Is there someone in your life that you love dearly and they vote differently from you? And their choice to vote so differently is making it hard for you to be close to them? Love them, even?

I had a marriage therapist ask me to do a podcast episode about our nation’s polarization because it is ending marriages. This is my attempt at this difficult topic. I’m going to talk in the episode as if it’s your partner that votes differently because that’s a huge struggle for people right now. But if it’s not your partner, each time I say “Partner” or "Sweetheart," I invite you to substitute the person’s name with whom you struggle.

In this week’s episode of my podcast, I tell you a story about when I realized my husband and I believed RADICALLY differently. My marriage has gotten stronger and stronger because I leaned into the difference rather than fighting it or pretending it didn’t exist.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to keep your body calm so your heart can remain open.

Date Night Discussion

How are your partner’s political opinions an example of love? A different way to put love into the world? When you start with this question, and you keep your animal body calm, and you remember (and reimagine the animal body feeling of that love) you can be genuinely curious. 

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What if talking about money could create as much intimacy with your partner as walking hand in hand, or staying out late drinking your favorite beverage staring into each other’s eyes?

You want to be able to count on your partner to do their part when it comes to paying not just the bills, but saving for a great vacation or setting aside money so the kids have not just what they need, but also some fun money, because we all know that watching your kids’ happiness doubles your own happiness.

But what if you and your partner have trouble talking about money? What if the only time you actually talk about money is when you HAVE to, and the conversation devolves into argument?

How do you find a better way?

That’s what we’re talking about today in the third and final segment of our conversation about money in your relationship. The HOW of money conversations so that you and your partner feel bonded whenever you talk about money:

1. In episode one of this money series I offered you three tools to remove shame and blame: noticing, curiosity, and leading with your values
2. Last week we talked about how to find a YES! so big that it makes saying NO easy.
3. In this episode, we’ll focus on 4 practical tools to get control of your money so you and your partner are united when it comes to money rather than divided.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week's habit for your happily ever after is to employ the four tools I've offered you today. Don't expect yourselves to be good at using the tools when you begin. These are lifetime tools. The goal is to practice with them. And your practice will assure your mastery over time.

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The Money Coaching Conversation

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When you find a big enough YES! it's easy to say NO! A big enough YES keeps you tuned into your deepest values. You'll be wired to eliminate frivolous spending and wasted money.

Today, we continue our 3-part discussion about money.

Last week we talked about your money mindset. As a reminder, It's critical to hear the WHOLE story from your partner when it comes to money. There are 3 skills to help you hear that whole story: Notice, Get curious, and Understand your partner's deepest values.

In this episode,  I’ll tell you about my son’s journey with his own money mindset and how his values deepened and his spending changed as he matured.

Date Night Discussion

This week, I invite you to ask yourself some questions to help clarify your values around money:

• Who do you long to become? 
• What story do you want your mother, your father (or that person in your life you most want to make proud), what story do you want them to tell about the way you used money to become the biggest version of yourself?
• Can you name the desires that money bought you when you were young?
• Can you name how those desires changed when you were first living on your own? How about now?

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Listen to my TEDx talk here.

What happens when you have a toxic, or even just tenuous, relationship with money? How does that impact the relationship with your partner?

Today, we discuss your money mindset, and how conversations about money impact your relationship. 

1. We’ll talk about three crucial money elements that will radically change the way you connect to your partner.
2. We’ll discuss the three hang ups that can sabotage your money conversations.
3. And I’ll invite you to practice a habit that has the power to end most of your future conflicts about money.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

Are you ready for a habit that, if you ACTUALLY practice it, will end the bulk of your conflicts about money?

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to come up with a phrase you and your partner can use to promote non-judgmental noticing and curiosity that will lead you to better understand what you each value.

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I believe Dr. Zoe’s 11 questions have such healing power (especially if you’ve read her book and let her story help you untangle your own complex shame) that I wanted to give you an easy space to revisit these questions.

Connect with my guest

Visit Dr. Zoe Shaw's website here.

Read Dr. Zoe Shaw's book, Stronger in the Difficult Places.

Listen to the Stronger in the Difficult Places podcast.

