GUARDIAN ANGEL

It’s Succession season, and we are guilty of stimulating HBO’s SEO on this episode (along with every other ageing youth publication lol). We do NOT mention THAT meme but we do spoil everything via a certified crash course in Shakespeare. The impending return of Dave, The Bear and The White Lotus births an impromptu writer's room for a Kitchen Confidential show and a Succession prequel, aptly titled The Ascent’ It’s not all fantasy! We keep it real with hottie watch and emoji analysis while Harry (The Intellectual) hides his Kindle inside a copy of Infinite Jest.

[ TOPICS ] 

(00:00:00) Succession Spoilers: First Episode Analysis, The Official Pod, Semafor, Bobby Hundreds Is Bullish On NFTs, The Ascent Starring Armie Hammer, The Guardian vs The New York Times

(00:14:43) Mia’s Crash Course In Shakespeare

(00:16:40) Back To Succession: Cousin Greg Killed By Dasha, The Disgusting Brothers, RIP Shiv And Tom, Logan’s Fake Friend, Quiet Luxury, Tom Or Mr. Darcy?, Connor’s Missing MAGA Hat, Roman Is Baby Logan

(00:33:25) TV Talk: The Return Of Dave, The Bear Is Mid, Kitchen Confidential Starring Jeremy Strong, The White Lotus Season 3 Heads To Thailand

(00:40:08) Emoji Talk: The Latest Drop, Very Necessary Emojis, Apple Elitists

(00:53:57) International Girl Band: Taylor Swift, Pink Pantheress, Ice Spice, Beabadoobee

(00:54:50) Zedd’s Dead

(00:57:44) Hottie Watch: Corrina Kopf in Australia, Lana Rhoades: The Girl Next Door, Sydney Sweeney In Sydney

(01:02:00) Austin Butler VS Jacob Elordi

(01:04:00) Emrata and Harry Styles Need To Get A Room

(01:08:00) Book Talk: Julia Fox Is Down The Drain, Harry's Hiding A Kindle Inside Infinite Jest

I’m in my bad boy era (again). Self-loathing has inverted into self-indulgence and I’m back on Instagram, dabbling in vapes and have attempted to quit sleep in favour of reading The Shards. I joined the Hydralyte hive after a dehydration scare, which had absolutely no influence on my rare merch cops from The Garden and Frost Children. Meanwhile, Harry has been busy on his own (mostly secondhand) shopping spree and is proudly sporting a fresh haircut which sparks an outburst about price transparency and the onset of QR code-related depression.

[ TOPICS ] 

(00:00:00) A Dank Sea Change

(00:00:57) I’m Back on Instagram Because LinkedIn Is Cursed

(00:03:28) The Millennial Urge To Do Less Online

(00:08:00) Just Because I’m Not Posting Doesn’t Mean I’m Not Tapped In

(00:10:03) Are Artists Just Marketing Managers Now?

(00:11:00) Bad Boy Era Reveal

(00:15:00) My Induction Into The Hydralyte Hive 

(00:19:47) The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Return (That Nobody Asked For)

(00:21:43) Mowalola’s Pokemon Puf Puf Trucker

(00:22:54) Rare Merch Cop: Frost Children, The Garden

(00:23:50) Harry’s (Mostly) Secondhand Haul: Moncler Puffer, Sealson Bag, Oakley Sunnies

(00:27:04) The Truth About Haircuts: Barbershops, Just Cuts, Experiential Salons

(00:29:44) Planned Obsolescence: Razors And The Beauty Industry

(00:33:00) Back To Haircuts: Online Bookings, Bleach Work, The Drive-By, Price Transparency

(00:40:17) Gatekeeping Your Menu Is Lame

(00:41:39) QR Codes Are Making Us Depressed

We’re dishing out unsolicited festival reviews once again, dusty off the back of Golden Plains and in anticipation of the upcoming return of Iceage, Dev Hynes and the debut tour of our Meemaw Ethel Cain. We sit through an episode of Australian Idol as a form of self-harm and stare into the void of hedonism as we unpack the state of capitalism and the internet while abstaining from downing bottles of Prime.

