Good Night

This is about the night sounds of the summer. Hard to believe that all that soft sound is made by some one ounce crickets. Seems to me that they'd have to be about 100 pounds to make all that soft sound. And a 100 pound cricket is an ugly thought. There are lots of giggles in this podcast. And giggles are good.

I'm grateful for lots of the big things we have, but we sometimes take for granted...like dependable electricity, enough food and clean water. But I'm grateful for lots of little things too. Like the ice cream sandwich with the little flakes of dark chocolate I had last night, walking on the beach with my Lady Wonder Wench, and holding her hand. We shared a bag of hot, buttered popcorn when we got home. How about flinging a Frisbee with my buddy Randy next door. How about the sound of ice cubes bouncing against a glass full of fizzy soda, or the word y'all in a sentence that goes something like, "We're sure glad to see y'all. That's what my brother Jeff said when we went to visit him in Texas. Little things that make life good. Like the chuckle I got when I saw an ad for a ladies clothing store that said, "Ladies, make his day. Take 80% off." I immediately started thinking, hey, that's a great idea. See? Gratitude Attitude. That's what this podcast is all about.

"Stop biting your toe nails." How often have you heard that one? Today's podcast explains why you might hear somebody say it to you in church. So be careful if you go to church wearing flip flops.

"If you obey all the rules, you will miss an awful lot of the fun." That's one of Big Louie's best observations. I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room...in shock. To say nothing of dismay. I have just learned that the Miss Universe Pageant has eliminated the bathing suit competition in an embarrassing nod to political correctness. It's their new rules. Listen people. Pay attention to Big Louie when he says "If you obey all the rules you will miss an awful lot of the fun." I consider this to be a terrible sneak attack on love itself.

Here's what I mean. "If love is blind how come bikinis are so popular." What's next? Streakers beware?. After all, this may mean your end is in sight...so to speak...streakers. Why are they doing this to us. By us, I mean Louie Louie Generation gentlemen. When a woman wearing even the tiniest string bikini walks down the beach, a Louie Louie generation guy watches only the parts of her that are more or less covered. What is the problem with these Miss Universe people? Don't they understand that a bikini is a little like a barbed wire fence? Look at it this way, a barbed wire fence and a bikini both protect the property without obstructing the view. Some of those women are visual candy stores. But these Miss Universe people want to put us all on a starvation diet.

Life is like a giant roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes. Early Summer goes very fast. I think it's the fastest season of all. This podcast is going to help you get a little Summer loving while you still have time.

This was recorded on my back deck, while enjoying a back yard swing, with shoes off. Early Summer has the most precious moments of the year for me. Early Summer is a woman. She's not here for long. Way too soon watermealoning changes to apple bobbing, then there's September Song, and before you know it you're singing Jingle Bells again...and hoping another another Early Summer gets here soon. Minute by minute, the Summer slips away. The best we can do is catch her before she Falls.

Who, what, when, where and why are the five questions any story should answer. And the most important question is "Why?" So I'm sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly black leather poppa chair in my living room thinking about the whys in my life.

For example, why do I leave the expensive house I live in, and get dressed up in expensive clothes, drive through tough traffic in a car I'm still paying for, to get to a job that I need to pay for the clothes, the car, and the house I'm not in, because I'm at work? And is the reason it's called work because all the other four letter words were taken? And on the subject of words, why should I trust that the words in the dictionary aren't misspelled? And why are loneliness and cheeseburgers such a dangerous combination?

Why don't we just quit voting to see if the politicians will all just go away? If stop lights are timed for 35 mph, why doesn't that mean they're also timed for 70mph? If sex is so dirty and shameful, why are we supposed to save it for someone we love? And on that subject, why don't women ever say "Let's go to bed and have sex"? Yes, why don't they? And on that subject, don't you just hate it when some guy says, "We're pregnant." BS. SHE's pregnant and he's usually scared spitless.

Worse yet, is "We're working at getting pregnant." That's WORK? Work, work work away is what I say. Let's do overtime.

This podcast is about a problem most guys have. They mostly grunt at ladies. Then they spit and scratch. But Louie Louie Generation guys like me, spin stories for our ladies instead. We know that ladies like stories. And we like ladies.

"Once upon a time" it is said, a little Louie Louie Generation frog told a wonderful story he called "Ribit-Ribit" to a princess. "Ribit-Ribit" was all he said. But it made her smile. He was just a little frog, but she liked his "Ribit-Ribit"story so much that she kissed him, and he instantly turned into a prince, complete with a fancy carriage.

At least that's what the Princess told her mother when she walked into the bedroom and found that handsome young man in there with her daughter. Mom wasn't buying it. She had the frog's carriage toad away. It's really tough being a guy. We do the best we can with what we have to offer. But it is a problem. There's a story in this podcast about a lady who met a hard guy, and what happened one night. It's a story worth hearing.

It's called "Junk Mail." But think of the fun fantasies it can start going in your head. The Lands End catalog for example has a picture of a bunch of guys standing around in their underwear. A few pages away are a bunch of ladies standing around in their underwear. In my fantasy, I could hear one of the ladies whisper something to me. When I listened more carefully, I could hear what she was saying. "Why doesn't that guy close the magazine so we could get together with those guys and..party." Fantasies can be so much fun. Give a listen and get some of your best going.

"Shazam" is a fake magic word. "Maybe" is a real magic word. You can say "Shazam" till you run out of breath and nothing will happen. You won't get a fancy cape and the ability to fly. But when you say "Maybe" and mean it, just once, your mighty imagination fires up and goes to work. "Maybe" can change everything for you.

I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair, looking across the room at my lovely Lady Wonder Wench. She just came out of a shower. She's wearing a towel wrapped around her hair, her soft, blue bathrobe, and her two piece. That's her bedroom slippers...her two piece.

Sometimes she slinks around here wearing just her two piece...and through the years, those have been some of my luckiest, happiest times. We've been together for a long time. And I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky. There were lots of maybes involved. It's like Stephen Hawking said: "The most exciting words in physics aren't ‘Now we know', the most exciting words in physics are "How come?" "How come" is another way of saying "Maybe."

The first answer to my question about how I got so lucky to have her in my life, that comes to my feverish mind is sex. But then I remember that Big Louie, the head guy of the Louie Louie generation always claims that, "Sex is never the answer". Louie says "Sex is often the question. And if you get lucky the answer is sometimes yes."