Fumbling Forward

Join me for an intimate exploration of self-discovery

where I explore whats needed

for a healthy formation of identity,

and the challenges of mental health.

I’ll share my experiences with ADHD medication,

the hurdles of money management,

and the powerful ways our bodies can influence our minds.

We'll explore the somatic realm,

those physical sensations that speak volumes

and the world of ‘transference’.

If you've ever questioned your connections with others

or hesitated before responding,

this episode offers reflections and strategies

that just might resonate and help.

Themes:

Thank you for following my Fumbles,

listening,

being on this journey with me,

trying to understand,

and holding me as ‘OK’.

If you haven’t already done so,

please go ahead and ‘Follow’ or ‘Subscribe’,

it will help reach others like us.

As always, see you in the episode!

I’ll trust you to keep yourself OK.

Keep Fumbling Forward,

Frankie

x

Following on from the last Ep in April when I had no shower,

the bathroom saga continues.

Ever tried being your authentic self

whilst being a die hard people pleaser

with perfectionistic beliefs

in the midst of a full-blown bathroom renovation

and severe sensory sensitivities?

(It’s actually comical, and I’m laughing typing this, no wonder I was struggling!

This is the worst situation for someone like me!)

Join me as I finally allow myself to vent about life's not-so-shiny moments. Turns out, our environments really do mess with our minds! Don’t discount it!

From wondering if my quirks might be Autism

(or just trauma in a clever disguise?)

to wrestling with ADHD paralysis (or is it just hypo-arousal?

The theories are endless…

maybe trying to figure it out is where I’m going wrong.

Either way, this podcast is my brave, unfiltered journey

of trying to make sense of it all

and accept myself, as I am.

Oh, and I took action today!

If hanging up clothes sounds like a big deal to you,

well, YOU, are EXACTLY my people.

Tune in for the raw, the real, and the ridiculous,

as I come to terms with being left out,

realising the world isn’t about me,

and maybe how people treat me is nothing to do with me,

and figuring out when to journal,

when to see to my therapist,

and when speak to you guys.

Thank you,

for following my Fumbles,

listening to me,

being patient with me,

and holding me as ‘OK’.

See you in the episode :)

Frankie x

If you haven’t already done so,

please click the ‘Follow’ or ‘Subscribe’ button,

it will really help the podcast

reach other Fumblers,

and may help to gain some sponsorship

to enable me to dedicate more time and resources to the poddy.

As always, see you in the episode!

Keep Fumbling Forward,

Frankie x

💕

Recorded Apr 2024: What could go wrong, did go wrong, and buoy, did it rock my boat! (Get it? Buoy..) I was sailing smoothly until I hit the iceberg of dysregulation, and upon reflection, it all becomes clear. Invalidation, discrimination, no shower or hot water, disrupted routines, 'right person wrong time' and dysregulation. Grab your life jackets and tune in to hear about the waves trying to capsize my ship. (Respecting others in my life and keeping some details brief and surface level, I appreciate your understanding, whilst I try to still paint a picture without the details).

What’s surprisingly nice is that I haven’t sunk back into my depression hole. Why? Because I have myself! Who knew self-love was the ultimate life raft. When you’ve got your own back, you can navigate through anything. So, whether you're in a storm or just waiting for the next episode of life to drop, self-care is key! Keep that going, and you might even find enjoyment along the way.

Was it the right person at the wrong time, or just the wrong person? Have they really changed, or did fate just have my back? Who knows! But everything led me here, and I love where I am. Grateful, thankful and blessed.

There's so many what-ifs floating around, so if we can focus on facts, reality, and our own thoughts and feelings, life becomes a lot easier, and surprisingly less disappointing, kind of like a good pizza without pineapple. (No offence intended).

My thoughts are with anyone who’s been hit by the waves discussed in this episode.

As always, sending my very best wishes,

F x

First things first, everyone's definition of success varies. Mine is pretty standard, but any neurodivergent’s dream: being able to function, being productive, feeling regulated, and feeling OK.

