Constantly tell your child that they’re loved, valuable, and capable. Otherwise, their self-evaluation will be based on their worst qualities and perceptions rather than their best ones. Psychologists say that some of the world’s most successful people suffer from ‘the imposter phenomenon’. When interviewed, these people often express deep self-doubt, saying they don’t feel worthy of the position they hold, or the high opinion others have of them. Where did that begin? At home! Often this self-concept is formed before puberty when a child has no clear sense of their identity and feels unattractive, dull, and useless. That’s when you, as a parent, need to say that this is a short-term experience, like travelling through a tunnel from which they will certainly emerge. Discuss the sexual awakening that’s about to occur as childhood ends and how to handle it responsibly and morally. Not to do so is to leave your child alone to cope with questions they don’t always have the right answers to. Yes, you must instruct and correct them. But if they constantly feel like you’re ‘on their back’ instead of ‘on their team’, they can lack the confidence and initiative needed to trust themselves and develop a healthy self-concept. And if your parents didn’t do this for you, you will have to be extra sensitive and make sure you do it for your children. The psalmist David gives us a prayer God will answer: ‘May our sons flourish in their youth like well-nurtured plants. May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace.’

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.