What a journey this season has been! Thank you so much for joining me, listening week in and week out. What a beautiful, teachable heart you all have. I've met so many interesting people I never would have had the opportunity to meet in the course of my ordinary life. Sometimes we have to go out of our way to meet people outside our spheres of influence. Today's episode will be a deep dive into what these past few months have taught me about the formerly incarcerated as well as the U.S criminal justice system.
I'd like to start with a few statistics. According to the Pew Research Center, as of the end of 2019, there are over 2.1 million people incarcerated in the United States. According to the World Prison Brief, 10.3% of those prisoners are female and .2% are under 18. Generally, recidivism rates are over 70%. Keep in mind though, that each state has differing methods and metrics for determining these statistics. Different metrics tell different stories. For example, according to the Council on Criminal Justice, the severity of the original conviction offense is not indicative of recidivism risk nor do older people return to prison at the same rate as young people. I've included some helpful articles in the show notes for those of you who might like to go deeper on these topics. These recidivism rates matter when it comes to the people I've interviewed this season and to the work of Defy Ventures who boasts a less than 10% recidivism rate of EIT's (Entrepreneurs in Training) who have graduated from their program. What makes these people different? Why did they decide to "change their hustle" and others don't? I don't know the answer to that question. But I'm indebted to those kind, courageous, changed souls who let me glimpse into their hearts, lives, and minds and were willing to share their stories.
What happens when belief systems, ideological worldviews, or long-held opinions you've defended as truth your entire life bump up against contradictions that prove those prior concepts as fallible? How do you deal with that tension? How do you explain it to yourself? Do you tighten your grip on your belief and become even more dogmatic because you fear what confronting it might mean? Do you justify your thoughts and actions because of tradition, authority, or moral superiority? It's the tough love approach to life. Or, do you let these new and different perspectives slowly seep into the fabric of your consciousness until you find yourself one day espousing a new belief? It's a slow process that eventually yields a new way of acting and thinking about others and the world around you. It ultimately changes how you live your life. Or, do you listen intently, lean in with caution, and face the fact that your supposed truths are evolving to an even larger, more inclusive level? You confront your mistaken beliefs, misplaced judgements, and misunderstood assumptions and use your newfound knowledge to transform your life and see yourself in the shared humanity around you.
During this season, I imagine you might have found yourself working through all three of these emotional and intellectual responses. Certain episodes might have been easier to digest than others. Sometimes you may have felt more judgement, others more compassion. We come to every new encounter with the lens of how we see the world based on our lived experience. When someone challenges that, at first it's offensive to us. But over time, we become softer the more stories we hear and people we meet. We begin to see that if we were in the other person's shoes, maybe we might have also made similar choices. How are we to know? Eventually, your default becomes an open heart right from the start. People no longer have to prove themselves to you. You let them be who they are, where they are. They are doing the best they can with the knowledge they have at this time in their lives, as are you, and you see yourself in them. This is love.
The themes I noticed this season and will discuss one by one are:
1) the need/desire to belong
2) the importance of parenting
3) the desire to go back to a simpler time
4) the power of second chances
5) giving back
6) personal responsibility
7) resilience
I wanted to learn more about the psychology of belonging and what drove so many of my guests this season into the accepting arms of gang life. So I studied Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. It is a 5-tiered motivational theory of psychological human needs. Maslow supposits that the lower levels or "deficient" needs on the pyramid must be met before the higher level or "growth" needs. The levels from the bottom up are: Physiological, Safety, Love & Belonging, Esteem, Self-Actualization. These needs build on each other. If a lower need has not been satisfied, it is deficient, therefore, making it harder to progress and grow into higher level needs. However, this isn't a rigid progression. We do not move through the pyramid in a linear fashion, it seems to be more fluid based on our life experiences. So at its core, belonging means being part of a cohesive group with a shared identity. All humans have this social desire. Depending on the environment we grow up in, we achieve this psychological need in different ways. What I'm getting at is, it's much harder to look down on someone for choosing to join a gang when you can relate to the desire to want to be a part of a group bigger than yourself as well. Andy Lopez from Episode 13 speaks with authority on the topic of gang life and belonging….his words touch at the heart of the allure...a place to belong, be accepted, be loved, be family. He said something striking, "We're kids trying to be men in a world that we don't know nothing about." He had an almost parental sense of love and protection of the kids under him. Yet, the street code dictates that you solve all your problems with violence. It's a warped version of love and belonging.
Some of my guests this season admitted they had great parents but still screwed up anyways - they were determined to take their own path. Others had tragic home lives. But in all the cases, there was a disconnect somewhere that caused them to feel a lack of care, support, love, or acceptance from a parent. I think the deeper issue that needs to be addressed is what is happening at home where kids don't feel valued, aren't taught who they are, or how to be a contributing member of society - the supreme role that parents and/or caregivers play in the lives of their kids. Could we stop the flow of kids seeking out gangs by teaching parents how to be better parents? As posited by British psychologist John Bowlby, “Childrens’ disturbed behavior is a response to actual experience of neglect, brutality, separation. We learn self-care from the way we are cared for. The skill of self-regulation is dependent on how harmonious our early interactions with caregivers are. Children whose parents are reliable sources of comfort and strength have a lifetime advantage.” Darlene, from episode 12 understands this and sees the importance in her role as a parent in ensuring a healthy mindset and self esteem in her kids. She's walked the road of poor coping skills and low self-esteem. She knows what she lacked and is doing everything in her power to change that narrative for her kids.
The third theme was that of "simpler times." I was honestly surprised that when my guests were given a choice of any time or place in history or the present to visit, most of them answered with a variation of "a simpler time." I find that truly intriguing. I can relate to that desire as well. But I also think we tend to idealize times in the past which in turn makes ...
