Gameology

How can we know the difference between a difficult person and a narcissist? When it is never about how you feel and always about them- that is one giant red flag. But in general when someone else is making you feel like you are living in a a different reality it is usually because they are the ones who are living in a different reality. These personality types are manipulative and you may never get an answer from a doctor about what is wrong with them because these people tend to refuse to go to a doctor because in THEIR reality nothing is wrong. If you are experiencing emotional pain I don’t need to tell you that you need to break away from someone who is making you hurt. You already know. Most of us just need to hear from someone else that we are not crazy and this list is here to do just that. If the person you are questioning does a lot of the things on this list then it’s time to leave.

Getting away from a narcissist is not easy to do by communicating a lot with them or explaining how you feel to them. This is because these people do not have much of a capacity to understand how others feel and they for sure do not care unless it come how negatively impacts them. The best method for getting away from these people is to limit your communication and not accuse them of anything. You have a natural human instinct that makes you want answers and I am telling you that you will have to decide what is more important. Is it your future or winning an argument? If the answer is you want to feel whole again then you must let go of “making yourself understood”.

The Vikings set their ships on fire and burned them as soon as they reached new land. But why? Wasn’t this the only way they could sail back home if things didn’t work out? Yes, that is exactly what it meant. Here is why they did it anyway.

Embracing discomfort when you are building something is a requirement for pushing past pain barriers. Why push? Because if you do not push yourself you will not get to the next level. Discomfort is something to be danced with and not avoided. So don’t avoid it. It is your turn. Take it.

It has been said that Rome collapsed under its own weight.

By the third century, Rome suffered from what we would consider a cash flow problem.

When something becomes too big and there is a reduction in the returns on investment, it becomes almost impossible to sustain a massive infrastructure.

It becomes natural that people break away from the status quo and fragment.

Rome had barbarians break away from the Roman army and we have smaller brands being created out a similar scenario.

Summary: By the time something collapses, you can bet that every system that used to function is gone.

Feeling a deep need to predict the future freezes some of us in the mental misery of the “what if” game.

This can apply to many situations.

Maybe the person you loved was self-destructive and hurt you so deeply during a vulnerable period of your life that the experience has left you traumatized and has paralyzed your ability to trust.

Maybe in order to keep growing professionally you will have to disrupt other people’s dependance on you.

The decisions and leaps of faith you make are yours.

No one on earth can judge you on the way you make a decision unless you allow them.

The world may respond in a way that makes you feel judged but that is only valid so far as you allow it to be.

Your own past can so easily become what you analytically judge the character of others on rather than letting your Emotional intuition preside over your judgment. This, of course, can work in reverse if you are more the intuitive persuasion.

Those with deep emotional intuition allow their heart to make an emotional decision when it comes to the big calls in life.

I won’t debate which method of decision making is better because I can’t.

You are the judge and the jury of what you decide to do.

Likely, you will need both your head and your heart to start talking openly about their communication problems.

There is a reason we think and feel with both our heads and our hearts.

Full disclosure and pure probability:

I know that despite how hard we try we all will continue to fail sometime.

Silver lining:

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

Here is what you may find helpful:

The future is not this far off place we arrive at one day and proclaim “ok here we are in the future”.

The future is today.

Inside every decision you make in the present, you are inside of the future.

There is no predicting the future and there is no arrival date.

What you seek is seeking you.

There is only the doing and the deciding in the right now.

Every now moment is the future.

You are living the future you created out of the decisions you made yesterday.

The future we desire is what we do with today.

All of these actions track to our current state and the current state is the future we have made given every single situation we have been a part of before today.

Food for thought:

Do not let yourself become sidetracked by secondary activity.

Secondary activity is anything that does not positively influence the day-like worrying.

The definition of worry is experiencing failure and disappointment in advance.

There is no magic wand to tell you how your life will end up.

If you maximize the enjoyment and good you can do in the now and truly be generous at heart- the rest will take care of itself.

You have greatness within you.

Find the thing that allows you to quiet your mind and you will experience a well of energy inside of you that you won’t be able to explain.

Continue moving forward.

Get up when you fall.

Do it with enthusiasm.

#strikeamatch #thoughtsbecomethings #howtodecide

Is that not the first thing we think of when we have just gotten through one “roadblock” situation only to immediately find another “road closed” situation?

