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Types of AA Meetings

Open/ClosedMale/FemaleBig BookStepSpeakerDiscussionCombo

What is a relapse? 

Stages of Relapse = TRIGER(Emotional) – THOUGHT(Mental) – CRAVING (Physical) – USE

Like it or not, the first stage of relapse is emotional, so in order for us to become more aware of the warning we need to understand our feelings and emotions a little better.

We may believe it’s impossible to understand, predict or control our emotional responses to people or events, however, feelings and emotions are not magical.  They are part of being human and we can learn how to Think about our feelings in a way that makes it less likely that we will be Ruled by what we feel.

Feelings

Learning to “deal” with feelings.Accepting they are normal.Understanding that thoughts or ideas may influence feelings.Talking about it helps.Most people will gladly express their Opinions and Thoughts on a subject, but not their Feelings or Emotions.As a society it seems we have learned that feelings and emotions should be suppressed and denied.Don’t get mad.There’s no reason to be upset.Don’t be a cry baby.Calm down.You shouldn’t feel that way.The inability to recognize and identify our feelings can cause problems.Effects our ability to communicate honestly and assertively with people.When we don’t have an avenue for dealing with our feelings openly, we may attempt to “medicate” those feelings that trouble us with drugs and alcohol.Medication wears off, but the feelings remain.What are Feelings and emotions?Physical ResponsesSweaty palms, increased blood pressure, increased adrenaline, and blood sugar (Fight or Flight)Many emotions have similar physical characteristics. Angry/EmbarrassedNeed to be able to ask “what am I feeling right now” we can become aware of a physical response to a situation.Nonverbal ResponsesWe communicate most of what we are feeling NonverballyGestures, facial expressions, tone, loudness, eye contact, distanceIn order to communicate effectively, it’s important to be aware of how we communicate nonverbally.  Nonverbal communication is often more powerful and believed more than the wordsYour upset… NO I AM NOT!When there is confusion between what you are saying, and your body language people go with the body language.Feelings have a physical side; in that we can feel them in our bodies.We also communicate feelings with our bodies, whether we are aware of doing so or not.Nonverbal communication is one of the most important ways we communicate.Awareness of these things is the first step in learning to use our feelings constructively.Pay attention to what your body tells you, especially wen it comes to uncomfortable feelings like anger, jealousy, resentment, anxiety.Awareness gives you a tool to use for taking some deep beaths to calm down.Also pay attention to the things you do to communicate your feelings without words.

It may not be fair, but we have turned certain body languages into signs of us drinking.Eye contactNot getting things doneCouchIt’s important to realize the impact that certain thoughts and ideas may have on our feelings and emotional states.Important to learn to recognize ideas and Thinking Patterns that lead to negative or uncomfortable feelings or Mind Traps.These mind traps can wear us down and keep us emotionally upset.  Often we may not even realize our thinking is causing bad feelings.Example if I create a mind trap that says I MUST ALWAYS BE LIKED BY EVERYONE I MEET IN LIFE, then I have set myself us for a lot of negative and unhappy feelings. It’s not realistic to think everyone in the world MUST like me and as long as I carry that idea around in my head, (mind trap) I’ll be disappointed and unhappy on a regular basis.

Mid Traps, or unrealistic thinking patterns, can threaten recovery efforts because of the emotional turmoil they produce.One solution is to learn to challenge these Mind Traps...

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Show Notes

Family Trip – Glensheen MansionI believe there is a marketing OpportunityIf you do the research I think you can pretty much conclude who did it, but I am not going to get into that since this is not a murder mystery Podcast although if I could figure out a way to tie those together I definitely would.However, I’ll tie it together in this way Sobriety could use a bit of a marketing campaign as well.I think for those starting out they look at it as loosing somethingWe need to start looking at it as gaining so much more.First you need to get through that first year.All the studies will show that if you can make it a year the chances you stay sober go way up.  Why is this?A lot of the research will say that your brain starts to reset and not think about it anymore.I also think you get past all the firsts that can be hardFirst work tripFirst Happy HourFirst VacationFirst BirthdayFirst XmasFirst MeetingBut how do we do this?24 hours at a timeAll you need to do is string 365 24-hour periods togetherI have already talked aboutMeetingsSponsorWorking the stepsToday I am going to focus on a few more ideasTechnically one day at a time is a tool, but I’m going to talk about how to get through 24 hours.

