Deconstructing Gaslighting™

Many, MANY years ago I discovered this blogger whose blog was called Momastery. There were so many things that drew me to this writer. There have been a number of phrases she said that absolutely changed the way I moved through the world. And one of the things I loved about her the most was how raw and vulnerable she was with how effing hard life is.

It was one such time that she said these words: “We can do hard things.” It became the rally cry of the work she does in this world. And today, we’re going to take a look at how we can know the balance that we really need to have when we use that phrase, or phrases like it.

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking to deepen your understanding of this thing we call gaslighting and learn how to recognize the patterns so that you can break the patterns, I encourage you to check out my website. I am in the process of relaunching my programs, and in the interim, I’ve already lowered the cost of my programs significantly. You can now get my signature program for just $29.

My guest today is Elizabeth Abbruzza of the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center.

Story Time: Sarah And Elizabeth discuss the concept of "I can do hard things" – why and how it is a concept that can serve us; the “dangers” of this mentality/using this phrase flippantly; and finally some tips/tools to help us find – and stay in – a place of balance around "pushing ourselves".

You can learn more about the work The Bellview Trauma Recovery Center is doing, read their blogs, follow them on Instagram, or even get on their email list

I also invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. 

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

As we head into the holidays, life can get really, really tricky. Family pressure. Cultural/societal pressure. Internal pressure. Pressure to put on a smile and be happy. And this month especially – pressure to have “an attitude of gratitude”. And yet – for so, so many of us, this can not only feel fake, but actually add to our struggles.

So today, I’ve invited an amazing human to come on the pod and share one of her favorite and most powerful tools we can use to find peace in the midst of the conflicts and contradictory circumstances we find ourselves in in life – and especially during this time of year.

Welcome you to Deconstructing Gaslighting® the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me!

My guest today is Natalie Claire - aka Sunshine Strategist!

Story Time: Sarah and Natalie discuss what the Yes/And or Both/And is, the variety of ways we can use this mindset/tool to help us move through life with so much more peace, and a few reasons people may find themselves feeling a bit resistant to embracing the both/and.

Top Take-Aways: Usually I list out the top take-aways, but this time I just felt like I couldn't do them justice. There was just so much power and rawness and beauty in the discussion to capture it here.  

If you'd like to talk with Natalie about hiring her as your strategist/business coach, you can do so by sending her an email addressed to: [email protected]. You can also follow her and her adventures on her Instagram account.

If you'd like to sign up for the "Take Back the Holidays" workshop, you can do so here.

I also wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I’m on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. 

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

Register for the workshop here!

The holidays bring a *special* challenge for MANY of us...

🍂Parallel parenting with a GASLIGHTING ex

🍂Toxic family gatherings where old patterns take you right back to feeling like that powerless child

🍂 Triggers and GASLIGHTING responses between intimate partners where betrayal trauma has happened

If you resonate with any of these situations, and know - far too well - the anxiety, sense of powerlessness, and dread they bring, I have something for you!

Nov. 16th I will be doing a special workshop where I will share the best strategies and tools I've used with my clients over the past decade to help them stay connected to themselves, and reduce (if not completely shift) the anxiety, and instead feel empowered and equipped - AND, quite possibly, a sense of peace - as they moved through their difficult holiday season.

November 16th, from 11am - 1 pm CST (9-11 PST; 12-2 EST)

Replay from 6 pm - 8 pm CSY (4-6 PST; 7-9 EST)

$30

Register here!

*ALSO - please share so that more people can know about this amazing resource this holiday season!

Fear. It’s a topic I revisit often on my podcast, because it can be a confusing one, especially since fear can sometimes be a helpful emotion. For example, fearing the pain that will happen if I touch fire helps alert me to the danger of fire.

While it’s an important emotion that can alert us to pay attention to what’s going on around us, it is also something that can misguide us. For example, when I was a kid, I had a BUNCH or irrational fears, and many of them centered on stories and movies that always popped up this time of year.

So, what better time to revisit this topic than the month we most commonly associate with fear – October.

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. In addition to the self-paced programs I have on my website designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting, I wanted to let you know about a special workshop I’m doing next month - Take Back the Holidays. Save the date: Nov. 16th.