We want there to be this grace period where things just coast for long enough to catch our breath.

We want to celebrate that we overcame our last obstacle before knowing we must face another…

Yet how seldom we get the chance to revel in the tranquility of nothing going on.

No, there is rarely nothing going on.

Because “it is always something”.

Maybe we should look at things differently.

What if life was the opposite?

What if the more common saying was: “it is never anything”

If life was a series of nothing ever happening to us would that be better?

Would you trade endless days of “never anything” happening for the people and responsibilities in your life that cause the “it’s always something”?

Here is what I mean…

If your husband or wife is always asking you to help them with yet another project, would you prefer not have them in your life in order to ensure you never have another project to do?

It forces you to think about the source of these “always something”.

The source, in this case, is that most of us would never trade the love of our spouse just to avoid the “its always something” complaint.

Actually…

When we force ourselves to think from that perspective we would welcome the very somethings that drive us crazy.

Keep the roadblocks coming if they mean that we are not alone.

Keep the roadblocks coming if it means we are alive enough to experience this “always something” at the side of that person.

Or…

If the “always something” situation is frequent because we have kids that demand a lot of our attention and energy…

Does that mean you would give them up?

No, you would walk through fire for them even when you are at the peak of your frustration.

So they are worth all the rapid-fire battery of “it’s always something’s” that the world could ever throw at you.

Your art.

Your Job.

Your passion.

When those three things are what you get to do every day, it is worth the pain.

When you really think about the things and people that cause most of your “it is always something” complaints…

They turn into the very things that are also at the top of your gratitude list.

Maybe, in a way, it is better to hope for more “something”.

#strikeamatch #onyou #ownit

This isn’t about how you perceive you or even who you are as a person. This is about the message you send with the way you present yourself and whatever you want that to be. Own it. But be practical about your expectations making sense with the energy you are actually putting out there. People have a perception of who you are the instant they encounter you.

This can be a good, bad or ugly moment.

Either way, it will create a story in the eyes of other people

Many of us perceive this as an obstacle rather than an opportunity.

Today we will begin to remove the first impression obstacle.

First, you should know that controlling the perception of others will depend on your effort.

Why?

All I can do is give you information.

Unfortunately, information is not power.

Information is dormant potential.

You must do the work to empower yourself.

and most importantly,

You must step outside your comfort zone.

(IF) Do the following and you win.

1. Adapt in order to impact the impressions you make on other people.

People who perform in theatre productions do this every night.

2. Strangers shouldn’t judge you on sight.

That won’t change the fact that they do.

Constantly being observed can be a gift if you embrace it.

3. It may not feel fair that strangers immediately judge you.

That won’t change the fact that they do.

Fighting this reality is futile.

4. Never spend time resenting things that are out of your control.

5. The obstacle is not that people make immediate judgments about you.

The obstacle is that you think you have no control over someone’s perception of you.

You are in control of the impressions you make.

In most situations, we know what sensory information creates a particular perception.

Meaning, we can change the impressions we make by creating new sensory information for people to observe.

Here is a practical timeline of how a perception is created about you:

The person observing you has a memory bank of observations and experiences they have had in the past.

Your movements, sounds, and appearance all create a perception in their head about who you are.

They piece together the new sensory signals you are giving off and unconsciously compare them to people they have observed in the past.

The way you walk, talk or act will trigger pieces of other interactions they have had and a new story will fill in the blanks.

If you want to impact someone’s perception of you all you have to do is give their 5 senses purposeful messages that trigger what you want from this person’s memory bank.

Think of the sensory messages that would tell the best story about you. (slow footsteps

Ask yourself, what is the story you want to tell about yourself?

If you are going to impact another person’s perception, you had better know how you want to be seen.

Take a moment and think about what you want people to think of you when they encounter you.

Think about what you wish they thought about you.

You and I both know we want other people to think highly of you.

What I don’t know…

What I won’t be convinced of…

Is how you can expect to be treated differently without doing the work.

And it is work.

It is a conscious, deliberate and determined effort you must make for people to see you in your best light.

Here is what changing how you are perceived comes down to…

It’s never been easier to command respect.

If you are not getting what you want out of your work and your life.

