Grey and Grounded

We work hard, we sacrifice we deserve some time off, a vacation, a little couch and TV time. But I also think that when we take that vacation, or take that day to breathe and step back we need to still be working on ourselves. Take a book with you, work on your mental health, learn some breathing exercises, a time out is always a good idea and needed. But as Seneca says, “leisure without study is death- a tomb for the living person.” 

Marcus aurelius said “it isn’t manly to be enraged”. Yeah, easier said then done. He says “ rather gentleness and civility are more humane, and therefore manlier”. A real man doesn’t give way to rage and discontent. He is squared in his actions, tempered in his temperament and focused with his thoughts. He goes on to say “the nearer a man come to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength”.

Seneca says, “show me someone who isn’t a slave! One is a slave to lust, another to greed, another to power , and all are slaves to fear. He goes on to say “No servitude is more abject than the self-imposed”. 

What it is in our daily lives that we think we can’t live without? What is it that we just have to. Have? What be calling us?

I know for me most morning is that first piping hot cup of coffee, and some quite time of reading or writing it’s purely psycho-somatic, but I still feel somewhat off sometimes when I don’t have one, and sometimes I don’t read or write but just sit and watch TV because I am put off by no coffee.  What else is it that we are addicted to? Our routines, are phone, our cars, wealth, power, what else keeps us in chains? 

Epictetus says “anyone who truly wants to be free, won’t desire something that is actually in someone else’s control, unless they want to be a slave”. All these things that we feel that we need or can’t do without can be taken away from us in an instant, we can lose the car, lose our wealth, and run out of coffee…God forbid!  What then our you left with? Are you your desires, or are you more than that? 

Routines are good we are all sometimes creatures of habit, but we shouldn’t get dependent on that, the one thing that is constant is change. And we should embrace that in parts of our lives. Would it be so bad to have to downsize our SUV if it means we can get save more money? Would it be so bad to take a slight pay cut in the field of your passion if it meant moving to a great city, and the opportunity to meet new people? Do you always need the latest, biggest and newest thing? What are you living for, that object or your objective?

What it is in our daily lives that we think we can’t live without? What is it that we just have to. Have? What be calling us?

I know for me most morning is that first piping hot cup of coffee, and some quite time of reading or writing it’s purely psycho-somatic, but I still feel somewhat off sometimes when I don’t have one, and sometimes I don’t read or write but just sit and watch TV because I am put off by no coffee.  What else is it that we are addicted to? Our routines, are phone, our cars, wealth, power, what else keeps us in chains? 

Epictetus says “anyone who truly wants to be free, won’t desire something that is actually in someone else’s control, unless they want to be a slave”. All these things that we feel that we need or can’t do without can be taken away from us in an instant, we can lose the car, lose our wealth, and run out of coffee…God forbid!  What then our you left with? Are you your desires, or are you more than that? 

Routines are good we are all sometimes creatures of habit, but we shouldn’t get dependent on that, the one thing that is constant is change. And we should embrace that in parts of our lives. Would it be so bad to have to downsize our SUV if it means we can get save more money? Would it be so bad to take a slight pay cut in the field of your passion if it meant moving to a great city, and the opportunity to meet new people? Do you always need the latest, biggest and newest thing? What are you living for, that object or your objective?

So, you may have seen my Daily Thoughts on Instagram, now I am bringing you my stoic journey. The 2000 year old philosophy that teaches us to focus on the things we can control—our thoughts, emotions, and actions—while accepting the things we cannot, such as the actions of others or the natural course of events going on in the world around us. My Stoic Journey are my interpretations on various stoic sayings from Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and other philosophers. There is a great book by Ryan Holiday- The Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and The Art of Living. It’s wonderful daily journal of stoic meditations that helps you understand how to use the 2000 year old philosophical teachings in your everyday modern life. Holiday has made it easy to understand and really brings a 21st century understanding to a ancient philosophy. So I walk with me on my daily stoic journey. 

Aristotle is credited with the quote: I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self.

Today we ask the question and discuss how we measure sucess.

We all go through hard times, we all have moments of doubt, anger, and sometimes hopelessness. But how do we go on? How do we persevere through those hard times?

Ryan Holiday of the Daily Stoic always tell the story of Admiral James Stockdale who was held captive in Hanoi, North Vietnam. He was sent to a war camp that was famous for its brutal treatment of prisoners. 

What got him through more than 7 years of imprisonment? 

Stoicism. 

Stoicism not only helped Stockdale get through his imprisonment, but it helped him refrain from betraying himself and his country. He was able to internally uphold his moral code. He accepted the fact that he could not control his external circumstances. Instead, he mastered his internal dialogue and feelings. 

Now, we are not prisoners of war or being held hostage, but I know, from personal experience that it can feel that way sometimes. Being a prisoner of your own mind, of your seemed to be no way out situation that you find yourself in at the time.

Today we will discuss what my friends the Stoics say about Perseverance and some of the things I have done to adapt and overcome.

“We suffer not from the events in our lives, but from our judgment about them.” — Epictetus 

The Stoics teach us Memento mori (remember you must die) we are mortal and this is what we must do but they also teach us  memento vivere (remember we must live) remember to live your life, enjoy every moment, cherish your time here for it is destined to end. That is the nature of things, that is the will of the grand architect of life.

Welcome to Grey and Grounded, where we talk to men 50 and over..about being 50 and over. We talk family, friends, faith, money and more all in about 20 minutes. In our first episode we get jump right in and discuss how it is to be 50, our mentality, our changes, what is happening to our bodies and mind, and the things that help me cope with the constant change. Join me as we jump (carefully) into grown folk talk.