Emily is experiencing major identity anxiety. Sophia is having dreams that worms are coming out of her mouth. Apparently it is possible to put the ozone layer in your bloodstream.

Send questions @guffantibrunettes

@therealemilywilson

@sophiapercario

Emily reflects on her old ways of expressing feminism. Sophia glued somebody's eyelid shut. If you ever wrong Sophia, she will steal your phone and burn photos of you.

@therealemilywilson

@sophiapercario

@guffantibrunettes

Emily is too cuddly of a sleeper. Sophia will now go by Lady Gaga. All drunk girls compare boobs.

@therealemilywilson

@sophiapercario

@guffantibrunettes

Emily will never not wear makeup again. Sophia has a full-grown beard. If The Bachelor did a gay season, would it just be Bachelor in Paradise?

@therealemilywilson@sophiapercario@guffantibrunettes

Emily likes corn way too much. Sophia tries to hold down her wicked Jack Daniel's hangover. Where is the Middle East?

@therealemilywilson

@sophiapercario

@guffantibrunettes

Emily discovers her hound dog sense of smell. Sophia is going blind and she knows exactly why. Are you still supposed to pick up your dog's shit if the shit is wet shit?

@therealemilywilson

@sophiapercario

@guffantibrunettes

Emily is losing all her social skills. Sophia has a chronic rear-ending problem. Stereotypes are sometimes very useful.

@therealemilywilson

@sophiapercario

@guffantibrunettes

Emily has a paranormal experience in her apartment. Sophia goes to Portugal and finds herself with a very giving gentleman. Sometimes women just need to cry.

@therealemilywilson

@sophiapercario

@guffantibrunettes

Emily is done with being done with negative energy. Sophia gets bullied by a doctor. Instagram is poisoning all of us.

@therealemilywilson

@sophiapercario

@guffantibrunettes

Emily has a fear of pooping. Sophia uses affirmations as contraception. If you want a boob job, get a boob job.

@therealemilywilson

@sophiapercario

@guffantibrunettes