Gramercy

Tiara's website describes her as a sought-after thought partner, and I can totally see why. I really enjoyed our deep talk over ideas of social justice and police accountability. I especially appreciate how she differentiates between social justice vs social injustice! Social Injustice is not limited to a black/white issue...injustices happen everywhere.

I can learn alot from Tiara's approach to growth. I was impressed how she took what could be viewed as something negative, or maybe even discriminatory, and decided to make changes on her own to give her the experience she was told she was lacking. How many of us would choose to do this? She chose initiative, hard work, and growing her skill set instead of victimhood or projecting hurt or anger onto others. She made something positive, her PR Network and Speak That Movement, that works towards the empowerment and good of others all because she desired to gain more experience. 

Tiara is not an all or nothing person. She can see nuance and ambiguity. She knows the subject of police brutality is a complicated one. She does a fantastic job, in my opinion, of breaking down the issue into smaller chunks and not making broad sweeping generalizations. Her skill in speaking so poignantly to this issue obviously comes from her years of experience in public relations communication. I am totally taking notes from Tiara in this area and will be following her lead next time someone wants to broach the subject of policing with me. No one is left on the defensive when you come at it from this angle and I think that's what I appreciate about it.

I am always in need of the reminder to continually show grace to others. Tiara's closing tip was exactly what I needed to hear. The English philosopher, Francis Bacon is credited with saying, " If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world." May we all choose to be conscientious citizens of the world, as Tiara has.

Tiara's Website

Tiara on Instagram

Corey's passion for tap is contagious. I love how excited he gets when he talks about it! I love the freedom of expression and form that tap dance allows. But mostly I appreciate how personal this is to Corey, how he knows he's part of a culture of the history of tap and he's doing his part to pass the mantle and history down to the younger generation.

I like how Corey views the world and sees opportunities. For example, how he used his time traveling with Riverdance to learn more about world cultures and how each culture processes things differently. He watches, learns, and gains understanding in how to respond in different situations...when you need to stand up and defend yourself and speak out vs when you just lay low and move on. The beauty and wisdom of life experience.

Corey spoke to the all too common burden of having to read a situation immediately in order to know how to most appropriately respond. He doesn't want to ignite any racist fears that may be laying dormant under the surface of someone in his presence. I'm equally saddened and astonished by this skill. I'm sad he is put in this position in the first place, that he doesn't have the freedom to just be. But I'm super impressed with how easily he just lets things go in the name of peace. He would rather live to see another day. What incredible character!

We've come full circle with the backpack analogy being used again near the end of our season. I really like how Corey describes what it's like. He says he never asked for it, doesn't want to carry it, but has it none the less. So since this is the situation he finds himself in he adapts and decides he gets to determine how he's going to handle this unwanted burden and how in doing so, he can make his family name better.

I greatly appreciate Sarah's teachable heart and posture of humility in desiring to watch, listen, and learn about how to not only be a better mother, but how to best equip their daughter for life. I love their strong foundation and importance they put on communication and honesty. All of us could benefit from these conscious choices in parenting and relationships.

I had the most wonderful time visiting with Corey. I left our conversation feeling uplifted and hopeful. He has that dynamic personality that leaves it's mark on you...at least he left his mark on me.  I'm reminded of Maya Angelou's quote: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” May we all leave those we touch today and everyday feeling loved and better than they did before our encounter, as Corey has.

Corey's Performance at the Hartford Public Library

Corey's Performance in Riverdance

Corey's Instagram

Hearing Josh talk about how he's constantly thinking about it and actively working at not coming across as "shady" makes me sad. I hate that the onus is often on Black people to look non-threatening. This is not right and it saddens me that this is a daily reality for African Americans. They are fighting a centuries long battle of stereotypes and false information that are rampant among white Americans.

Speaking of that, I really, really appreciate Josh's confession that even he sometimes harbors questionable viewpoints against other Black people. Would that we all were so honest and forthcoming to deal with our own shadow selves. I couldn't agree more with his conclusion that we must unlearn hidden lessons we were taught or learned by osmosis about Black people (or any negative stereotypes/ideas about any race for that matter). Giving everyone the benefit of the doubt goes a long way!