 [TOPICS ] 

(00:00:00) We Survived Golden Plains!

(00:01:44) The Final Inner Varnika 

(00:04:40) Golden Plains - Carly Rae Jepsen Review

(00:11:10) Golden Plains - Four Tet Review

(00:15:15) For The Love Festival - Charli XCX Review

(00:16:15) Rising Festival ft. Ethel Cain and Iceage

(00:20:00) Vivid Live ft. Dev Hynes (And That Time We Saw Blood Orange Play In LA)

(00:21:25) When TikTok Memes Come To Live

(00:22:54) Australian Idol Recap

(00:25:47) Rupert Murdoch And Succession

(00:28:16) PR For What? #FREEIGGY #FREEKALI

(00:29:58) Can You Be A TikToker And An Artist?

(00:32:32) Highway To The Danger Zone: Albo The Maverick

(00:35:08) The Greens Agenda

(00:38:01) Is It Work-Life Balance Or Just Unpaid Emotional Labour?

(00:39:52) Tim And Eric And The Power Of The Edit

(00:41:18) Thomas Streiker Is The New Jamie Oliver

(00:42:10) Ghost Kitchens And The HSP Investigation

(00:47:42) The Curious Case Of The Mr Beast Burger

(00:49:02) The Thirst For Prime Drinks

(00:51:00) Capitalism: Abundance VS Greed

(00:52:23) The Cult Of Graphic Design Starring Up Bank & Fish Wife

⊹✎ 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 2 𝖔𝖋 2 𝖎𝖓 𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝕰𝖚𝖗𝖔𝖕𝖊 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖑 𝖉𝖎𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘 ✎⊹ It’s too easy to curate the perfect holiday album online, but what starts as a fairytale can quickly become an episode of ‘The Amazing Race’. What really goes down in transit? Harry, Jae, and I sit down for our second group therapy session after *that* Euro summer trip together to shed some light on the reality of escapism.

[ TOPICS ]

(00:00:00) Mia Meets Her Berlin Demons

(00:06:33) Harry’s “Reddit Friend”

(00:15:53) From The Berlin Wall To The Berlin Mall

(00:17:57) Friends Fix Things (For Now)

(00:19:53) Crying At Voo Store After The Cobblestone Ordeal

(00:26:20) Don’t Call Him Daddy

(00:27:25) Paris And The Staircase To Oui Oui

(00:29:22) The Birth Of The Parisian Weeaboo

(00:31:47) The Eiffel Tower Is Okay, I guess

(00:33:25) Flop Game Immigration: From Paris To London

(00:37:57) The Von Trapp’s Play Wordle

(00:38:56) Redundant SIM Cards And The Everlasting Wi-Fi Scam

(00:40:00) That Bus To Manchester

(00:42:15) The Hens Night Epidemic

(00:43:40) Making Friends At Village Books

(00:45:05) Travel Lessons 101

(00:48:33) The Utopia Of London Fields

(00:51:40) Our Impending Return To The Philippines

⊹✎ 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 1 𝖔𝖋 2 𝖎𝖓 𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝕰𝖚𝖗𝖔𝖕𝖊 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖑 𝖉𝖎𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘 ✎⊹ It’s too easy to curate the perfect holiday album online, but what starts as a fairytale can quickly become an episode of ‘The Amazing Race’. What really goes down in transit? Harry, Jae, and I sit down for our first group therapy session after *that* Euro summer trip together to shed some light on the reality of escapism.