 Story Time: Sarah discusses the difference between fear based on "real" vs. imagined threats; why we need to be able to sort through things to recognize the difference; complications with sorting out which type of fear we are experiencing; and of course, fear that intersects with gaslighting– fear that is connected with gaslighting:

Top Take-Aways:

1. Get clear about "the story I’m making up"... ask yourself if this a likely outcome? – if so, what options/choices do I have to change things and/or protect myself?
2. "Head, Heart, Gut" check – Check out podcast episode: Season 2, Epi 22, May 28th – "I should’ve listened to my gut".
3. Asking yourself: if I face this fear, is it because of an opportunity for growth? If not, ask "why am I facing it/pushing through it?"– good distinction to flesh out potential coercion
4. Remember: "Where focus goes, energy flows"

• If you have determined it's not a "real threat", ask yourself one of the following questions: What would be the opposite of fear that I would rather be feeling? If I could tap into my “higher self” in this situation, how would they feel/handle this? And then borrow those things from your higher self.

I'd love to have you follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok.

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

Gaslighting and our children… this is such a huge, heavy, and important aspect of so many people in life that while I planned on having just one episode on the topic, I ended up having two. In the last episode, my guest and I addressed the question: Am I gaslighting my kid? In this episode, we’re going to address the questions: Did my kid just try to gaslight me? What does that mean if they did? How can I help my kid be “gaslighting resistant”?

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website, where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting, find clarity and shift into a place of feeling more empowered.

My guest today is once again Lauren Hagen.

Story Time: Sarah and Laure share stories from their own lives to help you recognize when your kids may be trying to gaslight you, and when you are seeing others gaslight your kids. As they do, they share insights and tips to help you through these nuanced issues.

Top Take-Aways:

• As Lauren said, "Slow the F down"
• As Sarah said, "Be mindful of the shortcuts we are tempted to take"
• Best tip for teaching your kids how to be gaslighting-resistant: help them know themselves and grow their voice.

I wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

If you’d like to get in contact with Lauren, you can reach out to her for a free consultation at [email protected] or call or text her at 512-739-6759.  

Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. 

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

Gaslighting and our children… is there any place that feels more critical than this for those of us who are parents?  Have you ever wondered about any of the following? Am I gaslighting my kid? Did my kid just try to gaslight me? What does that mean if they did? How can I help my kid be “gaslighting resistant”? I’ve heard every single one of these questions over the years and asked myself each and every one of them. So today, my guest and I are going to share stories and tips to help address these questions.

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting, find clarity and shift into a place of feeling more empowered.

My guest today is Lauren Hagen.

Story Time: Sarah and Lauren talk about the ways they've gaslit their kids, and the lessons they've learned about themselves, their kids, and parenting along the way.

Top take-aways:

• Not all people who do gaslighting behaviors are doing it for nefarious reasons. It's important to take a look at our own motives for gaslighting our kids, with compassion and WITHOUT judgement. This is how we learn how to meet our needs in parenting, while behaving in ways that are staying in alignment with the way we want to parent our children/our values.

So, dear listener, my and Lauren’s conversation about this very important topic was SO good, that I’ve done something I’ve never done before, and I’ve edited this podcast into two episodes so that it’s not 70 minutes long.

So please come back in two weeks, when Lauren and I talk about when our kids try to gaslight us, and when we see someone else gaslighting our kids.

I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.

If you’d like to get in contact with Lauren, you can reach out to her for a free consultation at [email protected] or call or text her at 512-739-6759. 

Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe.

Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. 

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

It’s back to school season, and as such, this month my two podcast episodes are going to be focused on supporting all the parents out there.

One of the most difficult places we can experience GASLIGHTING is when we are having to “parallel parent” with a GASLIGHTING ex. The stories I’ve heard throughout my career of how this has played out would break your heart. So today I’ve invited someone near and dear to my heart to help me talk about this very difficult topic and give you some ideas of how to handle this if you are one of the many who don’t get to walk away from your gaslighter like I did.

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help around GASLIGHTING issues, I encourage you to check out my website, where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around GASLIGHTING.

My guest today is Lindsay - a therapist and mother to five boys.

Story Time: Sarah and Lindsay talk about a variety of ways parents who have divorced their gaslighter, but still share children, experience GASLIGHTING. From "love-bombing" to undermining, they share many relatable stories and a few tips and tools to help you if you can relate.

Top Take-Aways:

1. Give yourself permission to prioritize yourself so that you can be fully present for your kiddos.
2. Remember this important FACT: It’s NOT your job to “cover” or “protect” that gaslighting parent.
3. Remember the goal: stay connected to what you know to be true.
4. You don’t have to prove yourself to your ex/validate why you want the boundaries/”rules”, etc. – if they don’t agree/wont’ comply, you get to differentiate, etc.
5. Remember this statement: "If it's important to me, then it's important".

I wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. 

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

I saw a picture of a sign that read, “better to admit you walked through the wrong door than spend your life in the wrong room”. I felt that. There have been big and small ways I’ve LIVED that.

