Hairy Butthole

This week I talked to the amazing comedian Jenny Arimoto about the death of her grandmother a decade after being diagnosed with dementia. Jenny talks about the cruelty of prolonging life in someone who no longer has the capacity to consent and talks about the infinite layers of emotions that surround death and illness. We talked about how death is perceived differently in Asian vs. American families and the problem with the idea that life events are either all good or all bad. Also I read the most deranged email I’ve ever received from an ex-boyfriend.

This week I talk to Vanessa Lavorato (Bong Appétit, Owner of Marigold Sweets) about the restaurant industry. Vanessa and I met while living in San Francisco in the late aughts. We talk about how we were both drawn to this work because of our traumatic childhoods and how so many people with similar backgrounds find comfort in the abusive familiarity of restaurant service. We also discuss the cult-like following that surrounds famous chefs and the hypocrisy of the wealthy white elite in the Bay Area co-opting organic food. Vanessa also touches on the long-lasting emotional effects of being in a relationship with a serial cheater.

This week I talk to comedian Kelly Bachman (Hysterical on FX, Rape Victims Are Horny Too). Kelly blew up on the internet after confronting Harvey Weinstein at a comedy show back in 2019. She joins Hairy Butthole to talk about how she started doing stand-up specifically to joke about rape after an assault left her searching for material from the survivor's perspective. She discusses how the MeToo movement pushed her into this pursuit and the spectacular coincidence that she was the one who ended up confronting the person at the core of the movement. 

I chat with Lucie Pohl (standup comedian) about the two times of her life when she was sexually assaulted, once as an 11-year-old child and then recently by a fellow standup comedian. She talks about the recent assault and how it triggered a rush of memories she had repressed from the childhood attack. She discusses talking to her parents about it for the first time, and how she felt as a child after her parents pretended it basically didn't happen.

In this episode, I am solo and I discuss my abortion and the events leading up to it. I also talk about how I don't think my abortion is sad and how we should normalize all reactions to abortion because the singular narrative about women being sad about abortion is damaging to the core message because abortion is not a death of a child, it's a medical procedure that for a lot of people is void of emotion or grief. I also talk about the misogynistic culture I grew up in and how it led me to ultimately need an abortion.

In this episode, I talk to my friend Alex Pemoulie (Restaurant Worker's Community Foundation) about her infant son going through open heart surgery after finding out he was at high risk of losing his life to a heart defect. She discusses postpartum depression and how it manifested in her being obsessed with the death of her children and the irony of her child being found out later to have a possibly fatal heart defect. We also talk about how her grief showed up in a form of a psychotic break months before the procedure, so that by the time she was experiencing the surgery, she was calm and collected. We talk about how she felt the hospital staff were confused by her calmness and how that could appear as coldness to strangers who did not know about how she grieved the surgery months before.

In this episode, I talk to Dylan Adler (comedian, TikTok star) about his grandmother's death and how he couldn't cry about it. We discuss the “social requirements” for grief and how not fulfilling them (i.e. crying at the funeral) adds pressure and the guilt of not showing grief in the way society finds acceptable. Dylan does end up crying at the end because he remembers something funny that his grandma did, and somehow that's what stirs up sadness in him.

This week I talk about my personal history with plastic surgery in full detail. I talk about why it took me so long to openly discuss this in public, because I have never struggled to share any aspect of my life publicly, no matter how humiliating. I talk about the narrative surrounding plastic surgery in South Korea, and how it's an extremely nuanced and complicated subject that's been reduced to a racist talking point. I talk about the things that happened in my life that lead to me wanting to alter my body and how it's a confusing relationship between self-hatred and self-acceptance that I've yet to figure out. I also talk about getting really cheap botox on Groupon.

On this episode I sit with Helen Cho, a well known Producer/Director most recently of My Next Guest Needs No Introduction With David Letterman and Takeout With Lisa Ling. She is most well known for producing No Reservations with the late Anthony Bourdain and in this episode of the podcast she discusses his death for the first time ever in public. She was his "only friend" as described by his acquaintances and herself identifies as his "bulldog" meaning it was her job to advocate for him and act as a semi secret service person. She talks about the hidden nature of their friendship and going through grief quietly while watching the entire world grieve his death as well.