"What is a happy marriage?" is not the only question you should ask.

Is your goal to have a happy marriage?

Today we're going to address the age-old question of "What makes a happy marriage?" by exploring the deeper truth of marriage:

• You'll hear why this might actually be the wrong question to ask
• I'll introduce you to a book and a podcast that examine this subject from a different point of view
• I'll offer you a discussion and a habit so that you can deepen your relationship by asking a different question

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to ask a different question about your marriage.

Instead of asking the same old question, “What makes our marriage happy?” You could ask, "What is comforting in our relationship?" or "What do I learn about love from our relationship?" or "How does this relationship support my personal growth?"

Date Night Discussion

This week I invite you to talk with your partner about the enormous variety of questions you could ask yourself about your relationship.

When you learn how to ask a wide variety of questions about your marriage, your marriage will expand to meet your curiosity.

So discuss among yourselves. What else do you want in addition to a happy marriage?

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It's not an easy thing to do. It takes time and consideration.

That's why psychotherapist, author, speaker, and media contributor Dr. Zoe Shaw is joining me for another episode to talk more about shame.

In this episode, you'll get suggestions for mitigating the power of shame in your primary relationship:

• You’ll hear why it’s important to answer our anxious questions
• How to harness your imagination to reduce shame
• And how you can make a distinction between grief and shame so you don’t get stuck in a false story

Create a self-care recipe for someone you dearly love who is in need of some self-care.

Then try following that recipe yourself.

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Is your shame heavy? Does it sit on your shoulders and make you feel small?

Today my guest is psychotherapist, author, speaker, and media contributor Dr. Zoe Shaw. She is a relationship expert who specializes in the subject of complex shame and codependency.

In this episode you'll hear:

• How the shame you felt as a child impacts your adult relationships
• Why we accept shame and betray ourselves for the sake of belonging
• How shame can be overcome when you can take back your story and find your voice

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Strengthen your relationship when you apologize better.

Is it hard for you to apologize to your partner? Is your partner apology-challenged?

Your relationship communication will improve when your "sorry" becomes more effective. Today we'll look at how to apologize better:

• We’ll look at 3 types of lousy apologies so we can spot the bad habits
• We’ll clean those up with 4 specific steps to make your apology shine
• I’ll offer you a date night discussion to help you listen with love to your partner instead of proving that you’re right and why that makes all the difference

The 4 Steps to a Deeper Apology:

1. Say the word “sorry” or something similar
2. Take responsibility for your behavior
3. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings
4. Offer a plan for change

Date Night Discussion:

This week let yourselves talk about step 3: How does your partner feel when you’ve hurt their feelings?

Do these two things as your partner begins to tell you how they feel:

• Listen to your partner’s feelings
• Calm your inner lizard who is terrified that listening in this way means you’ll be indicted

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Does it matter how you talk to your sweetheart? Have you ever felt nagged? Or maybe you did the nagging and wished you could take your words back?

Today we explore questions that damn your relationship from the get go vs questions that awaken the dream for your relationship.

• We’ll discuss the difference between an agenda and an invitation
• You’ll see how to change an agenda into an invitation by simply changing the question you ask
• And in our date night discussion section, you and your sweetheart can laugh as you change oppressive agendas into an invitation you can’t resist

Change "Why" to What, How, or When to awaken the dream for your relationship.

Use 3 steps to make the change:

• Notice the damn.
• Notice your feelings.
• Change "Why" to What, How, or When

Practice by laughing with your partner as you change these questions to reflect your dream for your relationship:

• Why don’t you ever ask me to help you with cooking?
• Why are you always going out with your friends instead of me?
• Why is it that you get your glass all the way from the back bedroom to the countertop right next to the dishwasher but you can’t put it into the dishwasher?
• Why can’t you manage to empty the trash?
• Why don’t you ever initiate sex?

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How can you use a food truck at your wedding or summer party to save money and create a fun vibe?

In episode 50 my son, Logan, and I talked about eloping and how laughter helps in your relationship communication. He's back as a guest to offer his wisdom as a food truck owner.

It's officially wedding season and Logan has some advice about to handle food at your wedding. In this bonus episode, you’ll hear:

• Why a food truck is an affordable option for food at your wedding
• How having a food truck brings a unique and fun vibe to your wedding
• Some questions to ask to ensure everything goes smoothly if you are hiring a food truck for your wedding

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Do you struggle in your relationship to communicate about problems without being a jerk? How does laughter impact your relationship communication?

It comes easily to my son, Logan. It's his superpower. I'm thrilled to have him as a guest on the podcast to celebrate the milestone of my 50th episode.

Logan's superpower helps him be a better husband. In this episode you'll hear:

• Logan's elopement story and the advantages and disadvantages that come with eloping
• Why laughter is a great choice for your relationship conflict resolution
• How our pets teach us about unconditional love

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Why are you sometimes thrilled to follow your sweetheart’s lead and sometimes you run in the other direction? Or worse: push your sweetheart away when they make a suggestion?

In this episode, we’re going to talk about the powerful difference between an invitation and an agenda.

• We’ll look at the difference between an invitation which feels like a hand extended and an agenda which feels like a big, fat shove 
• I’ll tell you a story from my marriage when a gorgeous invitation changed to become a demanding shove
•  And I’ll give you a habit that helps you connect to the dream you have for your relationship so you can extend your invitation rather than shoving your agenda at your sweetheart

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Do you and your partner take on certain roles in your relationship?

Today my guest is Chantel Landeros, founding partner and psychotherapist at Thrive Marriage & Family Counseling in Grand Junction, Colorado. In this episode, Chantel talks about how remaining curious will keep you from feeling stuck in a relationship role.

You’ll hear:

• Why establishing roles in your relationship helps to uncover hidden expectations and how that helps prevent conflict
• You’ll get some fabulous conversation prompts to help you get curious about the hidden assumptions lurking in your relationship
• And we’ll give you a 90-second habit that will change the way you experience conflict and increase the trust you feel for your partner

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What is pleasure? Why does it matter? How does feeling pleasure impact you? Impact your relationship?

In this episode, you’ll hear from transformational coach and author, Kirstin Hotelling Zona. Kirstin left the safety of her tenure-track position as a professor—complete with the security of lifelong health benefits to follow her desire: wherever that desire leads her.

You’ll hear:

• Why following your desire is always the safest decision you can make (even though it feels terrifying!)
• The simple—but not always easy—path that connects you to your desire
• And how to cultivate a habit that tunes you into your pleasure so your pleasure can guide you

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Reach me at 970-210-4480