[ TOPICS ]

(00:00:00) Group Therapy Commences: Planning The Amazing Race

(00:06:18) The Singapore Airport Layover: Expectations vs Reality

(00:10:06) The Heathrow Layover: Pret and Four Tet

(00:10:49) Woofing In Denmark + Geography Lessons with Jae

(00:17:20) Unsafe Behaviour

(00:19:49) It’s Always Sunny In Sweden (Without SIM Cards)

(00:21:46) Harry’s Long Lost Sister Bambi

(00:24:09) A Perfect Day In Denmark With The Hot Danes

(00:30:16) Arriving In Stockholm

(00:32:58) Arriving In Rome

(00:36:35) Very Important Suitcase Advice

(00:40:00) Arriving In Venice

(00:41:40) Interventions: Harry’s Race Ahead Tact + Mia vs Maps

(00:44:32) Suitcase Techniques In Transit

(00:47:58) Mia’s Demons + Aura Reads

(00:50:40) Arriving In Milan (In A Heatwave)

(00:55:10) The Fear Of God Inside A Cathedral

(00:58:16) Lessons: When Harry Got Robbed

(01:01:11) The Sexy Italian Cops

(01:02:20) Snitches Get Stitches, Ciao!

(01:08:10) Flix Bus Regret And Our Evacuation Plan

(01:10:29) Milan Hot Spots: Volume Dischi E Libri, Fondazione Prada, Bar Luce

(01:11:34) Milano Linate Airport

Harry and I digress from the alluring hellscape of LA to an analytical autopsy of Hipsterisms after listening to Matty Healy on The B.E.E Podcast. We address the corporate tongue wags at the relevancy of youth culture, the spokenwordification of text, the evolution of memes, the lore of celebrities and how their clout can kill trends. ☹ 𝓘𝓷 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓶𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓻𝔂 𝓸𝓯 𝓙𝓲𝓫𝓫𝓲𝓽𝔃 ☹ ₂₀₂₀₋₂₀₂₂ ♱

[ TOPICS ]

(00:00:00) Matty Healy on the Bret Easton Ellis Pod

(00:03:59) Less Than Zero And The Alluring Hellscape Of LA

(00:10:24) The Objectification Of Youth Culture

(00:11:21) Podcasters Are The New Bloggers

(00:14:21) Ins & Outs Are OUT!

(00:15:34) …You Can Be A Troll And NOT Be An Incel

(00:19:40) Being A Dickhead’s Cool (My Peak Neckerchief Days)

(00:22:32) Lana Del Rey Roleplay

(00:30:30) Harry Styles Spotted In Collingwood

(00:32:17) How To Be Cool Around Cool People

(00:42:00) Caroline Polachek Is Shoshana From Girls (And Her Dad Is Patrick Bateman)

(00:50:55) Creatives And Corporate Cosplay

(00:53:39) The Immortality Of Alt: Deftones x Heaven x Stray Rats

(01:00:38) Drones And The Normalisation Of Surveillance Culture

(01:03:55) Ethel Cain + Caroline Polachek - Boygenius = Kristen Stewart

(01:08:29) Embracing Frost Children

(01:09:00) Online Ceramics: Deadhead Designs VS Merch Collabs

(01:11:01) The Fenty Renaissance: Rihanna’s Return To Puma

(01:11:07) I’m Being Held Captive By My Crocs, Please Help!

We’re talking facades this week because what you see isn’t always what you get. Will the final season of Succession follow the King Lear lore? Does the censorship of Roald Dahl promote inclusivity or remove accountability? Do community guidelines help us or censor us? If social media is just a shopfront for capitalism, then why are we so obsessed with it? Are we all just a bunch of wannabe capitalists? Would a capitalist simp for yellow tags at the supermarket? Surely not.

[ TOPICS ]

(00:00:00) Pharrell for LV vs Daniel Lee for Burberry

(00:05:00) Succession Fanfic

(00:18:02) Wait. Jeremy Strong Lives In Denmark?

(00:19:59) The Censorship Of Roald Dahl

(00:25:05) Community Guidelines

(00:26:40) Social Media Is Just A Shopfront

(00:29:14) The Death Of Organic

(00:29:49) The Trial Of TikTok’s Sound On

(00:31:27) Fred again.. The Ed Sheeran Of Dance Music?

(00:36:06) Scooter Braun/HYBE Acquires QC

(00:38:45) Woolies vs Coles

(00:41:44) Supermarket Behavioural Science: Custard Tart Review, The Cold Section Is Cold, The Yellow Tag Conspiracy, The Bachelor Handbag, Mayonnaise Exposed, Plant-Based-Chicken, Roses Cos You Care/Favourites Cos You Forgot, The Party Bag Conspiracy, The Gaslighting Odd Bunch, Supermarket Etiquette, Truffles Are Overrated, Fandom vs Fatigue, The Survival Diet.