I am a firm believer that me and any other neurodivergent person has a very special gift. We think outside the box and have the ability to be an Einstein, who by the way I think also had ADHD:

“Whilst neurodivergent disabilities were not researched enough to be diagnosed during the life of Einstein, modern specialists researching him have diagnosed him with ADHD, dyslexia and autism”.

- StudentNews 2024, Manchester University, Manchester.ac.uk

If we can harness our abilities, we too can be Avengers/Xmen.

(Side note: highly recommend the new Deadpool X Wolverine film 🍿 but wear ear plugs or avoid iMax trailer as I had a panic attack with the awesome ‘experiential sound’ iMax advert, movie was 10/10 though, but yes sensory overload was wow).

I fumbled upon a wonderfully productive morning (when I filmed this in January 2024), so I thought I'd share with you some of the things I had done then and have continued to do, that enable me to feel productive and positive.

In Psycho-ed terms, these are things that calm my ANS [Automatic Nervous System], and keep that little devil, the Amygdala, switched off and away from Fight, Flight, Freeze, Flop).

ADHD from my understanding is de-regulation, living in a fight or flight response, so my methods, revolve around regulation and healing.

I hope this helps you too fellow fumblers / neuro-pick-n-mix-ers

(I dont like spicy food, but I love picknmix, so I've changed the term 'neuro-spicy' to 'neuro-picknmix'). You heard it here first ;)

As always, thank you for your patience whilst I edit and upload,

I will always eventually get round to it, but it seems the more I focus on self care, (the exact content of this episode), the more I am able to get these up quicker!

Sending best wishes,

See you in the episode :)

Frankie x

Spoiler alert:When you stop trying to change,  you will change.

Join me in going back in time! This episode was recorded in April, after 4 months of feeling pretty pooey. I hadn’t recorded an episode for 3 and a half months, and didn’t think I would be recording for a while…

But my fairy godmother (Therapist), helped pull me from the clouds, so with a new found belief of, ‘it doesn’t have to be perfect, just do it anyway’, I whipped out my phone, 

driving in the pouring rain, and shared my brainwaves.

⚠️This episode comes with a Trigger Warning ⚠️ there are mentions of trauma, panic, anxiety, dissociation, and physical abuse. It’s not detailed, or in depth, but may bring up stuff for you, so the content warning is there for your protection. 

Please keep yourselves safe and opt not to listen if there might be a trigger for you. I’m aware some of you may have similar backgrounds to me, so lean on your self-care,  hobbies, and support systems to keep yourself OK, if anything does come up for you.

Support systems can include but are not limited to:

111 (UK), Mind.org (UK), Samaritans (UK),

Better help, your Doctor, therapist, 

friends, Family, and a google search for “services for mental health near me”.

Thank you for Fumbling with me, and being patient whilst I edited this episode. It was important for me to take care with what I did and didn’t want to share.

Thank you fellow Fumblers, for following my Fumbles, 

listening to me, and holding me as ‘OK’.

If you haven’t already done so, please hit the ‘Follow’ button,

it’s really helpful to reach other ADHD/neurospicey Fumblers, just like you and I, and may help me gain some sponsorship to enable me to dedicate more time to the poddy.

See you in the episode :)

Keep Fumbling Forward,

Frankie x

Spoiler alert: resisting depression didn't quite work out. Turns out, I needed to embrace my inner Eeyore to let the clouds pass. Join me recapping July, a surprisingly successful month. Each pillar of security was rocked, but I was OK, the not-so-mythical creature 'Motivation' showed up, and the mental sloth took a hike!

How did I go from a state of "I'm a potato" to "I'm (somehow) functional"? Self-regulation, a super therapist, creating a cocoon of safety within and outside of myself, and doing what I knew all along I needed to do. 

Is healing in sight? Or is my prefrontal cortex finally flexing its muscles? 

Let's keep Fumbling Forward together, one laugh, one lesson, and one 'aha' moment at a time.

Frankie x

Welcome to the most authentic and symptomatic neurodivergent episode yet. Buckle up for a wild ride where I explain how I’ve conquered the ADHD paralysis beast, got excited about the future, and started to feel motivated again! Motivation, you say, I thought that was a mythical creature that was prescribed by psychiatrists. 

