This would be so much more fun in a community setting if we could each share our takeaways with each other and support one another in our growing and learning process. I gain so much from hearing your thoughts and experiences. Thank you to each one of you who have shared with me throughout the season. And finally, as much as I look forward to sharing what I've learned this season with you, I'm equally nervous. This is very personal. It's as if you found the key to my diary and are able to read my secret thoughts. I feel very vulnerable here. Please know that we don't have to agree, this is just where I am and what I've learned, what I'm confessing I didn't know, what I feel I need to do to improve. I have so far to go...but, thankfully this is a journey and I'm on the path forward. Thank you again for allowing me to share my journey with you.
So, what have I learned this season? More than I have words to adequately express. The main idea: we are all connected, what affects one of us, affects all of us. We are better, stronger, and more successful together. We need each other. I echo Holocaust survivor, Elie Wiesel's observation that, "if we want to achieve anything good, we cannot do it alone." Some concepts are still sitting on my heart, too raw to be put into words. Others have been ruminating these past few months and I have come to own these ideas as my own and am finally able to verbalize them. This is what I've learned so far from each and every guest I had the honor of conversing with.
There are several overarching themes I gleaned from this season and they are: forgiveness, kindness, listening, dialogue, and giving the benefit-of-the-doubt. As Janice Bonsu from episode 10 so succinctly summed it up for us: "There is no small act of racism or discrimination." Every act, no matter how miniscule it seems, cuts to the heart. Some of the analogies used to describe racism were: the waters we swim in, a back-pack we carry, code switching, and an invisible wall. These helped me gain a better visual picture. There were also some extremely thought provoking metaphors several guests referenced, from Precious' butterfly effect, Crystal's dartboard friends, Chalmer's broken glasses, and Harold's government father. These brought broader dimensions of awareness and understanding to the sometimes narrow definitions of racism.
The first overarching concept would be to appreciate our commonality and celebrate our diversity. And to acknowledge that we can hold both ideals at the same time. This is how we build unity. This is how we show respect. Tribalism happens when we find our identity from only the things we have in common. Relativism occurs when we say everything holds the same weight and we gloss over our unique and distinguishing differences. There is a third way, a nondual way….holding the two in tension. And yes, it is tension because it is a daily choice. We are human and we feel better when we fit neatly into a group. But life is messy. We encounter and interact with people not like us on a daily basis. When that happens, we have a choice to make...we can recoil with disgust at the difference or we can open our circle to include the one not like us without giving up our own unique identity. That is the meaning behind...there is no them, just us.
My second observation is that there is so much fear. Sadly, many African Americans live in fear of being pulled over by the police and how the law can be manipulated against them. This fear is borne of experience and reality and is not to be discounted. Rather we need to listen and learn. How can we make it better? Just bringing up the topic of police reform sets off nasty tempers and commentary on social media. It doesn't have to be polarizing. We can't fix anything if we can't dialogue about it and come to some shared understanding. I agree with Myriama's question, "Why can't the lives of a police officer matter and my life matter?" Just because something might not be my reality does not mean I need to discredit someone else's lived experience.
The sad and unfortunate truth is that in this country Black Americans live a different reality than White Americans do. We cannot judge their responses, fears, or reactions to police encounters the same way we judge a white American's. It is extremely evident given the disproportionate amount of Black Lives unjustly taken by American Police is a massive problem in our country. We are at a boiling point. We MUST listen to the Black experience so we can overhaul this system and have peace keepers working for the good, safety, and protection of ALL its citizens. It can be done, but it is going to take a deep dive into addressing the root of the problem, and that seems to be the biggest issue. Too often law enforcement feels self-justified in their actions and don't want to take a critical look at what can be done differently and/or better. This becomes highly evident to anyone who had the chance to read Officer Coleman's book about his experience in the police academy. African American citizens are suffering under the heavy hand of police brutality, but especially Black Americans and poor Americans. We can do better. We can be better. The more people that stand up against police brutality of any kind towards all people, the more it will force local, state, and federal governments as well as police forces to do the hard, uncomfortable work of self-evaluation, owning responsibility for their actions, and making amends.
Another type of fear is that of the "other", the one not like me. The type of fear of someone like J. Kevin Powell from episode 14. Remember how he said that he knew people feared black men in a hoodie and that made him afraid to wear a hoodie until his 40s because he knew white people would fear him? Jonathan Saks in his book, The Dignity of Difference says: "Anxiety creates fear, fear leads to anger, anger breeds violence, and violence becomes a deadly reality. The greatest single antidote to violence is conversation, speaking our fears, listening to the fears of others, and in sharing of vulnerabilities, discovering a genesis of hope." Take some time and sit with that idea for a while to see if it rings true in your life.
Just as white people find it absurd to think that we all experience the world the same way just because we share the same skin color, so do Black people. As Chalmer in episode 15 said so perfectly, "One person doesn't represent the entire race." This was a major theme repeated over and over again this season. Almost every guest, in one way or another said this phrase, "I'm not speaking for all black people here...this is just my experience." They are acutely aware because they've been put in that position too many times before. Are there overarching generalities of both groups of people that are probably true? Yes, to some extent. But, sadly, because of ignorance, self-interest, or hate those are often quickly turned into stereotypes and then the norm. We have to fight the urge to lump large groups of people into stereotypical categories. Sadly, this is all too common. Here are some examples: Chinese people are all good at math, Indian people are all good at computer programming, Mexicans are best at manual labor, Black people make the best athletes, White people are all college educated. Everyone who lives in the country is a redneck. Could these labels be true some of the time? Sure. But to assume any of these are always true, that is a racist idea. It is wrong to attribute one characteristic to an entire race, ethnicity, or geographic location. And that is precisely what I learned this season. Yes, all my guests were Black Americans. Yes, all my guests are infinitely more affected by racism th...
