Gattsy on Goosebumps

He's back, and he's hornier than ever!! That's right, Slappy, the rude wooden dude you love to hate and hate to love has returned to exploit more preexisting family dysfunction. This time he's set his sites on poor Zane, the anxious cousin of Dan and Trina. I enjoyed this book, because Zane reminded me of the black sheep of our own family, Cousin Dudkis, who wasn't actually our cousin but actually a vagrant who lived on my grandparents farm for years after escaping from a paddy wagon on the way to his trial for what the magistrate would later refer to as "serious acts bovine-related indecency." Despite his rap sheet, we knew Dudkis as an affable sort of character, and it was a sad day when we heard grandpa had accidentally blown his head off with a shotgun after taken him for a fox despite the fact that the incident occurred in the middle of the day and in grandpa's loungeroom. But, as Dudkis would say when pressed to pay rent and board, or at least wear trousers around the house, such is life!

Night of the Living Dummy III is the fortieth book in the original Goosebumps book series, and the third book in the Living Dummy saga. It was first published in 1996.

This book deals with the pandemic of shrunken head and jungle magic, which our mainstream media shamefully refuses to cover.

How I Got My Shrunken Head is the thirty-ninth book in the original Goosebumps book series. It was first published in 1996.

The Blake siblings have never seen the snow! Well, boo-hoo. Growing up in metropolitan Victoria, I never got to see snow either. The closest we would get was when father let us go to to local sporting pasture after a night of heavy rain and play ‘Bally-Bally Sock and Scud’, an extremely-physical hybrid of rugby and Greco-Roman wrestling originally used to settle disputed on the goldfields. I’ve seen snow since, incidentally, though I’m yet to personally find the appeal (quite cold).

The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena is the thirty-eighth book in the original Goosebumps book series. It was first published in 1995.

Come one, come all! Hear the horrific tale of the unimaginatively-titledHill Houe! WITNESS the aging tour guide who clearly hoped he’d be a proper actor! JUMP WITH FRIGHT at the scare he frequent jump scares which turn out to just be cats or other characters or something! ROLL YOUR EYES at the two twelve year-olds who gave themselves nicknames and based their whole personalities on scaring adults that are forced to humor them! BUT BE WARNED; you find what lurks inside the insidious Hill House MILDLY-ALARMING!

The Headless Ghost is the thirty-seventh book in the original Goosebumps book series. It was first published in 1995.

Halloween; for many, it means sugar-filled candypops, spinetingling cinemafilms and racially-insensitive costumes. But for young Steve Boswell, it means confronting the scariest monster of all: the ravages of time. Will Steve return to his youth by night’s end? Or will he be confined to a retirement home, complaining about his prostate and how the neighborhood “doesn’t feel like it used to” ever since “those other types started moving in”. Find out in Goosebumps #36: The Haunted Mask II!

The Haunted Mask II is the thirty-sixth book in the original Goosebumps book series, a sequel to The Haunted Mask, and the second book in Haunted Mask saga. It was first published in 1995.

Today's Goosebumps book is set in a spooky theme park. I've always been fascinated with theme parks and growing up I wanted nothing more than to experience the magic of Disneyland. Of course, vacation destination such as those offered by Walt and Co. were well beyond the price range of my humble Melbournian family, so we had to instead settle for a bi-annual trip to a place called 'Haystacks Albie's Family Park and Petting Zoo' in Cludsdale, located between a water treatment facility and industrial slaughterhouse. Mr. Albie was something of a local celebrity in regional Victoria, having inherited a sizeable fortune from his father, who had developed a new method of castrating rams in the 1940's. The junior Albie announced plans to fulfil his life's dream of establishing a family fun park in 1973 after failing several times in his previous life's dream of being elected more of Cludsdale, owing to a series of unrelated but equally-repugnant sex scandals. Opened two years later after Albie lobbied the government to demolish the retirement village on the land he sought, the park became a moderate success for lower-income families, offering helicopter rides, a slippery-dip and a petting zoo stocked with mostly disease-free animals. Known as a hands-on promoter, Albie would never shy away from milling with the crowds at the park and even operating some of the rides himself, which led to his tragic death and the park's closing following a helicopter crash. Still, fond memories.

A Shocker on Shock Street is the thirty-fifth book in the original Goosebumps book series. It was first published in 1995.

"Lawn gnomes?" repeated Mr Scholastic, CEO of one of the largest publishing houses of the United States. "You want to do a book about lawn gnomes?"

“That’s right,” Robert Stine repeated, holding the other man’s gaze effortlessly. “Lawn gnomes. They cause trouble in the garden and get the protagonist in trouble.”

Scholastic puffed his cigar. “You’re a damn fine children’s horror author, Bob; hell, in forty years in this industry, you might be one of the best I’ve ever seen. But the board will never go for a Goosebumps book about lawn gnomes!”

Stine was silent for a moment, picked up his manuscript and stood. “Then tell the board to find another children’s horror author.”

Scholastic watched him head for the door. “Wait!”

Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes is the thirty-fourth book in the original Goosebumps book series. It was first published in 1995.

As a child, I was never one for sports; while my peers were off playing touch-down baskets or ten-pin jump-up, I was in the safety of my room, receiving a rapturous standing ovation for my one-man version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's 'Cats' from an imaginary audience. No; as I stood upon the school oval, just waiting for the child with severe scoliosis to inevitably get picked before me for kickball, I dreamt violent fantasies of a vengeful creature that would punish those athletic types who always told me to "Try my best", as if it was that easy. Yes; I dreamt of King Jellyjam, and the horrors he would deliver upon them.

The Horror at Camp Jellyjam is the thirty-third book in the original Goosebumps book series. It was first published in 1995.

Filmed, back-to-back with the previous entry, meaning I am still drunk as a skunk for the recording of this one, but when you hear my slurred summary of what is generously-called a "plot" in this hot, spooky mess, I don't think you will begrudge me that.

The Barking Ghost is the thirty-second book in the original Goosebumps book series. It was first published in 1995.

Don't let the fact that I'm drunk as a skunk during recording fool you; this one is actually pretty good. It's a classic tale of family, acceptance, and sentient evil puppets. Top stuff.

Night of the Living Dummy II is the thirty-first book in the original Goosebumps book series, and the second book in the Living Dummy saga. It was first published in 1995.