One of the things I love about Josh are his convictions! He holds them strongly, but not in a self-righteous way. He is broken-hearted over police violence and the effect it has had disproportionately on Black communities, yet instead of becoming cynical about the Police, he takes the initiative to reach out to them, to learn and grow, and be in dialogue.

I also love how Josh challenges us on the phrase "Black-on-Black" crime. We must come to the realization that that phrase is a racist way of saying, "crime." I really appreciate the wisdom Josh lives by at such a young age. He has already come to the understanding that we all experience the world a different way based on our experiences, where we grow up, the traumas we've faced. He knows not to discredit anyone else's opinion because it doesn't match his narrative or his lived experience. Although he admittedly gets frustrated with the systemic problems our country has, he actively works at not vilifying the other and at working towards unity. Would that we were all this wise. May we all learn to better love our neighbor as ourselves as Josh has.

Favorite Quote: 

With great power comes great responsibility. - Uncle Ben from "Spiderman"

Josh's Podcast: The Mis-Education of John Mark

Who Is John Mark?

Josh on Instagram

Right out of the gates JaQuintin exposes his heart in how he expresses his desire for unity. When he's explaining injustices against Black or Indigenous people, it's for the sole purpose of educating, overcoming, and healing in order to create a better future for our children. Doing the hard work now will yield positive results for future generations.

JaQuinitn's insight into how there are people from every race thriving and oppressed really challenged me to stop and think and see this through his lens. It was a powerful declaration that he has given much consideration to. According to JaQuintin, the difference between the oppressed and the thriving is always self interest and the willingness to exploit others. His controversial opinion is that America is not driven by white supremacy, but by greed. Take some time and sit with that. Suspend judgement and look at it from all angles. This is why it's important to hear different viewpoints...not to get immediately offended by them, but to add them to what you know or are learning and consider this new aspect and how it fits in with what you already know.

I can't believe that this was the first time I asked the question: "Why do you think it's so hard for people to talk about racism?" I'm inspired by JaQuintin's honest insight regarding the depths of pain, trauma, guilt, and fear that are embedded so deep into our collective American psyche. There are no easy answers or easy ways to walk through this. Reconciliation is usually a painful process, but it's a necessary pain that will eventually yield healing. His explanation of the invisible wall of racism acting as a barrier to unity is a fantastic analogy that describes the reality of racism in this country. This is a dialogue that is beneficial to us all because we all have a stake in this.

Which of us has ever achieved anything hard alone? We normally go through the difficulties (or mountains) of life with the help, encouragement, or shoulder to lean on of someone close to us. Thus, I completely resonated when JaQuintin acknowledged that very fact so eloquently when he said, "We all have a mountain to climb and the only way we can get there is if we lend a hand to each other." That is such a beautiful, true sentiment. It is in acknowledging that none of us are where we want to be but that we're going in the right direction whenever we're helping others.

I had a major "aha" moment when JaQuintin said, "Racism uses fear and guilt." It's an obvious truth I haven't been able to concretely and concisely express before. But there is now, out in the open, as plain as day. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Watch and listen, you will see these tactics everywhere. This is a simple way to become more aware as well as a simple conversation to have with others. Question the fear, question where their guilt comes from, question the origin of where people are finding their "facts." Oftentimes, we prefer to stay where we're comfortable instead of rock the boat and question our ill informed family and friends about where they got their information from. This is one way to be an ally.

I genuinely admire JaQuintin's heart for unity and his understanding that it is humility that will get us there. He is a walking reminder of Mother Teresa's quote: Only humility will lead us to unity, and unity will lead to peace. May we all have the humility to see that we've not arrived yet and the teachableness to press onward in our quest for unity, as JaQuintin has. 

