Picture this: you're in a public restroom, doing the universal potty dance of desperation, when you finally secure a stall—only to be greeted by a toilet seat that's seen more strange behinds than a celebrity plastic surgeon. Your options? The thigh-burning hover squat (aka "the invisible chair workout"), the frantic toilet paper wipe-down (which somehow always dissolves at first contact), or reaching for humanity's greatest bathroom innovation since indoor plumbing—that flimsy paper horseshoe known as the disposable toilet seat cover. It's the underwear for toilets that nobody asked for, but everybody uses.

Introduction: The Unsung Hero of Human Civilization

Picture this: you're sitting on your porcelain throne, reaching for that familiar toilet paper roll without a second thought. But have you ever paused mid-wipe to consider the extraordinary journey leading to this comfortable moment? From ancient civilizations scraping with seashells to modern panic-buying that emptied store shelves worldwide, the story of toilet paper reveals more about human ingenuity, social values, and global commerce than you might expect.

As scholar Yen Chih-Thui noted in 589 AD, some papers were too precious for posterior purposes: "Paper on which there are quotations or commentaries from the Five Classics or the names of sages, I dare not use for toilet purposes." Yet for thousands of years before and after this observation, humanity has been on a relentless quest to solve one of life's most basic yet universal challenges: how to clean up after answering nature's call. Let’s find out more.

Thanks for listening! If you enjoy Mary Poopins, please subscribe and support us at buymeacoffee.com/marypoopins. Until next time, may your rolls always be plentiful, your plumbing sturdy, and your bathroom visits surprisingly entertaining!

Citations

Ponti, C. (2023, July 27). All the ways we’ve wiped: The history of toilet paper and what came before. History. https://www.history.com/news/toilet-paper-hygiene-ancient-rome-china

Wikipedia contributors. (2025, March 9). Toilet paper. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper

Barry, S. (2022, April 8). A brief history of toilet paper. PlantPaper. https://plantpaper.us/blogs/news/a-brief-history-of-toilet-paper?srsltid=AfmBOorfm6LNJsmFANH3qNYsOSVY8pA1qfP55oyuiCR9Dq11sj3xN6Aa&sscid=31k9_d1ft6&utm_source=SAS&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=3237132&utm_content=2508648

Kimberly-Clark Corporation. (n.d.). The roll that changed history: Disposable toilet tissue story. Retrieved from https://www.kimberly-clark.com/en-us/-/media/kimberly/pdf/innovation/productevol_toilettissue_umbracofile.pdf

Lenz, P. (2024, July 12). A history of… toilet paper: Getting to the bottom of some fascinating history. The History of Things. Retrieved from https://www.gethistories.com/p/a-history-of-toilet-paper

Engber, D. (2011, September 19). What Do Bears Have to Do with Toilet Paper. Slate. https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2011/09/a-short-history-of-toilet-paper-marketing.html

Garbe, L., Rau, R., & Toppe, T. (2020). Influence of perceived threat of Covid-19 and HEXACO personality traits on toilet paper stockpiling. PLOS ONE, 15(6), e0234232. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0234232

Image with navy background by lyperzyt from Pixabay

💩 Boo! Did your poop just vanish into thin air? Welcome back to Mary Poopins, where we break down the wild, wonderful, and occasionally WTF world of bodily functions—because, let’s be honest, we all think about this stuff.

The last two episodes uncovered how coffee and tea can send your bowels into overdrive. But for Episode 16, we’re tackling a bathroom mystery so legendary it’s practically paranormal: ghost poops. These sneaky, no-trace toilet departures are the Bigfoot of the bowel world—often discussed, rarely understood. Is it gut health? Sorcery? A particularly ambitious toilet flush? Let’s get to the bottom of it. 🚽👻

Thanks for listening, boo! You can support this work at buymeacoffee.com/marypoopins!

👻 Beware, weary traveler of the porcelain realm! If your bowel’s whispers turn to eerie wails or unsettling mysteries, seek counsel from a licensed medical sage! 🩺💀💩

Today, we spill the tea, guiding you through the wild, wonderful, and sometimes weird world of bodily functions.

Last time, we covered the coffee and poop connection. For Episode 15, we’re diving into a drink that’s also been around for thousands of years—tea. Yep, the same soothing brew that calms your nerves, warms your soul... and occasionally sends you running to the bathroom. But why does a cup of chamomile suddenly become an express train to Pooptown? And is it just me, or does green tea have a secret agenda?

We’ll steep ourselves in the ancient history of tea—think Chinese emperors, accidental leaf drops, and even a tale involving a monk who cut off his eyelids (yep, that’s a thing). Then, we’ll get into the nitty-gritty—caffeine, laxative herbs, and how tea’s soothing warmth isn’t just great for your hands and gut. Let’s dive into the steamy secrets of why tea does more than just warm your soul!

Why does coffee send so many of us running for the bathroom? Episode 14 of Mary Poopins comes to you thanks to our first paying sponsor member, who, in her infinite wisdom (or post-latte desperation), asked us to investigate this pressing question.

We’re not saying every cup of coffee turns into a countdown clock for your intestines. Some people can sip espresso all day without a problem, while others barely get past the first sip before breaking into an Olympic sprint to the restroom. And if you’re one of those lucky few who claim coffee has zero effect—congratulations on your ironclad digestive system. We see you. We envy you.

