Today I interview my sister, Katie Elliott, about her marriage. Katie and her husband, Jimmy Lavita, were co-artistic creators of 3rd Law Dance until his death in 2017. Katie continues to direct the company now on her own. Together they built an artistic life where “new ideas are generated through the push and pull in movement, emotion, and ideas that create dynamic working relationships.”

Today you’ll hear:

• About how seeing your partner for exactly, precisely who they are will deepen the love you share
• You’ll hear why trying to change your partner stops the flow of love, and how you can surrender your need to change them
• Finally, you’ll hear the secret to receiving love. Hint: it’s the opposite of having a recipe and getting what you thought you wanted

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Looking for a good date night option?

Consider a date that includes water. Water dates have rebooted my marriage multiple times. Water is calming. Water is invigorating. And water invites each of you to show up and notice what is real. In this episode:

• We’ll talk about the three roles in your relationship: Partner, Lover, and Friend and how they are each impacted by the water
• I’ll tell you a story about how a water adventure reset my marriage after a troubled time
• And I’ll suggest a specific water date for your relationship

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

Find a body of water and put yourselves in, on, or beside this water. Then notice what you need from the water.

Date Night Discussion

This week instead of talking, allow the water to offer you the silence of being together. Allow yourselves to NOT talk and notice how much you say to one another by sharing an experience of silence.

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How do two people go from meeting in a Dairy Queen as teenagers, to cultivating a connection so deep that their marriage can withstand a major life change?

Today we get to hear from my niece and nephew, Chris and Megan Tidd. They are childhood sweethearts, and they’ve been together 23  years. During those years, they’ve raised two wonderful children and, in addition to careers as engineer and teacher, they’ve both gotten graduate degrees. You’ll hear how they:

• Pay attention to their monthly “anniversor” to remind them of the commitment they made to each other
• You’ll hear how they deal with the *opposites attract* element in their relationship to form a helix of interconnection
• And why acknowledging the Hole Megan was feeling in her heart is crucial to furthering that connection

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

For this week’s habit for your happily ever after, I’m wondering if you have a desire to mark your “anniversor?” If you had a monthly rhythm to acknowledge your vows of commitment, what would it be?

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Is it difficult for you to feel loved? To feel truly and deeply loved?

Today we explore what happens to your relationship when it’s hard to love yourself.

• I’ll tell you about the deep hole of loneliness I carried from childhood well into adulthood
• How you can begin—or continue—to feel worthy of love
• And how worthiness—and what I call The Love Well—is the key ingredient to allowing you to receive the deep love you crave.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This weeks habit for your happily ever after is to identify how you can build your own Love Well.

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When you have a conflict with your partner, do you react to what they're saying rather than respond?

In this episode, you’ll meet Mary Beth Luedtke, a licensed professional counselor candidate practicing in Grand Junction, Colorado. She is also a dear friend.

Mary Beth is here to talk about how our emotional intelligence impacts our relationships:

• You’ll learn about the “forbidden” emotions of our childhood and how those unidentified emotions turn into the “issues” that clog up our relationships.
• You’ll get a habit to help you become more skilled at emotional intelligence so you can recognize these emotions
• And, finally, you’ll hear how my world opens up as I practice this habit for you to hear.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week's habit for your happily ever after is to become aware of your emotions.

Nuance helps enormously. How specific can you name your emotion? See how the specificity increases your awareness as you attempt to feel those emotions?

Date Night Discussion

This week, have a discussion with yourself about your emotions.

How many emotions can you name?

Of those emotions, how many different ways can you name them? How many different ways do you feel joy, anger, or sadness?

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To give you something quick to listen to, we created this bonus of Mariah’s affirmation alphabet. Enjoy.

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In this bonus episode, I talk with Mariah Edgington about how to receive or allow loving opportunities to reach your heart:

• You'll hear how in order to receive love, you need to first feel worthy of love
• You'll hear how Mariah's past affected her ability to receive love
• And you'll get a practice to use to help you affirm your worthiness

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Visit Byron and Mariah's website here.

In this episode, I interview the speaking duo of Byron and Mariah Edgington. They met when Mariah was an ICU nurse and Byron was an emergency services flight helicopter pilot.

• You’ll hear how, even with the best of intentions, Byron hurt his wife’s feelings for years
• Why Mariah’s neurodiversity diagnosis is deepening their connection to each other
• And how they expanded their love when Mariah cared for herself first.

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Connect with my guest

Visit Byron and Mariah's website here.

Last week I gave you an example of Tyler and Alia and the three things from their marriage meeting. We did that workshop style so you could start and stop the recording while you and your sweetheart have your own Planning session. Today we’ll do the same thing, but we’ll concentrate on Reviewing the previous week.

• You’ll see the importance of time to review the plan you made, not so you find fault, but rather to help you understand what’s realistic and where you’re expecting too much from yourselves.
• You’ll get review questions so you and your sweetheart can review the week you planned last week.
• And you’ll see how reviewing thoughtfully enables you to make a more mindful plan for the upcoming week.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

In order to cement this habit of the marriage meeting into your lifestyle, this week’s habit for your happily ever after is to talk about why this meeting makes you happy.

Or, if happiness is too big a stretch, talk about how you can see this meeting help improve your communication.

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Last week we discussed why and how a marriage meeting can help your relationship. Today I’ll walk you through a typical marriage meeting to help you prepare for yours:

• I'll explain the Plan-Do-Review template that will help you navigate the nitty gritty details that, if untended, cause conflict
• Then you’ll see why discussing a Plan at the beginning of the week fends off conflicts before they have a chance to grow
• And you’ll get true to life examples you can borrow

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to talk about why this meeting makes you happy. Or, if happiness is too big a stretch, talk about how you can see this meeting help improve your communication.

Visit the show notes here.

Read the full transcript here.

View a graphic to help you plan here.

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