did a backward somersault or some such thing and carried on and was fine but anyway the whole of Britain was just talking about it and because she's a mature lady she's not even [ __ ] mature at she that's so stupid she like 57 she's like a year or two old two years older than me which I I still consider myself very young at 52 so [ __ ] that getting on stuff but they'll probably they were talking about HRT on TV and people were really getting irate about the fact that she's

supposedly so old and doing sexy times so I just started this debate because it just really surprised me their anger and animosity that was coming from some quarters mostly male on my Facebook threads calling her a [ __ ] and talentless etc etc so it just I just wanted to know why why people were feeling that they could talk about somebody that they'd never met who clearly is not talentless you can't be so totally talentless and not do the various things that she's done but even if she was why would that upset a person so much because I meet a lot of really really talent this people on a daily basis but I don't walk up to them and say you were a talentless [ __ ] and I don't even talk about them

being talentless really behind their backs I'm not you know they don't excite me or anything but I'm not compelled to say that they're talentless or a [ __ ] so I was interested mainly in the hall not the talentless because i don't think i doing that's really questionable and you can not like her stuff obviously anyway oh the reaction it was just and it's been going on all [ __ ] day and even to like half an hour ago I got another ping ping on my facebook and because people are still talking about this this I don't know dichotomy the Madonna [ __ ] dichotomy and I have concluded that actually it's guys that usually refer to women that they're not happy with their progress with as [ __ ] and so you know boys sort if I can [ __ ] out do you know what I'm saying no rhyme nor reason why you should go around a using that form of expression when I'm pretty sure she's not a practicing hall anymore if she ever was and also so what if she ever was but you know just using that kind of go to insult and then this old thing that people are getting upset because I was getting to the bottom of it on some of these some of these threads that people get upset because she's

waving a vagina about and it's like in their faces well that don't want to tell II don't watch the brit awards who wants to watch that [ __ ] [ __ ] anyway do you know I mean so yeah that's taken up most of the day and I actually had to kind of come home and and forget about it because being a countess I have a responsibility to educate the uneducated and the ignorant so I have to button my lip and not be rude...

From the Goddamn Media Archives the Countess of Brighton and Hackney Diaries.

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hey people passionate valentine contest of brighton and hackney diary from my bath as usual missed yesterday apologies for that we're just really really busy friday night was our massive party that um was three birthday people two guys and a girl went off really really well literally by half past six in the morning they were still dancing they were still like crazy crazy moving everywhere and i'm like guys go party somewhere else i think they managed to find somewhere so uh thank you guys for making it such a pleasure i had a 12 hour shift and i didn't sit down once i realized when i did finally sit down the next day and my feet were broken absolutely broken so um it was a great party but you know

i don't want to do too many of those at my age i don't think i'll survive the course i really don't uh so anyway then it was cat cafe and sort of trotted over to the cat cafe and my staff didn't turn up and i was in such a state and i was you know when you're really really tired and you haven't slept and you've had a few to drink i was sober but i just couldn't i couldn't get anything together everything was really slow and i had to get the urn on i had to this and i had to do that so i just put a note up and said i'm sorry i can't open for another hour so finally my member of staff turned up and cat cafe was beautiful and lovely i was downstairs i'm always near hand listening and uh yeah we always get a lovely crowd of people in there and my

anyone who works at cat cafe you really have to be into cats big time because that's all you will do is talk about cats play with cats talk about cats which is lovely but you have to like cats and a cat lover can spot someone who's pretending so um yeah i'll be looking for someone permanently at cat cafe maybe after the summer or well mid-summer my girl maria who's there next week as of next week she's not going to be there forever so um get in touch but also i'm sort of considering now maybe opening up another day in the week because it's it's just so lovely so i'm going to give it a whirl this week i'm going to open up every evening and keep the cats about so you can just you know knock on the door but i want more of an arts cafe feel so um we'll give it a whirl sort of i don't know seven o'clock till ten or something every night this week um not monday monday i'm filming um with two lovely friends mari and mike and we're going to film on my bed at providence palace my program for the over 50s we're just going to chat bollocks if you've got anything you want me to talk about send me a text or an email or something and i'll try and bring it up on the bed should be fun so yeah that's what i'm doing monday monday's supposed to be my day off anyway so i'm not skiving but um yeah