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Do you ever wonder why, even when your partner treats you tenderly, that you still feel empty? Or invisible?

Shame steals the love you are able to feel. Shame steals that love before it’s able to land in your heart, because you feel unworthy. You simply can’t receive love even when it is abundant around you.

If you’ve felt this way, I want you to meet psychotherapist and author, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Today, we bring you a revealing conversation about shame: 

1. We’ll talk about her new book, Stronger in the Difficult Places: Heal Your Relationship with Yourself by Untangling Complex Shame.
2. She’ll explain how and why shame gets woven into our identity so tightly that we can’t feel the love waiting for us in all kinds of places.
3. And I reveal the moment my husband discovered my shame, and how it changed the character of our marriage.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

For this week’s habit for your happily ever after, I demonstrate how I found and connected to my own shame while reading Zoe’s book.

Date Night Discussion

Dr. Zoe invites you to have a regular meeting with yourself. She calls it therapy without the therapist. She has 11 (my favorite number) questions for you to ponder. Here’s 4 of my favorites:

1. How have I disconnected (from my partner) this week because of my shame?
2. How can I connect in a healthy way instead?
3. How can I acknowledge my part in this?
4. How can I forgive myself for my shortcomings?

Connect with my guest

Visit Dr. Zoe Shaw's website here.

Read Dr. Zoe Shaw's book, Stronger in the Difficult Places.

Listen to the Stronger in the Difficult Places podcast.

Connect on Instagram here.

Visit the show notes here.

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I'm popping into your podcast feed to remind you about my new book club. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER to join.

The first book will be Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power by Kasia Urbaniak. I am so excited to share this book with you and discuss how it applies to relationships. 

Join me for the book club on October 13th at:

• 5 p.m. Pacific
• 6 p.m. Mountain
• 7 p.m. Central
• 8 p.m. Eastern 

In order to receive your invitation, make sure you're signed up for my email list. That’s where I’ll send you more information and the Zoom link to join.

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Sexual magnetism and general attractiveness begin with falling in love with yourself.

The problem is that many people (and mostly I notice this in women, though not exclusively) find their worthiness in other people’s approval.

When you’re chasing anyone else’s approval, you lose touch with your own desires. When you lose touch with your own desires, you slowly become less desirable. Because you’ve lost your vitality. Your verve. What makes you excited has faded from view.

In this episode, you get to hear from Bern Mendez. Typically, you’d find Bern on YouTube. He helps women who are attracting Mr. Wrong learn how to attract Mr. Right instead.

Today, you’ll hear why a little boredom might be just what your deepest soul is longing for, and why silence might wake up a forgotten desire.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week, Bern Mendez offers a habit for women to practice so they can show up more authentically as themselves and feed the energy and the magnetism in their relationship. 

Bern invites you to do anything that makes you feel more alive. Follow your heart, and do the things that put you in a place where you experience more depth, joy, and aliveness. 

In our conversation, Bern also talks about this list of questions from poet David Whyte and this game from Esther Perel.

Connect with my guest

Visit Bern Mendez's website here.

Check out Bern's YouTube channel here.

Connect on social media here.

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I'm starting a new relationship book club, and I want you to join.

Do you want to discuss books about relationship with me, and maybe even end up on the podcast? Take a minute and SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER so you don't miss the invitation to sign up.

Fill out this survey and let me know what book you're dying to discuss.

You make assumptions. You want your partner to change. What if I told you the reason you do these things is romantic?

Today, we talk about two main elements I see that make it difficult to stay in your own business: Blending and judging.

1. We talk about how the feeling of oneness you have with your sweetheart creates confusion and makes it hard to stay in your own business.
2. We'll talk about why judging your sweetheart is a stumbling block for staying in your own business. 
3. And I'll give you a habit for how to stop judging and unblend with your sweetheart.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

Instead of saying “should” when talking to your partner, simply change the word to “would.”

Date Night Discussion

You blend because you are romantic partners. And when you blend, you make assumptions about your partner. Those assumptions are what gets toxic for your relationship.

The antidote to assumptions and expectations is instead to get curious. 

To spark your curiosity this week, I invite you to play Would You Rather?

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