Good Night

This podcast is about sitting here in my big, manly black leather poppa chair considering Big Louie's advice about what to do today. Big Louie always says "The only way to live happily ever after is to take it one day at a time." And I do want to live happily ever after.

Of course Big Louie says lots of things in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot...available at Amazon...shameless plug. Besides "The only way to live happily ever after is to take it one day at a time" Louie likes to remind us that "If you have any moving parts left, for God's sake, MOVE EM". And "You never know when something wonderful is going to happen."

So I'm trying to figure out how I can take my one day at a time like nobody else is taking his one day at time. But I find myself doing so many of the things you probably do too, that I get concerned that we might all spend our happily ever afters together. Now, I like lots of you, but...comon. Why do we do so many of the same things?

Lots of times when I sit here thinking I click my ball point pen...just like you. Some times when I come home from the supermarket I ballance 4 plastic bags on each arm, grab 2 bags with my teeth, hold a quart of milk between my legs, and bunny hop from my car into the house with the groceries. Way too often I catch myself tap, tap, taping my foot. Why? As much as I hate it, I sometimes start answering a question with the word, "Well" or even the word "So." SO I think we'll have a pretty nice day today. SO WHAT! How are you feellng today Dick? Well...I'm over my cold so I'm well. I know I shouldn't do that, but way too often I fall into that well...just like you...I'll bet.

I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, looking for my maybe. My maybe is not the insect that buzzes around making honey in May.

The maybe I'm looking for is the most important part of the famous formula that says "Honesty = The Truth + Maybe." If you're not familiar with that famous formula, you'll find it in Chapter 11 of my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, Available at Amazon dot com, shameless plug...in the book it says, "Honesty = The Truth + Maybe" means whenever somebody says, "This is the truth, you've got to believe me" it's really time to think to yourself, "Maybe it's time for some serious maybe." As in "Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice." If you'd add some serious "Maybe" to that statement, you'd find that...no...for example the Empire State Building was hit by lightning 23 times last year.

Every month or so, my Lady Wonder Wench looks up at me sweetly, smiles softly, and murmers..."You need a haircut." She never said that to me once before we got married. Now she says it about once a month.

We were at an Andrew Rieu concert recently. Andrew Rieu is a vilonist with a classical orchestra and bushels of hair to spare. He stands on the stage, sawing away at his violin and waving his hair all over the audience. All the women in the audience were swaying back and forth urging him to toss his hair their way. Some women have been known to toss various still warm items of their underwear at him...which encouraged him to even more tossing of his hair.

Right there in the middle of that estrogen eruption the other night, right in the middle of a sway, my Lady Wonder Wench looked up at me sweetly, smlled softly and murmered, "You need a haircut." I am told many women have monthly problems. My hair seems to be her monthly problem.

Looks like I am in for some bodily harm, because I am about to reveal...a secret code which has come to be called, 'The RULES" in this podcast. And Rule #14 is, "Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm to the male." These rules were obviously written by a woman, and I'm pretty sure the threat of bodily harm to which she is referring has nothing to do with the possibility of her punishing me with some kind of complete sexual exhaustion.

This podcast is about Dr. Bobby McFerrin's prescription for getting your life going. It's a good prescription. It includes 10 Happiness Helpers that might actually put a smile on your kisser. Please give it a shot.

Given the choice between getting a million dollars and havingh a world class back scratch administered by a lady bearing a close resemblence to Catherine Zeta Jones, or my Lady Wonder Wench it would be tough choice. Hey, just think, there's are no income taxes on back scratches. Plus, I've found that my voice makes interesting and some would say sexy sounds during a back scratch...which, on occasion in the past, has lead me to having even more enjoyable activities. And of course there's the time honored old saying, "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours—now let's fall in love. Or at least in lust."

Of course you only get a really good backscratch from your lady when she's happy with you. "Happy wife, happy life" is a saying that comes to mind. I'm sure you know that many people must resort to auto back scratching when it has been too long between bouts of social or romantic back scratching. Scratch your back a little with today's podcast.

I just hung my Brooklyn jacket up in the closet. It's a nice blue jacket with the word Brooklyn written across the chest in script...because that's the way the old Brooklyn Dodgers did it in their logos. And I am an old Brooklyn Dodger fan now living in what's called The Red Sox Nation...Massachusetts.

That jacket has taught me a lesson most guys never get. Every time I wear it, people look down at my chest. Almost no other guy can make that statement. You can see it happen. Shifty eyes approach from down the block. Almost always they flick down to check out my chest... because of the word Brooklyn that's written there in script. It's a very strange experience for a guy.

I realize women have the same experience all the time. For sometimes very obvious reasons. It happens all the time. This podcast explains why wearing my Brooklyn jacket gives me a whole different male perspective on life.

I really am glad I'm not a super hero. Partially because I really would be embarassed to have some of my thoughts written in a big baloon over my head. But I am a guy. And all guys are part animal. Some of us just make better pets than others.

I am also a God father. I'm encouraging my nephew to call me God for short. I like that. Speaking of God, if you go to heaven and God sneezes, what do you say? I'm glad I'm no super hero, but I do work out. You've got to be strong to break a dark chocolate bar into 4 pieces, and then eat only one. Besides...lots of interesting things happen in a gym. There's a story about one of those things in today's podcast.

There's one word that's understood in every language...all around the word. You understand it, your buddy in Mongolia understands it. His girlfriend in Germany understands it. EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS IT. It's a miracle word. Learn to use it. Especially you guys. Be an understanding guy.

Women like understanding guys. Learn how to use the Miracle word guys, and women all over the world will be all over you. Google says, This miracle word is "used to express scorn, anger, disbelief, surprise, or amusement." So it's a word you don't want to see on a note about your income tax from the IRS. You don't want to see it, but you'd damn welll understand it. Everybody all over the world would understand it. If you were a witness when a beautiful naked woman robbed a bank, and the cops asked you to describe her face...you'd probably answer with that miracle word. Behind many an angry woman stands a man who is probably saying THE MIRACLE WORD over and over.

Some waitress flee in terror when I show up at the diner. And IT'S NOT MY FAULT. I think waitresses deserve a lot of respect, and an occasional giggle. Lots of times they're single moms trying hard to take care of their kids. This podcast is an intense pat on the back for all of them...high up on their backs.