How well do you know your neighbours? This week, we peek underneath the surface of Australia’s most family-friendly franchise: The Wiggles. Why are these dudes hanging out with a dinosaur? What’s the deal with Jeff only waking up for a fat bag? What in the name of nepotism is this new blue Wiggle up to? The hard launch hot potato of Chambie/Role Model, Em Rata/Eric Andre, Pharrell Williams/Louis Vuitton is deep-fried by Harry Styles bodying Timothee Chalamet in yet another unstylish rampage. Does this explain why musicians become actors or why Gen Z can’t act? Unfortunately not. 

[ TOPICS ]

(00:00:00) Fast Cars & Fast Food

(00:03:35) Pharrell Williams: New Creative Director For Louis Vuitton Menswear

(00:11:30) Deep Fried Cadbury Favourites

(00:18:40) The Nepo Wiggle

(00:21:30) Remote Working & Franchising: The Modern Wiggle Way

(00:23:46) BTS At The Wiggles Stadium Tour With The Big Brother Parkour Guy

(00:26:16) Are The Wiggles Australia’s Brockhampton?

(00:34:20) How Well Do You Know Your Neighbours? (Other Names In Australian Kids TV)

(00:35:47) Vape or Kombucha?

(00:37:40) Eric Andre & Em Rata vs Trevor Noah & Dua Lipa

(00:43:04) When Musicians Act

(00:45:42) Hard Launch: Emma Chamberlain & Role Model

(00:49:20) Gen Z Can’t Act

(00:58:49) Harry Styles vs Timothee Chalamet: Who Wore It Worse?

POV: It's 2020. Harry and I are front row at Sydney Laneway Festival, watching The 1975 in the pouring rain. The pandemic is looming but the lockdowns haven't started yet. We have no idea how significant this moment is.This memory foreshadows our return to Melbourne Laneway Festival in 2023. The commemorative merch dates serve as a polarising reminder that time has indeed passed, and nothing is certain, not even the former Footscray location of our favourite festival.  Harry and I feel like Bill and Ted while travelling back to the new site at Flemington, haunted by its ghosts of fallen festivals past. We are reluctant to immerse ourselves into the thoroughfare of cut-off-clad-punters screaming about set time changes - but we do it anyway because there were too many moments during lockdown when we would have risked it all for a headliner-heavy lineup and some hot chips. 

Read Harry's Fred Again.. Op-Ed: https://themusicnetwork.com/fred-again-marketing-oped/

[TOPICS]

(00:00:00) The Ghost of Festivals Past

(00:07:17) The Set Times Switch-Up-Stich-Up

(00:07:48) Bitch I Might Be Joji (And Definitely Not Haim)

(00:15:54) Is Joji Just Phoebe Bridgers Inverted?

(00:28:19) Aussie Slang

(00:30:10) Fraud again..

(00:50:30) Our Viral Gaslighters: Prince Fred & King George

(00:52:30) 100 Gecs Pilled

(00:56:30) Harry's Food Review

(00:57:38) Slowthai & The JD Sports Window Daddies

(00:58:40) The Turnstile Workout Plan

(01:10:32) Laneway Festival: Final Review

We’re cranky off a vape come down and it’s being rapidly worsened by wokeist-pitch-deck-films and irrational fears about Toadzilla and the other “T word”. Could all of our problems be solved by medicinal MDMA and mushrooms? Only Albo and his arts agenda can save us now. 

Read Harry's Op-Ed About Labor’s National Culture Policy: https://themusicnetwork.com/national-cultural-policy-opinion/


[TOPICS]

(00:00:00) Vapes Anon

(00:12:05) Medicinal MDMA & Mushrooms

(00:15:05) Toadzilla

(00:18:59) You People Film Review

(00:34:25) Sushi Terrorism

(00:38:42) Labor’s National Culture Policy

(00:39:51) Grammy Awards Fit Checks