Quote:

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. - Nelson Mandela

JaQuintin's book: Willie

JaQuintin's Website

JaQuintin on Instagram

Willie Lynch Letter

Chalmer speaks to racism's cousin...classism. I appreciate his description of racism not being as direct when you grow up in an area that is economically depressed and you live among the marginalized. It's just not something you see. But classism is extremely pervasive as well as a slowly boiling frustration hidden just below the surface. Passive enough not to be talked about very often but noticed by all.

It fascinated me how Chalmer explained his education on racism (or lack thereof) in his childhood home. It seemed that his parents were happy to let movies and tv shows explain the experience of racism in the lives of African Americans (without calling it by name). He saw numerous positive images on tv of Black representation during the late 80s/90s.  But he also witnessed how certain movies fueled his dad with anger from the images on screen that reminded him of things he endured growing up and still couldn't verbalize.  So he learned by watching (as most children do) positive as well as negative representations on screen along his dad's responses to these images. That type of learning leaves an indelible impression on a child. 

I just loved how sensitive Chalmer is to his kids and understanding of their personalities to  what and how much they can bear when. It was touching to hear of his son's deep care for mankind that he was moved to tears by the story of MLK, Jr. I was also intrigued by his admission that he and his wife had such ambivalent attitudes about Dr. King when they were younger. It just goes to show how we're all wired so differently and what effects one of us deeply might have no impact on another. There are a multitude of ways to learn the same lesson.

His explanation about Code Switching actually shocked me. I had never realized the depths and lengths that African Americans have to go through in order to be accepted by something as simple and seemingly unimportant and inconsequential as speech. Codeswitching is a survival skill. This was news to me and helped broaden my compassion to another area I was uneducated about. I had no idea that the need to code switch was a form of racism. I had no idea it was encouraging a loss of cultural identity. This was a sad eye opener for me.

I was struck speechless when Chalmer said, "It's not so much being sensitive and being aware, that's just the foundation but really opening up the door of privilege, access, and resources." Man! I needed that admonition. I see it as a call to action. We can best help by opening up the doors for the marginalized that have been open up for us since the beginning.

I'm a huge fan of visual imagery and Chalmer's analogy of broken vs clear glasses to help in describing racism was exactly what I needed to  link concepts together. White people see racism through the lens of a broken pair of glasses, we lack clarity because we lack experience. Whereas, African Americans have the benefit of clarity through their clear lenses and 400+ years of oppressive experiences to draw from. It only makes sense to let those with clear vision lead the way. If you also want to co-exist with those around you who are different for one reason or another and want to live a life of inclusivity, may you consider seeing yourself as one part of many in the great salad-bowl of life, as Chalmer has. 

Quote: "When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen." -personal friend

Chalmer's Podcast

Kevin actively works at helping others identify where they have prejudices and how they can work to grow and include the "other." It's beautiful, necessary, hard work. Kevin has all the best words. I'm envious of his ability to string such genius sentences together. He definitely has the gift of communication. The thing I love so much about Kevin is genuineness. Everything he does comes out of a desire for a deeper connection between differing cultures. For example, in both his book and his podcast he opens with ground rules for conversation which he's learned throughout his years as a facilitator. These are genius and can aptly be applied to our everyday lives. Here they are: 

1. no personal disclaimers (I don't mean to offend you, I don't mean to say it)

2. no industry speak (a short cut)

3. listen with the intent to understand (listen more than respond)

4. be comfortable being wrong (being human means we make mistakes and how we grow)

5. don't intentionally harm others (not here to insult)

6. just "I" statements (leaves the space for perspectives other than your own and opportunity for growth)

7. understand your facts could be wrong (we put our personal bias on them) 

8. make purposeful mistakes (practice is controlled failure - your failure is for your growth)

9.end it with an action (we have to do something with this new information -  "You can be part of the answer." he always says).

In his book, Kevin refers to himself as a "realistic idealist." I think that's a perfect description of him. I also resonate with that. I just appreciate his desire to always be growing and evolving in his understanding. I also respect how he is proactive in his realistic idealism about unified understanding and action leading to growth.