I've been dodging the older episodes like dodgeballs, and today, I'm giving my perfectionist a heart attack and uploading this more recent gem from July 15th, 2024. On this magical day, I overcame my ADHD paralysis and want to share how. I will get round to the others… thank you for your patience and understanding. 

Get ready for the unedited, raw, unfiltered reality of my life. You'll see me melting down at random noises, struggling to focus, and switching to freeze mode faster Hussain Bolt. And you’re in for a treat, you'll witness my frustration levels hitting 3/10 on the anger scale, which to me feels completely unacceptable. Spoiler alert: Emotions are real people, and I'm here to make them permissible, even if it makes me look like a 'psycho' (thanks for that, society and childhood trauma).

So grab your popcorn, enjoy the rollercoaster, and leave a comment in our shiny new comment section! Let's build a community of support, laughter, and shared chaos.

Frankie x

Before I finish the book, here's some of the information I found extremely helpful, what will help you to 'cure' your ADHD if done repetitively over time, to rewire, and create those neural pathways in your brain that didn't develop.

This book has explained how emotions create the structures in your brain, the release of certain neuro-chemicals, and thus the development of your brain. What you will hear me talk about in this episode, it's about how Neurodivergence, or ADHD, is where your brain hasn't been able to develop properly. In my last episode I talked about deficits, if you didn't reach certain milestones cognitively, they are not developed (deficits), but our brains have neuroplasticity, it can develop over time, just like a muscle. If you meet those deficits or needs that didn't get met, this will develop your brain and consequently heal ADHD. I'm not sure if this is something that will completely heal, or the symptoms will just get less severe; a lot of the source of my ADHD comes down to my primary attachment figure which is created whilst you're in utero, and primarily the first nine months after being born, but continues to develop through childhood. This is to say that my attachment with my mum and environment for us as a family during my childhood is what I believe has caused my ADHD. I'm not sure if it's possible to change your attachment, but whether my perception or ability to navigate that relationship will help me heal and develop that attachment is something I don't know yet but think is absolutely possible as I've seen hints of change/acceptance on my part. So as I continue to read the book I'm sure I will get the answers and share them, but for now here is my current working hypothesis.

And whilst you're at it, here's what made me have such a lovely morning this morning… because, this is a diary as well, somewhere for me to reflect back and remind myself of what works for me, because I forget lots of things. I think I might have ADHD.

Keep Fumbling Forward,

Frankie x

(I did a much longer description in my email list and will add to a blog on my website, if you want to read it/sign up, hit me up!)

When we experience a loss of any kind, (i.e. breakup, death or job), there is a hurricane of emotions that can follow. Emotions are wonderful things, but at times, overwhelming. They're trying to talk to us, and sometimes our fear of being absorbed and consumed by them, can stop us from allowing them through to listen to what they have to say. And when we do let them through, sometimes they're confusing; we can be sad when we're actually angry, and angry when we're actually scared! Emotions are a maze to navigate, so this episode dives into those overwhelming feelings of anger, sadness and guilt that come along with grief, and might help you Fumble Forward, a little better.

A note from me:

On a separate note, this journey is scary for me, there's so many unknowns and what if's, but also exciting things coming that I can't wait to share with you. So rather than backing away because I'm scared, I'm stepping into my bravery boots, (big girl pants), and enjoying the rollercoaster even though I'm a little scared. "Feel the fear and do it anyway". Something I picked up a while ago is that fear and excitement are from the same place and can often be confused for one another, so is it that I'm scared, or is it that I'm excited? A little bit of both – but what I know is I'm really enjoying this journey, so I'm going to stay at it for a little longer. Thank you Fumblers who have followed and listened; we are now at 77 followers, a number I never thought we would see! Seeing those numbers grow, has encouraged me to keep going - so thank you, and let's go!

Enjoy the episode, let me know your thoughts below, and any other subjects you want me to cover. If you want to remain anonymous, there is a feedback link on my Instagram.

Frankie x