There is a book by AA called Living Sober – I’ve become a little addicted to books written before I was born. This book was written in 1975

Because you find things like

“…Treatment primarily involves not drinking…” American Medical AssociationI like this book because it’s written by AA, not doctors.People with experience.  They don’t know why things work; they just now that they do.Of course, there are doctor’sBill W and Dr. Bob – Founders of AABill was a BusinessmanManaged to stay sobor 5 mos. by helping others (12th step) he traveled to Akron for a meeting that didn’t go his way.After he felt compelled to drink, but instead he searched out another alcoholic to talk to and found Dr. Bob.  May 15th, 1935, first AA meeting.Dr Bob was still an active alcoholic, but never drank againTook 4 years to put together 100 former alcoholics to write the Big Book.Maybe I’ll do a more informative podcast on that…Eating or drinking something – usually, sweetThis booklet is based on our own personal experiences, rather than on scientific reports.  So, we cannot explain precisely, in technical terms, why this should be so. We can only pass on the word that thousands of us - even many who said they had never liked sweets – have found that eating or drinking something sweet allays the urge to drink.Arnie PalmerI was a Diet Coke drinker – I moved back to Regular Coke, and now on to Coke Zero because … that’s healthierI like ice cream all of a sudden.

Anyone can quick drinking.  I’ve done it lots of times. How do we Live Sober?

Play the Tape ForwardQuins Story

Getting ActiveIt is very hard just to sit still trying not to do a certain thing, or not even to think about it.  It’s much easier to get active and do something else.What to do with all this time on our hands we had once spent planning, getting our drinks, drinking, recovering…Substituting a new and different activity is easier than just stopping the old activity and putting nothing in its placeVacationActive in AANot going to say much about this other than this is a good step for those that are on the fence about being an alcoholic too.Don’t worry sitting at, and observing, AA. Meetings does not make you an alcoholic, or an AA Member, any more than sitting in a hen house makes you a hen.Not required to do anythingActive out of AATaking walksEddieReadingNot a big fan, but I do it for the podcastGoing to museumsUsually don’t but… GleensheenStarting on long-neglected choresI just moved instead, but may be good for youTrying a new hobbyGrilling/CookingYouTubeSomething that takes a lot of time and seems out of your league (bacon)PodcastSober HouseRevisiting an old pastimepuzzlesT...

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Show Notes

Today we discussed:Love Songs for Angry Men, the opening band for the podcastthe similarities between AA and NAAn audio book I listened to this week that didn't quite pan outHow it workshow finding an easier softer way does not work

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Show Notes

When I started this podcast one of the things I wanted to do was to chronicle my journey so that others just starting out could benefit from my experience, which admittedly started at Zero

When Anybody asks me How I am doing this I answer them all the say way.

Go to meetingsGet a sponsorWork the steps

And for me, that is the order.

I started going to meetings right out of treatmentIt took me a few meetings before I found my sponsorNot long after that we started working the steps.

Over the past few weeks, we have been meeting, working the steps, and I am now starting Step 8

Step 4 – PodcastToday 5-7Only 1 mentions alcohol

On Sunday I attended a new Big Book meeting, my first, and the reading was The Man who mastered Fear.

I then went to Church and the topic was Build a great defense to offence

Cannot be offended it you see it coming.Being offended is like a trap.  Don’t get stuck in it. Step over it.Week begore Judging others – Don’t make assumptions.Don’t be offended – Never take things personally.

What is the common denominator?  Humility

Best time to plant an oak tree… 15 years ago.  Second best? Today.

All of this ties to Steps 5-7

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of CharacterHumbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings

Today I am going to pick up at Steps 5-7I’m going to start with a quick recap of the steps.I know most people listening are either very familiar with them, or can easily look them up online, so as I go through them I’m going to add the Spiritual Principle of each, which people may be less familiar with12 Steps for Concrete ThinkersThe Secular 12 StepsAgnostic AA 12 StepsOnly the 1st step mentions alcohol or addictionMore evidence of this being an Exclusive Club which everyone could benefit from.