This whole culture vs race thing is a huge revelation to me. I want to just sit and ponder this for a long time. Race is superficial, a surface understanding. Culture requires you to dive in for a deeper understanding that might reference things such as customs, art, or institutions of a certain grouping of people. Understanding culture can get messy, take a long time, and requires lots of self reflection. Focusing on race is the quick and easy way out. I'm so glad Kevin discussed these distinctions and encouraged us to focus more on opening our minds to learning about culture. And remember, it's a process and we won't get good at it overnight and we'll still mess up. But if we are intentional and aware, we'll grow from our mistakes as well. 

Robert Sapolsky, a professor of neurosurgery at Stanford University says, "An open mind is a prerequisite to an open heart." Kevin takes this to heart the way he lives his life with purpose, helps facilitate diversity growth, and stays open to new experiences and perspectives inspires me to do the same. May we all choose to open the windows of our mind, as Kevin has.

Kevin's Podcast

Kevin's Website

Kevin's Instagram

I really like how Dr. Meredith spoke to our motives, especially when it comes to being an ally. We must questions ourselves as to why we want to be this….so that we look good, are seen, for our own ego. We can't say we're an ally and only do it when it's convenient. I'm speaking to myself here too. I often feel like giving up, thinking my effort isn't enough. But it's not about me. It's about us and what is best for the common good. If my voice, actions, money, or other contributions help better someone else's life and ease the burden they are carrying even for the smallest bit of time, then it's worth it. Helen Keller is credited with saying, "Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much." I think that is appropo for this cause.

We've heard other guests refer to the Ripple effect before. And each time I hear it, it sinks in deeper and deeper. I needed the reminder, yet again, that people's responses have nothing to do with me and say more about them and what they're going through. I can choose to either take things personally or hold space for what people may be struggling with right now. This was a timely and necessary reminder for me this week.

Lastly, Dr. Meredith's encouragement about being open to learning really excited me. I've met so many people afraid to question, afraid to go beyond their comfort zones, heck, for years, I was one of those people. Her insight that some people don't want to know because they're afraid of what they'll learn or that listening to another point of view might put a crack in the foundation of what they believe was spot on. What apt advice she gave...use the crack in your foundation to let the light in. Fear keeps us bound up and locked in to only what we know or are familiar with. Learning and expanding our views sets us and those around us free to become the best version of ourselves.

Dr. Meredith is offering a discount for her therapy services to anyone who mentions that they heard her on the Gramercy Podcast. Please check out the show notes for more information and a link to her website. Thank you Dr. Meredith for the reminder that we don't have to live attached to fear and the story we tell ourselves. We can choose to grow, unlearn old habits, and heal from within. Thank you also for leading by example with your generous assumptions. May we all learn to be as generous with grace as Meredith has.

Quote:
Dr. Meredith - "Live a life you love, and love the life you live. Treat people the way you want to be treated."

Dr. Meredith's Website

Greg and I start off the conversation with some hot sports opinions! We connected over his love of sports. What a fun conversation this was! This is what an interview looks like when you just follow where the conversation leads. Greg brings a young, important, balanced perspective to our conversation. During his free time, he records and produces his very own podcast called: On The Spot where he discusses all things sports, entertainment and music.

I was really surprised and impressed with Greg's view on politics in sports. He completely and reasonably sees both sides. I appreciate and learned from his balanced perspective on this issue. He taught me to be non-dualistic even in this. And he brought that same mentality to his insight on how black and white athletes are stereotyped. I'm so glad he brought that up. I know I have been guilty of thinking one athlete is just naturally talented while thinking another must have to work extra hard. This is an area I need to learn to reframe my thinking because my thinking is wrong, racist, and over-generalized. Thank you, Greg, for bringing this to my attention.

