Grieve That Sh!t

How long will it take for you to heal?

Do you have days when you feel so overwhelmed while grieving? 

Some days is it impossible to get through the simple stuff?.

By all means do not attach a timeline to your healing.

Do not allow anyone to attach a timeline to your healing.

There is no timeline for how long grief lasts, or how you should feel after a particular time. After 1 year it may still feel as if everything happened yesterday, or it may feel like it all happened a lifetime ago. 

Grievers will say...

All I want to do is go to sleep. But life is still going on around me. I yell at everyone in my household. I have no patience. "You need what?" "By when?"  I remember thinking this about my family...Don't they know that I am grieving.  I don't care about that paperwork.  I don't care if you need help with your project.  I AM GRIEVING!

The process is going to take what it takes.   This grief will be with you for a while.  Trust us just because someone says it should be gone does not make that true for you.   • You are human.  Let yourself feel the pain.  All of it.  Even the ugly parts.  That means yes you may need to excuse yourself and go to a quiet place for a good cry.

• The truth is most likely if you are anything like us this does not feel natural.  We would go days without processing the pain and we know that things would start to build up. • You are not the only one that has ever felt this way.  I promise you that you will not be the last.  But more importantly showing everyone around you that grieving will help them with their grief also.  Imagine that! • Remember we never told you that this would be easy.  If not one of the most painful things you will do.  It will surely make the top five. • The one thing that you can tell yourself is that you can do this. I am going to feel these feelings.   Things we know about grief: • Grief is normal.  Grieving is natural. (even though it does not feel that way all of the time).  We have never been taught how to do it. • Grief is emotional.

• You are allowed to process this pain.  

• You have to tell everyone around you what you want • You also have to tell them what you don't want.

When someone in your family dies your life is changed forever.  It is hard for us to understand how to move forward.  
But when a loved one dies from “Covid” you now become a member of two exclusive clubs, The Grievers Club and The Covid Club.
We will all experience the death of our parents at some point in our life’s journey.  For the griever watching our families slowly leave us is torturous. 
This podcast is about the recovery of a broken heart after the loss of both parents.
Whatever your thought is on COVID our goal for this episode is to introduce you to a beautiful young lady and have you experience The Goodbye and Healing from her broken heart.
What you will learn from this Episode:

• Leaning into your faith will not hurt you during your healing.
  • Sometimes, the healing changes are so gradual, and you hardly notice them.  
  • Grief is the natural process that the heart goes though when we experience a loss.

There is no better time than now to take that crucial next step toward loving your life again. You deserve all the happiness and fulfillment in this world, so why not find it with a support system by your side?

Click on the link below to join our Facebook group “Grief Healing – The Group For Women Who Grieve”:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover

When our losses first occurred, we had family and friends descend upon us like a sea of people.   Although I appreciated their concern their presence was very overwhelming, and I found myself sitting alone on my front porch in search of a quiet place where I could be left with my pain. After a loss occurs the pain is so unbearable it seems only natural that you would want to isolate yourself and be alone. At times, that can be comforting because it’s hard to be around people when you’re hurting, especially if you think they do not understand how bad you feel. But the comfort of isolating can easily become a routine and before you know it, you’re cut off from everyone around you.   Don’t let that happen to you.  Find ways to communicate what it is you’re needing form your inner circle. 

Grief is ugly.

Grief hurts.

Grief will bring out the worst in you.

Grief will bring out the worst in people around you.

We were not taught how to grieve properly.

Most of the people that have gone before you on this journey will still tell you that they never figured it out.

But they will give us the worst advice ever..."I Know How You Feel My...Just Died"

Please know that telling a griever that you know how they feel because you have just had your cat die is one of the most disrespectful things that we can say to a griever.

Just sit with them and listen.  The trust is you do not know how their heart feel.  You only know your own pain.  Now is not the time to share your pain.

Processing the pain from grief means allowing yourself to feel the pain, honestly communicating about how bad it feels and acting.  You must be an active participant in your grief and come to your own aide because there is no one out there who can save you.  You must be your own hero.

You cannot get over the pain that is a true misconception, you have to go through the pain to get to the other side, which is recovery.  As soon as I started to allow myself to feel the pain and the tears to come, I started healing.  I also had to tell my truth about how bad I was feeling and not hide from my real feelings.  

More importantly you must use your healing tools for the rest of your life.  Grief will never be one and done.

The Joy of the Season and Grief

When we lose someone we love, our hearts struggle on a daily basis to figure out how to navigate our world without them.