Each of the 12 steps contains a Spiritual Principle

HonestyHopeFaithCourageIntegrityWillingnessHumilityCompassionJusticePerseveranceSpiritual AwarenessService

Step 5 – Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.Key phrase – To another human beingAll Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires… They will deflate our egosFew Steps can be harder to take than Five, but scarcely any Step is more necessary to long-term sobriety and peach of mind than this one.AA has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them.We have to talk to somebody about them.So intense is our fear and reluctance to do this, that many people at first try to bypass Step Five.We search for an easier softer wayWhich usually consists of the general and fairly painless admission that when drinking we were sometimes bad actors.  Then we add dramatic descriptions of that part of our behavior, which our friends probably know about anyhow.But of the things that really bother and burn us we say nothingFew things have caused us more trouble than holding back on Step 5Some people are unable to stay soberOthers relapse periodically until they REALLY clean houseOldtimers, sober for years, often pay dearly for skimping on this StepSuffer Irritability, anxiety, remorse, and depressionThey discovered that relief never came by confessing the sins of another.  Everybody had to confess his own.It seems plain that the grace of God will not enter to expel our destructive obsessions until we are willing to try this.What are we likely to receive from Step 5… we shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolation we’ve always had.Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by lonelinessWhen we found AA, and for the first time in our lives stood among people who seemed to understand (our Tribe) the sense of belonging was tremendously excitingWe thought the isolation proble...

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A lot of what I am going to cover comes from It’s OK that you’re not OK by Megan Devine. 

This is not going to be a deep dive, so I encourage you all to buy and read the book (Website).I also want to point out that this is a book about the loss of a loved one. I fully understand that admitting I am an alcoholic is not the same as my wife drowning in front of me, but this is a book about loss, and I have experienced loss.This shitty disease took from me the person I used to be.  The same way finding out you have cancer changed your life from that point on.I happen to like the person I have become, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard and I also understand that others may be having a much harder time dealing with it.This book can be used for all kinds of loss, and it does it a disservice if it is type casted as a book for only those who have lost someone.Not all losses are created equal.  The loss of a child is different than the loss of a grandparent the same way the loss of who you used to be is different.I also want to state, that this episode is not just for you. A good part of this episode is for your friends and family.  I’ve never done this before, but if you feel it would help I would ask that you ask your friends and family to listen to this episode.  Hell, I actually feel most of my episodes would be good for anyone to listen to, but I am hoping these helps alleviate some stress for you too.

I’m going to break this episode down into 4 parts that loosely follow the book.

You’ve admitted you an alcoholic, now what (coming to terms)Sometimes shit just sucks!A message for Friends and familyThe way forward with your tribe.

First a little bit about Megan Devine.

She was a counselor for over a decadeIn 2009 she watched her partner drown just before his 30th birthday.After she wanted to call all of her clients and apologize for her ignoranceNothing could have prepared her, and nothing she had learned mattered.

You’ve admitted you’re an alcoholic, now what?

Reality of loss sets inEverything is different nowNothing makes senseYour life was normal, but now it is anything butNothing feels realYour mind cannot stop replaying events to try make senseBecause you feel crazy doesn’t make you crazyThere is only so much you can absorb at a timeWe need to know how to live hereLittle land minesYou don’t just loose the present, you lose the future you should have hadTrips to the grocery storeNo wonder grief is so exhaustingIt’s not the actual pain of loss it’s the sheer number of tiny things to be avoided or planned for.The need to just not talkSmart people have started to try take away your painWhat the outside world believes and what you know to be true can be the hardest partWondering if others are nuts or if you are too sensitive adds another layer of stressThere really is something not comforting in the ways people are trying to comfort youPeople are saying the sweetest things, why does this make you angryEveryone has their opinionIn early recovery you feel crazy, but it’s the culture that is crazy.  It’s not you it’s usOur views on grief are almost all negative.  Something to be taken away.There is no room for your pain to just existMaybe you feel aloneWhat does matter is that you are not alone feeling the world had failed you

Suicide

Surviving early grief is a massive effortWhat to do when the pain is too much?Not wanting to be alive is different than wanting to be deadIt’s hard to tell none grieving people that.You simply don’t careNeed to find a way to get through these momentsMake a pact with another alcoholicRemind yourself of the consequences – Play the tape forwardAnything to get through these times.Please stay alive! Do it for others if you must.Please reach out for help. Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-TALK (8255)Acknowledgement is the only form of medicine that works

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I had so much fun hearing Kelly's story! I look forward to having her back again soon!

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The AA Promises:

Promise 1: We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

Promise 2: We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

Promise 3: We will comprehend the word serenity.

Promise 4: We will know peace.

Promise 5: No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

Promise 6: The feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

Promise 7: We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Promise 8: Self-seeking will slip away.