Greg really educated me on colorism within the Black community. I've read a little bit about it over the years, but he fleshed it out for me where I could see and feel it's nasty effects through his eyes. I have some article links in the show notes if you're interested in continuing to learn more about the history of colorism in the U.S. Black people are not 

immune from acting like a racist, hurting others because of their faulty assumptions regarding colorism, or showing descrimination towards others. We are all in the process of learning and growing and we all have the tendency to try to preserve our own self interests over the benefit of others despite our ethnicity, religion, race, socio-economic  standing, or our sexual preferences..

Greg mentioned how one of the coaches he admired the most, Coach Thompson from Georgetown, expressed the opinion that black coaches and individuals in the sporting industry are never really given the opportunity to fail. What an impossibly high standard to live up to as a Black athlete or coach.  But as another legendary coach, Louisville’s Rick Pitino  recognizes, "Failure is good. It's fertilizer. Everything I've learned about coaching, I've learned from making mistakes." What a sad double standard we've set in sports and life if one group of people are allowed to learn from their mistakes and another are punished, banished, or damned because of them. This is an example of how our systemic racism problem has seeped into every area of society and wraps it's ugly claws around the most basic ideas we hold as "normal." May we all have the wisdom to critique and extol both sides of a perspective and learn from our failures….as Greg has. 

Greg's quote:

If you don't start now, one year from now, you'll regret it. - Anonymous

Articles:
The Roots of Colorism
Why black people discriminate among ourselves: the toxic legacy of colorism

Social Media:
Where you can find Greg online

Harold has more than a decade of teaching and counseling experience, enabling him to reach others with truth, transparency, and strength. In addition to over a decade of service to the United States Army, Harold has launched several successful businesses, and now focuses all his humor, experience, and enthusiasm on being of deep service as an Entrepreneur and Creative Director with the goal of inspiring people to

develop lives that display purpose, freedom, and legacy!

In today's episode we tackle such topics as the school to prison pipeline, government assistance, systemic poverty, and playing the race card. From being homeless, to living in government projects, to finding himself in college and the military, to ultimately becoming a successful entrepreneur...this is a story you won't soon forget.

I have great admiration for Harold's genuineness and teachableness, how he wants to learn from those who've come before him, how to be an agent of change for his own generation. I love and appreciate his activist heart. The idea that activism boils down to being authentic is so true...those are the people who inspire because their passion comes from the depths of who they are, the experiences they've lived, and the empowerment they desire to bestow on the powerless. 

Harold's insight into his friend's racist comment shows such maturity. He saw the root cause and didn't focus on the offense to himself. He knew racism was taught and that his friend was just repeating what he'd been told his whole life. What a productive way of combating racism - by educating people in the truth, dispelling falsehoods head-on, and having a conversation with the offender. The most encouraging part to me is that an initial negative comment and interaction yielded a lasting friendship because Harold took the time to have a hard conversation with someone different from him. And it ended up changing both lives for the good.

How gracious of Harold to be so understanding towards people ignorant of their racist words. Understanding that people are products of their environment helps in our healing process as it did in Harold's case. He chooses to engage in dialogue and to educate so that relationship can prevail. Now the ball is in the offender's court and they get to choose how to respond - transform and learn from their error, or leave in a huff of humiliation and anger due to their pride getting hurt. His response of: "Just let me know that you get it and not only that you get it but you're doing what you can to understand what you don't get." is genius! We can't be afraid of conversation. This is where the work starts! Harold, I get it and thanks to you and so many others who have vulnerably shared their stories, I'm learning.

I'm astounded by how deftly Harold is able to articulate the problem of systemic poverty (which is a by-product of systemic racism) from his lived experience. Let's review this again: If the government replaces the father figure in that home, then the government dictates how that home is run because that's typically the father's role. What profound insight! He's lived this, he knows that one of a father's roles is to foster and nurture their children's identity. and to affirm his wife. How incredibly sad when the government becomes the one who gives you your identity, provides you a false sense of self and security, thus, ending up stifling people's mental growth, relational growth, and the community growth. I can see why  Harold was drawn to counseling others and encouraging them to think about the legacy they are leaving.