For the rest of us, coffee isn’t just about waking up—it’s about getting things moving. But why does this happen? What’s in coffee that turns our intestines into a high-speed conveyor belt? And why does it work so fast?

The Coffee Shop Conundrum

How’d we get here? Let’s talk about the ultimate betrayal: a coffee shop without bathroom access. What are we supposed to do? Do we just hope for the best? The café industry thrives on coffee-fueled productivity, yet they expect customers to hold it in. Madness.

In today’s episode, we break down the science, history, and inevitable results of your morning brew. We’ll hear from researchers and real caffeine drinkers.

So grab your coffee, settle in, and prepare to learn why your favorite beverage just might be nature’s most effective laxative.

---

Are you revved up and feeling great? Keep the coffee energy going and support this work at buymeacoffee.com/marypoopins!

Of course, if you have any medical or potty issues, please consult a licensed medical professional! 💩☕

Last time, we explored the earliest forms of waste disposal, from prehistoric open-air bathroom breaks to ancient Rome's relatively advanced sewer systems. But after the fall of Rome, things took a turn for the worse. As indoor plumbing vanished and public sanitation collapsed, humanity entered the Dark Ages of going to the bathroom.

Buckle up, friends, because Part 2 is all about chamber pots, medieval moats full of poop, Victorian cholera outbreaks, and the invention of the modern flush toilet. If you thought Roman communal sponges were bad, just wait until you hear about what came next.

We use toilets daily, yet take for granted the fact that we can flush and walk away without a second thought instead of tossing the contents of a chamber pot out a window and hoping for the best. The road to modern plumbing was long, messy, and, at times, horrifyingly unsanitary.

In this first episode, we’re covering the earliest attempts at waste management, from the caveman era (where “going” was as simple as finding a good bush) to the impressive sewer systems of ancient Rome, where bathroom breaks were more social events than private retreats. We’ll explore the accidental genius of early sanitation methods, the catastrophic failures of some of history’s worst bathroom designs, and the infamous communal sponge on a stick that the Romans thought was a good idea.

But this is just the beginning. Because after Rome’s glorious indoor plumbing came crashing down with the empire's fall, things got significantly worse before they got better. In part two, we’ll dive into the absolute nightmare of medieval sanitation, the filth-ridden cities of the Renaissance, and how humans finally crawled their way out of the sewage-filled streets and into the comfort of indoor plumbing.

So, sit back, get comfortable, and be grateful for whatever bathroom situation you have today—because, as you’re about to find out, history’s toilets were much worse.

On April 19, 2022, the Brinnon Fire Department received an unforgettable call: a woman had fallen headfirst into a vault toilet at the top of Mount Walker. The 40-something hiker had dropped her phone into the dark abyss while using the facility. What followed was a desperate attempt to retrieve it—dismantling the toilet seat, fashioning a makeshift retrieval tool with her dog’s leash, and ultimately slipping into the 8-foot pit herself.

With her phone miraculously still functional, she used it to call 911 after 15-20 harrowing minutes of trying to escape on her own. Responders from Brinnon Fire Department and Quilcene Fire Rescue rushed to the scene, finding the woman trapped but uninjured, her loyal dog likely bewildered by the entire ordeal. What unfolded next was a rescue mission unlike any other.

Episode 11 of Mary Poopins dives headfirst—much like our unfortunate protagonist—into the literal pits of despair. Set against the majestic beauty of Mount Walker in Washington’s Olympic Peninsula, this episode takes a wild turn from serene hiking trails and breathtaking views to the dark, ominous depths of a vault toilet. It’s almost as if nature and the toilet took revenge on this woman.

Stick around as we unravel the details of this odyssey, sprinkle in some potty humor, and remind you why no phone is worth the plunge. 💩

Constipation, or fewer than three bowel movements a week, can become an all-consuming preoccupation, spiraling into stress, anxiety, and even obsession. Inspired by one of our fabulous and loyal readers, we’re here to explore the intricate mind-gut connection with equal parts science, humor, and heart. So, grab your fiber bar, take a deep breath, and prepare to laugh, learn, and maybe even feel a little lighter—emotionally. Let’s get things moving—literally and figuratively!

Welcome to Gotta Go with Mary Poopins, the podcast where we flush out the fascinating stories behind all things bathrooms. It’s especially exciting to see new subscribers—thank you, your support means the world! Today that means some world travel and a bit of cheeky humor. We’re headed to a toilet so stunning, it might just make your bucket list—or should we say, your porcelain throne list, where you can do the ultimate doo.

We’re diving into Ureddplassen, Norway’s $2 million roadside restroom that’s redefining what it means to “go” on a road trip. With its wave-like architecture, marble amphitheater, and views of fjords so breathtaking, you might just forget why you stopped in the first place. Spoiler: It’s not just for the view.

From skaters rating its steps 10/10 to travelers calling it the poo of a lifetime, we’ll unpack why this isn’t just a pit stop—it’s the crown jewel of public bathrooms. So grab your travel map, pack some hand soap just in case, and get ready to laugh as we explore how Norway turned a toilet into a tourist attraction. Let’s go!