okay so that's that was that what happened then saturday evening of course i had the second year private view second year photography students still didn't have any sleep i did go and have a fry up with my lovely cafe the black cat white cat and so that sort of gave me a bit of steam and then um all the lovely lovely kids turned up students with their friends and family a lot of family traveled a long way you know from london to see to support their their children and their relatives so that was really really nice it was quite warm and fuzzy feeling very very well behaved crowd no mess even though it was really busy and they put some photos up on facebook i put them up on their goddamn media page as well so yeah that was really good and then it was they sort of went off about 10 10 30. and my lovely friend joel who runs my open mic um had bought two...

Transcript for translators

hey world outside pastor de Valentine counters are brightening happening here again in my bath to tell you about my day well woke up pretty tired because i only had two hours sleep because i was so excited last night I just tossed and turned and tossed and turned it was incredible how the adrenaline of the with the excitement just was like a drug and the the later got and the more lighter got the more awake ago and the less likely it was that was going to sleep finally I think maybe eight o'clock maybe nine I finally actually got a couple of hours so anyway woke up and I was bound to be in a [ __ ]

mood was annoying and it was bound to be one of those days where every [ __ ] thing goes completely tits up so it did obviously but I had no Nick pain and friends of mine will know that I have suffered for about two and a half years with severe neck pain which comes and goes but mostly comes and I've tried absolutely everything I've been to a chiropractor been to about three or four different ones I've had acupuncture I've had physio I've had pills drugs i've had my mum gives me her tramadol should i say that well they're really really good and so and ibuprofen and paracetamol and codeine and Derda Derda Derda so tried absolutely everything and I oh and my keep fit regime as well because I was working out quite a lot which did actually seem to help I thought but I just don't know what works anymore

I really don't I think it's directly related to stress levels and the reason I think that the reason I've come to that conclusion in the last couple of days is because I woke up this morning with no neck pain which is really really rare and got about my business I was really Childers like you know skipping to work pretty much across the park dryland Adler no no no no no isn't a word wonderful and then everything started to go wrong and by the time the third thing went wrong my neck was excruciating so I'm I'm going to have to work at like kind of some self hypnosis or learning to relax not doing that today been doing it a couple of times in the week as well as the minute I start to feel that I'm tensing I just go and just deep breaths have a coffee which is probably not advisable but [ __ ] that [ __ ] have a cup of coffee have a put the computer down because the computer makes it worse and it makes it worse because I'm getting stressed while I'm on it and and just think about nice things and lo and behold 20-minute break the pain subsides so that's my new regime also when I'm on the computer I need to this like one couch in like the whole of my world that I can sit on when I do the computer so anything else just makes it worse anyway my sound system was quiet that was the first thing the sound system my beautiful technics tax system that i bought yesterday wasn't playing very loud so my friend Trevor came to sort it out and he did a really good job on
it was all fantastic and then the minute he left it all went back to how it was again so that was the first thing the reason was I was being really blonde and I didn't I forgot to turn the volume up on my phone so anyway I'll figured that out for myself and also because I've got these massive speakers at providence palace because this is a big venue here we do you know big gigs at 250 capacity

I've got to 350 watt speakers and you know the mixer and everything's like bang bang bang and I'm so used to that because I've been here for two over two years so now when i get when i was over there and i'm just this little stack system it's actually really loud but it doesn't feel like it's really loud and obviously it's quite a different sound as well and i'm the other thing about providence palette is that we've got like it's three floors high the ceiling because then we've got the medal means around the edge but the center space goes up I think it's 30 meters I think somebody said that but um does that sound too...

Saily diaries spanned several years at the arts club.
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We heard the news and shed a tear for our 80s iconic friend.

Diaries spanning five years from the Brighton and Hackney Arts Club.

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