You have to change it.

I can help you with the How.

But you have to be your own WHY

If you feel you deserve it.

Represent it.

#strikeamatch

Microbody language.

People can look at the smallest shift in the way your body moves and in microseconds get an impression of you.

That is our human ability to draw conclusions and judge quickly based on previous situations we have been in. When it comes to deciphering body language it helps to think about what a “normal” response/approach would typically look like.

But what about when body language is missing from a conversation?

For example: If a person is claiming they care but their body language is totally relaxed, it sends us mixed messages.

Understated body language can make a person look timid or unsure of their cause.

Most of the time understated body language is our attempt at not looking nervous, but for the observer, our lax posture can feel like we do not care.

93% of your agenda is conveyed by your body.

Solution: practice moving.

Not because we are practicing to trick people but because we are wanting to be sure they know we care as much as we actually do care.

When your goal is to convince someone- make sure you look convincing.

You can always tell a liar who isn’t sold on their own advice because it sounds like they are trying to convince themselves.

When you are convinced of your cause you speak from your heart.

Simply saying the words you care will not be felt as sincere if your hands are in your pockets.

93% of the message “I care” by a person with their hands in their pockets is actually “I don’t care”…leaving the words “I care” with little or no meaning to the person hearing them.

Speaking from the heart when you are convincing someone is ten times more sincere when you let yourself gesture.

Be authentic by being the whole package.

You are the whole package to someone when the things you say match your body language because it conveys unity in what you say is truly what you mean to say.

Be present in the moment mind and body, committed to your job.

So what does that look like?

Here is the scenario: You want to tell your client that you understand how they feel and that you are the one to keep this deal together and ultimately bring them what they want. In doing this you want to reassure them they hired the right person in hiring you.

This means keeping your torso open, shoulders back, and when making hand gestures, you are making sure the movement originates from the center of your chest.

Keeping your arms folded says: I am uncomfortable.

Keep your forearms raised, hanging arms do not show feeling.

Also, every time you make a gesture look at a person’s eyes.

It is alright if a person looks away as you make eye contact with them, do not take that as a sign you have done something wrong.

If a person looks away after you make eye contact it is because they were not prepared for your sincerity.

If they do look away nervously then you can make them feel relaxed again by only holding eye contact (3 seconds or more) when you make the chest connecting hand movements.

There is a fine line between asserting sincerity and making someone uncomfortable.

Look for the cues.

Stay aware of how the other person is reacting to you.

Sometimes it is the smallest adjustments in our strategy that makes the biggest difference.

Ask someone close to you to tell you what your signature body movements are.

I guarantee they have noticed.

Aggression and panic will never be a match for subtle confidence.

Panic’s weakness is that it is telling.

On the polar opposite of the emotional wheel, you will find composure.

The silent poise and subtle confidence of the composed person are magnetic qualities.

composure leaves room for good interpretation because there is nothing we can see visibly overpowering a poised person.

The observer is left with no choice but to wonder…

“What is this person thinking?”

“Why are they so nonreactive?”

The mysterious nature of composure can be authoritative and yet paradoxically calm at the same time.

When the rest of the world overreacts, the poised individual waits and then responds.

They may not respond right away but when they do it is more likely the better way.

Calm and considerate people good to have around.

These are people we would not mind following.

(hint: show me your friends and I can show you your future.)

Being poised is easier if you have a good understanding of what is going on around you and why it is going on.

Recognition of opportunities and threats requires a state of mind that is at rest and not vulnerable to raw emotion.

The poised person thinks of the possible outcomes several decisions could bring.

Their reactions are what is controlled about them.

If you are in the service business and selling something of high value (like homes) your clients may feel they are at the mercy of a lot of economic factors outside of their control.

Factors like interest rates, supply and demand can panic people quickly.

You will have a hard time comforting these people if the same factors send you into the same panic.

It is good to remind yourself:

You are always in control of presenting information.

You are the sounding board and the guide but not responsible for any final decision.

No matter what happens the answer is action. Keep moving. Sometimes things will not end in your favor but if you keep moving other opportunities will come.

Calm well thought out actions happen as a result of making well-informed decisions and not by waiting around for some other figurative “what if” shoe to drop.

#strikematch #onyou