When the holidays roll around, our hearts are on overload because everywhere we turn, we are reminded that this is a time for family, for love, and for being together.

This holiday season will be particularly hard on all grievers because we now have to contend with our broken hearts as well. Your traditions and norms are already being challenged because of our loss, and now we are forced figure out how to spend the holiday.

In the first months after the death of someone important to you, you may struggle with enjoying yourself. Many grieving people are unable to laugh, sing, or celebrate in any way.

The truth is that it is hard enough to be missing them, and now we have to go to a party and pretend we are having fun or enjoying ourselves.

The amount of pain you are currently feeling and the fact that you are missing all the family events does not mean that you do not love them.

We know that your emotions are like a rollercoaster going up and down.

But here’s the deal—it is okay to have a laugh. It is okay to share a story about the one you lost. It is okay to cry when talking about them. All of these are good things and they do not make you a bad person.

It is even okay to go to a family party and enjoy everyone’s company. It your decision which events to attend and which ones not to because the truth is that wherever you go, you will be carrying your broken heart with you.

Do keep this in mind—if you are around people you love you will be able to, we trust, laugh, cry, and even share a jolly story with them.

We get this question all of the time.  How do I support my sister while she is grieving?  I do not know what to do...

Just show up for the grievier.  Show up as the person that you would want to be your support if you were the griever.  Show up as the amazing person that did show up for you when your loss occured.  

Supporting the griever is most likely one of the most important things you will do in your life.  I considered the support that I was giving Erica so powerful.  I called her every day.  I wanted to be the resource for her if she needed to talk.  Yet, I was making a big mistake.  I was not allowing my grief to release.  I was not allowing my pain to surface.  One of the things that Erica and I teach is processing the pain in your heart.  Unfortunately, I was so busy taking care of her I did not acknowledge it.

So many times, that I called her, she would cry or just tell the story of her brokenness.  She thought I was helping her, but the truth was I was judging my level of pain by how she was doing that day.  I needed to hear her voice just as she needed to hear mine.

In 2006, I lost Austin. The grief from his loss was beyond belief. I could not breathe and there were days when I didn’t get out of bed. I did not think that I would ever live again.

The Erica from that day is forever gone.  I am not sure who she was and now as I think about that day, I know that I am a stronger, funnier, and yes sometimes sadder version of her.

So many people kept telling me to just give it time. But this was not helpful for me. How much time? WOULD giving it time help? I remember hearing that one never gets over the death of one’s child. I was starting to believe that was true. I thought my life would be like this forever....

The truth is that the Erica from June 17, 2006, we will never see her again.  I not only had to do my grief work I also have done the much-needed work on the old Erica.   You hear Sharon and I say all the time that there are layers to grief.  Losing who you once were is a layer of loss my friend.  All layers of the grief pain and loss must be grieved for true healing.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover

The key to healing from emotional wounds is to be

able to release the pain from those wounds.

The number one way to do this is to call it by

its correct name.  Grief

1. When you’re hurt, your body responds by

producing hormones and neurotransmitters

which affect your emotions.  ~ Your heart hurts.

1. The tendency is to keep thinking about what

happened to you. This causes your brain to

produce more hormones and neurotransmitters,

resulting in greater anxiety and depression.

1. The emotions which resulted from what

happened also continue the cycle.

To stop this cycle, you’ll need to access your inner

power, release the past, and form your new future.

moving forward.

There isn't a person in the world who hasn't been

hurt by someone. Releasing the pain from these

wounds are difficult for many, if not most.

Grief Healing Facebook Group

Funerals are not the only way to remember someone after they pass away. There’s a lot of alternatives these days- from memorial services and other creative expressions, all the way down to no funeral at all! The truth is there really any set rule for what you should do when it comes time plan your send off in life; so many different options exist just waiting on one person's preferences or ideas about how best commemorate their legacy.

The death of a loved one is always an emotional time for the whole family. There are no rules when it comes to planning their funeral, so you can choose whatever option suits your needs best - whether they were traditional in nature before their passing

What kind of ceremony would be fitting?  Some families prefer elaborate services with lots of honor guards and flowers while others may only want quiet prayers offered up by friends at graveside; still other folks might have something radical like sky burial where someone throws dirt onto them self-shot video rather than having any sort formalities whatsoever!

Hey, if you’ve been feeling down lately and need someone to talk too - our Facebook Support Group for women is open! We can help.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover