Gotta Go (All Things Poop)

Welcome back to another episode of Mary Poopins, where we dive deep into the fascinating, fragrant world of human waste. Today, we're tackling the Bristol Stool Chart, a medical chart that's the Michelin Guide for your morning constitutional.

If you've ever wondered whether your poop is more of a Type 3 or Type 4, or if you've found yourself in heated debates about stool consistency, this episode is for you. We'll explore how seven simple categories revolutionized the way we talk about our most intimate bodily function and why this chart has become so culturally significant.

Let's embark on this journey through the most comprehensive classification system for human excrement.

Welcome to episode #27 of Mary Poopins, where we flush away pretense and dive deep into the most fundamental yet under-discussed aspect of RV life: handling your waste while camping or living in a house on wheels. As countless families hit the road for adventure this summer, a sacred ritual awaits them at journey's end – the ceremonial dumping of the black water tank.

Flush with Excitement: Poop-Themed Travel in Asia

Today, we dive feet first and hold our noses into the toilet-themed attractions of Asia, where bodily functions aren't shameful secrets but the basis for full-blown amusement parks and novelty restaurants. It’s tourism that’s flush with possibility—literally.

That one hot tip led us down the toilet bowl of discovery, dredging up everything from a fecal-themed amusement park in Seoul to a thriving porcelain-palace-meets-dining-hall in Taipei. Along the way, we asked hard-hitting questions: What happens when you slide out of a colon as a leisure activity? Is it okay to eat dessert shaped like a dump?

We’ve all heard that everyone poops, but not everyone builds an entire entertainment complex around it. Let's fix that—or at least document it. Grab your Squatty Potty; we’re off.

Taking Post-Meal Strolls to New Digestive Dimensions

While wellness influencers hawk $200 miracle supplements and boutique fitness studios charge platinum-tier memberships, a revolutionary health practice is breezing through social media feeds—and it won't cost you a penny. For Episode 25, enter the "fart walk," the gloriously unpretentious activity that's precisely what it sounds like: a post-meal stroll that encourages your body to release gas and, ultimately, produce more satisfying bowel movements. This delightfully straightforward practice is causing quite the rumble in health circles, with scientific evidence piling up behind what might be the most honestly named wellness trend of the decade.

Legal & Disclaimer: This story is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No matter where you go when you gotta go, please consult a licensed doctor for all medical issues. The views expressed here are those of Mary Poopins and do not constitute medical advice.

Support this groundbreaking Substack at buymeacoffee.com/marypoopins.

References

NPR Life Kit. (2024, December 12). Why you should take a 'fart walk' after a meal. NPR. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/transcripts/1218737982

Musto, J. (2025, May 5). What the heck is a fart walk? Why this practice is being hailed as the secret to healthy aging. The Independent. Retrieved from https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/fart-walk-benefits-type-2-diabetes-cancer-b2744886.html

Whelan, L. (2024, August 21). Why 'Fart Walks' Are So Good for Your Health. Right as Rain, UW Medicine. Retrieved from https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/body/food/fart-walks-digestion-blood-sugar

Sloan, E. (2024, November 26). Why a Family 'Fart Walk' Should Be on Your Agenda This Thanksgiving. SELF Magazine. Retrieved from https://www.self.com/story/fart-walk-thanksgiving

The Call of Nature Above the Clouds

Since humankind first took to the skies, we've faced one inescapable truth: what goes in must come out, regardless of altitude. While engineers have conquered sonic booms, turbulence, and in-flight entertainment systems with seventeen language options, they've never quite mastered the art of dignified airborne defecation. The airplane bathroom is aviation's most humbling achievement—a cramped confessional where passengers of all walks confront their humanity at 30,000 feet in the most visceral terms. Let's dive right in.

You're cruising when your stomach makes that unmistakable gurgle. Perhaps you've just passed the last rest stop for 50 miles, or traffic has reached a standstill thanks to an accident ahead. Suddenly, that breakfast bomb—the one you boldly proclaimed "couldn't possibly cause trouble"—is staging a full-scale revolution in your intestines, and your options are dwindling faster than your ability to clench.

While discussing bathroom emergencies in vehicles may elicit nervous laughter or embarrassed silence, it's a surprisingly common predicament—a dark underbelly of the American road trip experience that rivals any horror story Stephen King might conjure. This article explores the uncomfortable truth about pooping in cars: who does it, what happens when it occurs, and how society responds to these inevitable human moments that transform ordinary vehicles into temporary porta-potties.

As the spring sun welcomes the day, and in the coming weeks, the mercury climbs, humans engage in an age-old ritual of communal immersion that would horrify our ancestors: we willingly submerge ourselves in the same water as dozens, sometimes hundreds, of strangers. Yes, I'm talking about swimming pools, those shimmering blue rectangles of refreshment that beckon us with promises of cool relief from the sweltering heat. From municipal aquatic centers to hotel offerings to water parks with their elaborate slides and artificial waves, these chlorinated havens represent summer's most democratic institution—open to all who can afford the modest entry fee and are willing to expose their winter-pale bodies to public scrutiny and their nether regions to a chemical soup of questionable origin.