We ALL have ended up walking through the wrong door a time or two in our lives. Being able to recognize when we’ve ended up in the wrong room is crucial to living in alignment with our values in a way that is authentically us, rather living in alignment with what others want of us.

Today I’m going to use this context to get political. I can’t stay silent about what I’ve seen with my brain that is SO attuned to recognizing the gaslighting that happens. Not when I’m seeing such huge and harmful impact because of it.

What I want to do today is speak to those of you who may be experiencing cognitive dissonance because you are beginning to realize that you walked through the wrong door. I want to help you understand how that happened. I want to help you feel seen and understood. And I want to help you find the clarity and power to get out of the wrong room.

I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people recognize the patterns of gaslighting and what’s more - heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.

Story Time: Sarah deconstructs the "how" and "why" we end up walking through the wrong door; shares a concept she found in a Dr. Ramini video, shares a non-political example so we can see it in action, shares a personal example from her own life of walking through the wrong door, and then gets a bit political... all from a place of grace, yet wanting to speak out about the political abuse she's seeing, so that the USA can heal.

Top Take-Aways:

For those who may be in the wrong room:

1. Give yourself grace. You were lured in because you trusted someone who used your values against you.
2. Pay attention to when and how FEAR is guiding your decisions. When we are guided by fear, we are vulnerable to coercion.
3. Look for the ½ truths – especially with exaggeration and distortion, and when you are noticing extreme fear.
4. Get clear on your values and get curious around how they may be being manipulated through the aforementioned coercion.
5. Give yourself permission to leave the room.

For those who love someone that’s stuck in the wrong room:

1. Approach them from the place of seeing them – their values, their fears, etc.
2. Know it’s okay to have boundaries with them.

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, walked through the wrong door - but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we get some freedom and fly.

Life can be really, really hard sometimes. Trauma. Betrayal. Gaslighting… fear, pain, abandonment… it can be immobilizing. It’s not surprising that these things can (and often do) lead to depression. I remember being in some pretty dark places after the discovery of my ex’s deviant sexual behaviors – especially in the early days.

One thing that I learned, quickly, that had the possibility to bring me out of those depths of despair, was laughter. Cultivating experiences where we can laugh and/or feel joy is often overlooked and not truly understood. So today, I’ve invited Dr. Jessica Lamar onto the pod to talk about why these things are so important for us.

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help specifically around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website, where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting.

My guest today is Dr. Jessica Lamar, Co-Founder and Director of Business Development and Strategy at the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center (BTRC) in Seattle, WA.

Story Time: Sarah and Jessica geek out about the science behind laughter and smiling, talk about the difference between faking it til you make it and toxic positivity, and share tips on how to nurture laughter and joy.

Top Take-Aways:

1. Start small and safe
2. Be intentional/choose to give yourself opportunities to laugh/find joy
3. Look out for toxic positivity by being aware of "but" vs "and" (you want to be using the "and").

If you'd like to follow Dr. Jessica Lamar and the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center (BTRC), you can do so on Instagram where you can sign up for the email list, find resources, and learn more about their intensives.

I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform. I’m on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. 

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

Along my journey of deconstructing and unpacking all the ways gaslighting had impacted me throughout my life, there’s one key lesson that, if I hadn’t learned, I don’t think I’d ever have found the ability to stay connected to my authentic self, nor live from the place of authentic power. That lesson can be summed up in these three words: sacred self-responsibility.

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, this month, while summer is in full swing, I’ve ventured away from exclusively gaslighting-themed topics, and instead am bringing topics that will help you fill your toolbelt. If you are looking for help specifically around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website.

Bio: My guest today is Bethany Ellen. Bethany is an award-winning mentor, best-selling author, and founder of Permission Granted.

Story Time: Sarah and Bethany get into the details of what sacred self-responsibility is, and how we can learn to ride the swings of the pendulum and come back to our authentic self by leaning into our core values.

Top Take-Aways:

1. Check in with yourself, specifically regarding "Villian/Victim". Am I making myself the victim or villain, or is someone else trying to convince me that I am the victim/villain?
2. Use the concept of the grandfather clock pendulum and be curious about the extremes of compliance & defiance.
3. Give yourself permission to be on a journey towards sacred self-responsibility, starting with simply getting curious about what responsibility means, then moving into what do you want to be responsible for/whom to, and then moving into owning that "sacred" aspect of using self-responsibility to help you step into "wholeness".

If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to live from a place of sacred self-responsibility, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.

I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

If you'd like to follow Bethay, you can do so on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. AND, if you'd like to get any of her Masterclasses (they are SO good!), you can use the coupon code: PODCASTSarah to get 50% off ANY masterclass Bethany has in her store (live in a few weeks).

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.