What are some ways we can deal with grief? Why do we feel so many contradicting feelings after a loss? How can we learn to accept what is happening around us?

In this podcast episode, Veronica speaks to Marsha Mathews about grief, loss, COVID-19, and how to find acceptance in the unacceptable.

Meet Marsha Matthews

Marsha Mathews is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and has worked in the field of psychotherapy for 28 years. She is the manager/director of the Loma Linda University Behavioral Medicine Center in Murrieta California and also has her private practice in Murrieta.

She specializes in working with adults, couples, adolescents, and has expertise in the field of addictions, self-injurious behavior, couples, family work, and grief.

Visit Marsha’s private practice,  Loma Linda University Behavioral Medicine Center or connect with her at [email protected]

In This Podcast SUMMARY

• Origin of Marsha’s Expertise
• Grief, Loss of Relationships and the COVID-19 Pandemic
• Refraining from Losing Ourselves While Dealing With a Global Pandemic
• Radical Acceptance
• Living the Life You Want to Live
• Advice for The Stressed & Disconnected

ORIGIN OF MARSHA’S EXPERTISE

Marsha has an extensive amount of personal experience when it comes to grief & loss. After the deaths of many loved ones and the difficult endings of relationships, Marsha has learned that on the one hand there is great sadness but on the other hand, there is an embracing and appreciation of life.

GRIEF, LOSS OF RELATIONSHIPS AND THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC

We’re experiencing loss at a heightened level and we all know somebody who either currently has it or may have recently died from it.

Grief is very misunderstood and often neglected, especially in US culture. We experience a loss and are often unprepared for how to deal with it. There are so many conflicting feelings e.g. After the break-up of a relationship, you might feel some relief but at the same time, very sad, walking through the stages of grief at the same time. Grief can come from the loss of many different things: death, relationships ending, loss of a job, loss of income, and, especially during this time, loss of the world as we know it. This coupled with the uncertainty of the future and not having the ability to control the outcome, really adds to a feeling of loss.

REFRAINING FROM LOSING OURSELVES WHILE DEALING WITH A GLOBAL PANDEMIC

It is normal to wallow through the stages of grief:

• Shock & Disbelief
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression/Deep Sadness
• Acceptance

We do get lost, part of our reality is gone for a while, but it’s important to not try to avoid the pain. Globally, everyone is experiencing a loss of trust in the world and a healing process is absolutely necessary. In today’s world, there are so many contradicting feelings and it’s important to try to look at the glass as half full to get through it.

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

Allow yourself to feel the emotions. You need to find something acceptable in the unacceptable.  It is unacceptable that these things are happening, that people are dying at such a high rate, that people are getting sick. It’s unacceptable that we have to stay at home, that we’re losing jobs and losing income. Things are happening globally that are really frightening and unpredictable. At the same time, we need to eventually find that place of radical acceptance. We don’t like it, we don’t get it, we wish it wasn’t happening and we absolutely have no control in this situation. We have to reach a place of “This is the way it is, this is my new reality, I’m going to move on with my life as it is.”

LIVING THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE

I need to find the time where I can just be, rather than be doing.

Marsha is embracing current relationships and appreciating every moment.

ADVICE FOR THE STRESSED & DISCONNECTED

Take time! Look at the beauty around you and take time for yourself. If we take the time to slow ourselves down long enough, we’re going to be able to see this, rather than seeing the negativity of all of the situations that surround us. We need to appreciate everything that we have.

USEFUL LINKS:

• Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary: What’s Really Holding You Back? With Tiffany Carter | E007
• Join Our Girl Gang
• Empowered And Unapologetic Free Course