Yet beneath the surface of this seemingly innocent pastime lurks a dark reality that most swimmers actively repress, a truth so disturbing that pool managers address it only in hushed tones and clinical language. I speak of the universal yet rarely acknowledged phenomenon of poop in pools. Today's episode tackles the taboo topic of fecal contamination in our shared aquatic playgrounds. While last time we explored the fascinating world of portable toilets, this time we're examining what happens when nature calls, and proper facilities are either unavailable, inconvenient, or simply ignored in favor of the "just go in the water" approach that turns swimming pools into humanity's largest communal toilet.

Legal & Disclaimer

This story is for informative and entertainment purposes only. No matter where you go when you gotta go, please consult a licensed doctor for all medical issues. The views expressed here are those of Mary Poopins and do not constitute medical advice.

Support this groundbreaking Substack at buymeacoffee.com/marypoopins.

Introduction

It started with a corn dog and a fatal underestimation of jalapeño cheese sauce. Somewhere between the third food truck and the main stage, disaster struck—a gastrointestinal wake-up call that sent one poor soul sprinting toward the row of blue booths with a look of sheer panic. We never saw him again, but we all felt his pain.

Welcome to Mary Poopins, Episode 21, where we’re diving deep into the often-overlooked but always-essential world of porta-potties. These plastic portals to relief are the unsung heroes (and sometimes villains) of festivals, construction sites, and disaster zones alike. From their surprisingly regal history to horror stories that will haunt your nose hairs, we’re flushing out the secrets behind these humble havens.

It’s a story of logistics, bodily functions, and a lot of hope.

Legal & Disclaimer

This story is for informative and entertainment purposes only. No matter where you go when you gotta go, please consult a licensed doctor for all medical issues. The views expressed here are those of Mary Poopins and do not constitute medical advice.

support our work at buymeacoffee.com/marypoopins.

References

· Wikipedia. "Portable toilet." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portable_toilet

· Honey Bucket. July 2, 2021. "A Brief History of Portable Restrooms." https://honeybucket.com/a-brief-history-of-portable-restrooms/

· Service Sanitation. "Portable Restroom Calculator." https://www.servicesanitation.com/portable-restroom-calculator/

· AYS Rentals. August 27, 2019. "What is the Rule of Thumb for the Number of Porta Potties I Need?" https://www.aysrentals.com/articles/what-is-the-rule-of-thumb-for-the-number-of-porta-potties-i-need

· Prime Dumpster. December 14, 2024. “Wild and Crazy Porta Potty Stories.” https://primedumpster.com/porta-potties/porta-potty-stories/

Introduction: Down the Hatch and Into Trouble

If someone told you five years ago that human poop facials would be trending in the skincare world, you’d probably flush that idea down faster than a triple-ply Charmin swirl. And yet here we are. In 2024, amidst serums infused with snail mucin and vampire facials that look like they belong on a horror film set, we now have the poop mask. Not bird poop. Not even purified spa-exfoliant feces from a rare nightingale's shimmering cloaca. No, we’re talking about human poop—DIY, fresh-from-the-butt facials applied in the name of glowing, ageless skin.

And people are actually doing it.

Brazilian influencer Débora Peixoto—known for her boundary-pushing skincare stunts, including the viral #periodfacemask—remains the very flushed face of this trend. In a video posted to Instagram on August 2, 2024, Peixoto applies her own feces as a mask, holding her nose with a clothespin and proclaiming, “It’s the craziest thing I’ve done in my life—but it worked for me!” (MDLinx, August 29, 2024; New York Post, August 8, 2024).

So is poop the secret to porcelain skin—or just another case of the internet collectively losing its mind?

In this definitive Mary Poopins investigation, we’ll swirl through:

* the cultural and historical roots of fecal beauty treatments,

* the modern influencer-fueled evolution of the poop facial,

* what science and dermatologists have to say (spoiler: it’s not good),

* and how we got from bird poop facials with ancient tradition to people literally smearing their own waste on TikTok.

Get ready, dear reader. This skincare story will stick with you. 💩✨

LEGAL & DISCLAIMER

This story is for informative and entertainment purposes only. No matter what you put on your face, please consult a licensed doctor for all medical issues. The views expressed here are those of Mary Poopins and do not constitute medical advice.

For more outrageous and must-read content, support our work at buymeacoffee.com/marypoopins.

Welcome to the wild, weird world of things that shouldn't be inside you—but somehow found their way there anyway. Consider this your backstage (back door?) pass to the greatest show on earth: Humans Putting Strange Things Where The Sun Don't Shine.

Everyday across America, emergency room staff exchange knowing glances as yet another patient arrives with something stuck somewhere it absolutely shouldn't be. From the toddler who thought a quarter looked delicious to the college student who can't explain how that lightbulb got where it is (spoiler alert: they absolutely can explain, they just don't want to), the human body has become an unintentional storage unit for the strangest items imaginable.

As your guide on this journey, Mary Poopins promises to deliver medical reality and cheeky charm as we explore what goes in and why it sometimes refuses to come out. The heroic medical professionals who stand ready with forceps, lube, and poker faces deserve Academy Awards. After all, what goes in must come out—though sometimes with considerably more medical intervention than nature intended.

Thanks for listening, thanks for reading! If you enjoy Mary Poopins, please support the work at buymeacoffee.com/marypoopins.

This story is for informative entertainment purposes only. Please see a licensed doctor for all medical issues.