Hairy Butthole

With Halloween right around the corner this week, Youngmi discusses how she sees ghosts! She shares the most vivid encounters she's had to date (and scares herself in the process). She talks about intellectually refusing to believe ghosts are real and the journey she had in trying to diagnose her visions as mental illness, before ultimately accepting that there are things out of her understanding. She touches on viewing this aspect of her life through a white lens as well as a Korean cultural lens.

(CW: SA) This week, Youngmi talks to Jeremy Holt (graphic novel writer) about their identity as a transracial adoptee and nonbinary person. Jeremy talks about how growing up in an all-white community, they couldn't recognize their reflection as their own. They also discuss the reason they set out to explore their Asian identity. Jeremy also shares a sad story about a reaction their friend had to hearing about their sexual assault, and how that person's reaction stemmed from his inability to process his own sexual assault and victimhood. 

This week, Youngmi talks to James Tison (standup comedian) about the impact living in the closet for the first 15 years of their life had on them. Being taught to hide and lie about their personality has had a lasting impact on them, in ways that are visible to this day. They discuss learning how their parents' emotions were deemed more important than their own, leading them to believe that there is no room for their own emotions to this day. Youngmi and James also joke about their times doing open mics and standup shows in the days before the pandemic.

(CW: Suicide) This week, Youngmi speaks to Ai Vy Luu (comedian, Comedy Central, Reductress). Ai Vy and Youngmi talk about sex. A lot. Then Ai Vy opens up about a very difficult period of her life and the factors that led to her attempted suicide. She discusses personal hardships but also touches on the large-scale traumas we are all facing as a society, causing us all to be “soft suicidal.”

This week Youngmi talks to Audrey Taylor (@audreytaylorvisuals) about a huge fight they had a year into the pandemic. Audrey and Youngmi are personal friends who went through a tumultuous time after being reunited. They discuss how the pandemic deteriorated their mental health, as well as the explosion of anti-Asian hate crimes, led them to behave in two distinct incompatible ways and “break up” for a year. They also discuss how they mended their friendship, which involves Youngmi apologizing to Audrey for calling her a dumb bitch.

(CW: SA) This week, Youngmi speaks with Yurie Collins (actor, filmmaker, TikTok personality) about her life as a hostess in a Japanese hostess club. Yurie discusses a sad story about how a male patron assaulted her during a drunken bout and how the transactional nature of sex work-adjacent work is directly tied to deep self-hatred of men who believe they cannot be loved. They also touch on the ubiquitous nature of hostess bars in East Asia and why shame is placed on the women who work there and not the men who patronize it, when in fact they are the losers for having to pay people to hang out with them. Youngmi touches on her personal experience in this line of work. They also dissect how both of their biracial identities play into the world of dating, and ask the question, "Who are biracials supposed to date?"

This week Youngmi Mayer discusses returning home for the first time since the Covid-19 pandemic. She talks about the ways in which therapy has completely changed her brain and her outlook on life. She talks about noticing how her mind has moved away from a heightened trauma state and how that transformation took her by surprise. She talks about continuing her relationship with her family despite childhood trauma, as opposed to completely cutting them off, and the difficulties of maintaining those relationships. 

This week Youngmi Mayer talks to Roberto Santos (Chair of Pride Marianas). Roberto is Chamorro, Carolinian and white and recently moved back to the island of Saipan in the Marianas. He discusses what it feels like to be from a remote part of the world that people typically do not know anything about. He talks about the reasons he moved back on island and how “pride” for him encompasses the intense pride he has for his ethnic background as well as LGBTQIA+ advocacy. He also touches on how queer identity is viewed in the Marianas Islands. Youngmi discusses how she remembers meeting him for the first time in grade school.

This week I talked to my mom, Ippun Mayer (AKA the person who said "If you laugh while crying hair grows out of your butthole). She talked about my great-grandmother getting kidnapped, my grandmother being forced to marry a poor guy, my uncle being murdered by Japanese soldiers, and the suicides of my other uncle and grandfather. She also talked about why it's important to her that Koreans do not continue to hate Japanese people. Also she laughs a lot while talking about these horrors beyond our imaginations, Hairy Butthole style.