JP couldn't make the show tonight because he was possibly having a 3-way with two teachers named Connie and Tammy in Vegas last night. What actually happened? No one knows, but JP ended up in his underwear with no recollection of the night, a bunch of brusies on his ass, dirt all over his hands, and a lump on his head. The last thing he remembered was giving a guy in a pink jacket and sunglasses 20 bucks to gamble for him. Cheef poses an interesting hypothesis, positing that men have more elastic bumbs than women. Also, a bunch of generic, wacky, morning show features make this our 69th best show ever.