Hello, Maybe How Are You?

Hope you got your date to the Som Prom, cuz it's time to brine your brain!

Join Bobby, Dan, and the entire cast of the Family Fugue as they pitter and also patter on postcard definitions, jokes on transcendentalism, and Dan having 0 ability to remember a single celebrity's name! Later, the lads rate and review a card that gives us hope, but not for any reason that helps us sleep at night.

It's a White House Full of Laughs! 

All the Gogurt points in the world couldn't stop us from delivering an episode chock-a-block with recaps of greeting guts and glory!

Join Bobby, Dan, and Fred Algae as they burn the mid-evening oil on aqua zoos, Schrödinger's Squid, and whether or not George Westinghouse was British (he was not, Dan would learn upon writing this paragraph!).

Later, the lads rate and review 12 cards that run the gamut of being acceptable to distribute at The Hague, to ones that deserve to be prosecuted at that very same Hague! Be sure to finish your cards before you head over to laser tag!

Hope you've all recovered from your phat baby love hangovers, cuz Greetings is hellbent on providing one more clinically-approved dose of "Everybody Loves Raymond"-style amore!

Join Bobby, Dan, and Mr. Hyunh in all his country glory as they spin a yarn on Midsommar invitations, planning stuff way too far in advance, and the hierarchy of obligation chocolate. Later, they rate and review a card that may legally be grounds for divorce if you read the whole thing. So maybe avoid the IG page for awhile, if you're in love or something close. 

Sometimes love is just the place where you are, because it's convenient! like this episode you dang done downloaded!

Join Bobby, Dan, and the 4 Beatles of the Apocalypse as they fill the ancient scrolls with tales of the seasonal Fat (or Phat) Love Baby, Russell Stover Choco-Hearts, and the totally-still relevant One-Chip Challenge! Later, these fools rate and review a card that at best paints love as a "benign mistake", and at best lets us shamelessly name-drop some cool authors and artists you should check out!

Also, lotta Roman Emperor talk in this one, just in time for the holidays! Res Secundae!

The best fact-adjacent podcast that you'll half-listen to on the train, or car, or cool futuristic train-car!

Join Bobby, Dan, and their children's book-author friend Christine Chance-Boon as they chew the fat on consuming eggshells, the natural life cycle of irony, and the most romantic song in "The Mask". Later, the gents rate and review a card that doesn't need an infusion of frog DNA to do the work of the anti-valentine Saint Enitnelav! Enjoy, before all the dinos are taken from us by the liberal media! #weread

Almost as fun as slumber party gravy Limbo! 

Join Bobby, Dan, and an unnecessary manifestation of Lil' Abner references as they go through the z-list January holidays found on nationaltoday.com. If you've haven't celebrated Menudo Day (not the band), you probably are aware of what you're missing! After that mess, the boys rate and review a card that brings up WAY too many memories of Valentine's Day that have long past. Hope you're feeling angsty, cuz the Notary Public Straw Effigy isn't gonna burn itself!

If only J. Harvey Kellogg was alive to see what Hell we've wrought!

Join Bobby, Dan, and their autographed copy of "Miami, Plain and Tall", as they scream to the heavens on giving up on things, demonic after-school snacks, and the current state of Bobby's inhumane podcast factory! Later, they rate and review a card that is perfect for anyone who is in 6th-8th grade! Otherwise, stick around, because are we really that much worse than your other options?

Remember, you can't shake hands with a clenched caligra-fist!

More fun than getting struck by lightning a bunch!

Join Bobby, Dan, and bodega cat Hennessy Bathtub (The undisputed Bad Boyz of greeting cards) as they ruminate on convenient store guilty pleasures, lottery limitations, and how Bobby knows way more about the Hellraiser franchise than most bears! Later, they rate and review a card, though they spend way more time talking about how they would construct the perfect taco! Is that your idea of entertainment while you commute? We'll let you decide! (please say yes)

Time to emerge from the holiday chrysalis and be born anew! 

Join Bobby, Dan, and Scared Nogless guest speaker Derek Gargle as they chew the metaphorical fat on old new year grudges, the post-Jan.1 Dead Zone, and why a certain seasonal dairy drink isn't available in snak paks. Later, and most bombastically, they rate and review what must be the rock bottom of greeting card humor, so rest assured, 2023 can only go up from here right? Right?!

Hop in the 2001 golden Honda Odyssey and look south to Florida, cuz Greetings is greeting the new year with everyone's favorite quality: willful ignorance!

Join Bobby, Dan, and their corn-silk effigy of St. Uncle as they widdle and waddle on their greeting card hopes for 2023, and how cards, like maize, have an ancient, mysterious past (most likely).

Later on, they rate and review a card, and I swear to St. Uncle, if the phrase "Sexy Cat Apron" being said over over doesn't entice you freeloading ding-dongs to start liking and subscribing, then we might as well just call it here. Nice knowing you!

Check out friend of the Pod Jeff Jakobs and his new album "The Milk Barn Sessions" now! Literally! We mean it this time!