Have you ever had someone just completely ignore you, or cut off communication with you, for seemingly no reason?  And when that happened, were you like today’s guest, Haley – did you ask yourself what YOU did wrong to cause that response?  Today Sarah unpacks the pattern of Haley’s relationship with her ex to explain why we often put up with this type of behavior for FAR TOO LONG! 

If you’re ready to deconstruct the gaslighting in your life so that you can live awake and free, Sarah wants to teach you how.  Check out her “Deconstructing Gaslighting” programs here!   

Word of the day: As a gaslighting tactic, inconsistency can show up in a variety of ways; the main thing we want to look for is THE PATTERN of inconsistency and then pay attention to what happens in our minds and hearts as a result of the inconsistency. Haley’s story highlights this so potently…

Story Time: Sarah and Hayley talk about the pattern of some (usually unknown) event being a catalyst for her then boyfriend to either just up and ghost her, or criticize and blame her, and then ghost her.  After a period of time, he would reappear in her life, and justify his ghosting with some victim-y story, typically combined with a non-apology apology, and THEN he would love-bomb her to draw her back in.  They talked about the self-gaslighting and self-abandonment this eventually happened for Haley, and, how she found peace.

Deconstruction Zone:

• The pattern of behaviors from Haley’s ex, and how they “hooked” her:
• Ignoring reality – not answering texts, not letting Haley know what was bothering him, etc. WHICH IS A POWER PLAY.
• Whenever it pleased him, he would come back and exaggerate his wounds, painting himself as a victim.
• AND THEN… the love-bombing to lure Haley back in/forgive. 
• WASH AND REPEAT.
• Inconsistency + coercion = Haley suffering from mind games.
• Haley’s desire to keep the relationship going + desire to fix things/make them come out well = losing connection to her knowing/perception. Combined with her ex’s gaslighting, this led to self-gaslighting in the form of questioning/blaming herself, as well as something we call “false hope”. 

Set Your Alarm: Look for inconsistency: 1) When a person’s word, actions, and energy don’t line up.  2) When they say one thing one day, and something completely opposite on another day.  Now – people are allowed to change their minds… we’re talking about when people change what they’re saying in such a way that you can NEVER do it right. This is not about them changing their mind – this is a power play, and a way to keep you in a place of confusion, which, ultimately, makes you easier to influence/control.  IF you think this is happening in your relationship, start tracking it.  Look to see if there is a pattern. 

Closing: And thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful, please leave a review and subscribe, and if you think others would benefit from it, please share it.  And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!  And now I leave you with the anthem of this podcast: Not Today…

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