I'm so glad Harold spoke to the oft misunderstood mindset of white people, that one black person is representative of the entire group. We don't have that expectation of white people, nor should we of any grouping of people. He articulated so perfectly how his black experience is different from another black person's experience and we need to be respectful of each individual and their preferences. This is a timeless courtesy that should be extended to all people despite gender, age, sexuality, religion, ethnicity. 

I appreciate how Harold has taken the  negative expression of "playing the race card" and turned it on its head and is using it as a tool of awareness instead.  He intentionally plays the race card to help make his counterparts more aware of their racial bias.

What a beautiful way to describe oneself as a connector and unifier. 

What a gift to the world Harold is. He delights in educating people, bringing people together, and encouraging others despite where they are. May we all learn to be as accepting, authentic, and as gracious, as Harold has.

Harold's Quotes: 

Frederick Douglass - "It is easier to build strong children than to build broken men."

Frederick Douglass - "Some know the value of education by having it. I know the value by not having it."

KB - "To me, resistance carries with it a certain posture. The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."

School to Prison Pipeline Article

Harold's website: SI Web Solutions - Pinpoint Local 

Janice's accomplishments astound me. She received her undergraduate degree from Johns Hopkins University, her MPH (which stands for Masters of Public Health, I had to look that one up) from the University of Pennsylvania, and her almost M.D from Ohio State University Medical School. She is excited to start her residency this June as a full fledged medical doctor. And, as if that wasn't impressive enough, she is also a 2nd Lieutenant  in the U.S. Air Force (soon to be promoted to Captain in May). I met this intelligent, graceful, articulate woman completely by chance. I found her on Twitter and was blown away by a story she tweeted. So I dm'd her and she graciously agreed to visit with me. Get ready to have your socks blown off.

What emotional fortitude Janice has to see that the way this woman in the ER treated her was more a reflection of that woman and the problems she's dealing with in life than it did about her. Although it stung, she refused to be the victim. By sharing that story Janice was able to release the burden of carrying one more insult by herself and let those around her feed her soul with encouragement, validation, and support.

Another incredible quote by Janice that I personally think should be made into t-shirts, posters, and heralded from the mountain tops is the idea that, "We're not criticizing you, we're criticizing the situation and the system and you can be an active agent to fixing it." That, my friends, is speaking truth to power. 

I'm incredibly grateful Janice spelled it out for us, "This is what I want white allies to do: How can I bring this voice or this story to my community in a way that's not threatening. That's how you get the access and make the change that we want." Here's one practical step you can take if you truly want to work toward racial equality.

Her insight about when you experience people talking down to  you, microaggressions, or outright blatant racism, it makes you relive everything else you're carrying. That trauma, that wound, never has time to heal because that scar keeps getting cut open again and again. Those of us who don't experience this have no right to say how those who do should deal with it. I'm so thankful that Janice has found a cathartic way to heal, by speaking up and out about how racism is affecting her. The longer we hold on to negative emotions and experiences, the more resentment it builds. But Janice is the opposite of bitter, she exudes peace, forgiveness, and compassion. The idea that we can't change something unless we speak about it is a powerful, healing truth. 

All I know is that when I grow up, I want to be like Janice. She emanates  love, patience, benefit of the doubt, inclusion, and genuine compassion for others. From her time with Poverty and Inequality Research Lab Janice did the beautifully hard job of listening to story after story of how people were brutalized and betrayed by the police during the Baltimore Riots. She witnessed the broken system in a broken community and it broke her heart, yet also educated her.  And yet, the message that stuck with her after hearing all these sorrowful narratives was: "Just because someone has hurt me, doesn't mean I want to hurt other people." She repeated this idea 3 times during our conversation which tells me this is a lived ideal  she centers her life around. And it was proven true in her response to the vileness shown to her by a patient she was trying to help. May we all remember who we are, just as Janice has.

Janice's Quote:
"Success is not final and failure is not fatal." - Anonymous (falsely attributed to Winston Churchill, but Quote Investigator could not find a reliable source).

Janice can be found on Twitter and Instagram: @JaniceBonsu