Promise 9: Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Promise 10: Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.

Promise 11: We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

Promise 12: We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

What do the Promises mean?

The Big Book's Promises mostly describe the change in attitude that will transpire within the alcoholic, "sometimes quickly, and sometimes slowly." They may take time, but they "will always materialize if we work for them."

A person working a good program to recover from alcoholism will surely experience an internal shift that produces a new level of peace and well-being. Readers of the Big Book will notice the following words emphasized in these Promises, found in chapter 6, that represent the central benefits and primary purposes of recovery:

FreedomHappinessPeaceSerenityBenefit to others

Simultaneously, the Big Book promises the departure of these unwelcome byproducts of alcoholism:

FearRegretFeelings of uselessnessSelf-pitySelfishness and self-seeking

So the Promises are two-fold: the person who works a good program will gain a spiritual foundation and a whole new outlook on life, and the dread and negativity of alcoholism will be undone.

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Update – Part of the point of this podcast to is to share with others my journey.  Today is mostly going to be about that, which happens to be step 4.

Go to a lot of meetings.Network to find other meetings and new friends.Find a home meeting.Got a sponsor.Staying connected.Calling people from the meeting/treatment.Meeting Each Friday (The meeting before and after the meeting (fellowship))Going out to dinner.Treated like rock stars for some reason.Know our names what we drink.We are good tippers, but our bills are half of what they used to be, so that can’t be it.We feel there is a stigma of telling people I’m an alcoholic, but as much as I know there is one I’m also here to say in a lot of cases there isn’t one.Changing my status on LinkedIn.I sat there for a long time before I hit enter.

Taking someone up on offer to go to a new meeting.Sunday night meetingGoing to a meeting vs. getting out of a meeting.“I” statements (I’m working on my Twitter posts) Harder than I had thought.Had to start this podcase over about 5 times.My sponsor says it is important or I wouldn’t let it bother me.Reading the big book.Read it in Haz, but different perspective with sponsor.Starting Step 4 – Not for everyone, and this is my first time doing one.I feel great, but as we all knowCunningBafflingPowerfulPatient

Step 4 - “Made a searching and FEARLESS moral inventory of ourselves.”

If you go to treatment you will probably leave on step 3.For those who get hung up it almost always is going to be on step 3.“Made a decision to turn out will and our lives over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM.”We have instincts for a reasonFind a partnerReproduceProvide foodSecure shelterAll are necessary, but often far exceed their proper function.Powerfully, blindly, and subtly they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives.When out of joint, cause us great trouble.No human, however good, is exempt. (We are part of an exclusive club)Cause is misdirected instinct.Step 4 is a vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what these liabilities in each of us have been/are.How, when, where our natural desires have misguided us the unhappiness this caused others and ourselves.How do I go about this step?Start with one and do a deep dive to discuss with my sponsor.The 12x12 gives examples of the questions I may need to answer. sex, power, wealth.Anytime a person imposes his instincts unreasonably upon others, unhappiness follows.Wealth/security (material & emotional)SexPrestige/powerCan produce anything from a cold shoulder to a blazing revolutionWe will see those instincts running wild are the underlying cause of destructive drinkingWe have drank to:Drown feelings of fear, frustration, and depressionEscape the guilt of passionFor vainglory that we may enjoy foolish dreams of pomp and power. (1953)If we try conquering this step on our own it can lead down a nasty worm hole.Depression can lead to guilt and self-loathingGrandiosity leads us to solely blaming the drinking for any defectI quit drinking, so obviously everything else will take care of itself.If I was a pretty nice person before the drinking why do I need a moral inventory now that I am sober?We believe our behavior was cased by other people. People who really need a moral inventory.  This is on them.This is why this step is done with our sponsor.They have done this step before, and they can guide us.As soon as the newcomer begins to be more objective, the newcomer will fearlessly, rather than fearfully, look at his own defects.Majority of AA members have suffered severely form self-justification during drinking days.Self-justification is the maker of excuses and all kinds of damaging conduct.We had to drink because:Times were hard or times were good.At home we were smothered with love, or got none at all.We were a great success or dismal failures.We had won a ward or lost a peace.

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Show Notes

The Next three agreements are born from the first agreement.

Don’t take anything personally!

Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally.This is easier said than done.  As humans we take everything personally.If we remember back to the 1st agreement… if I walk up to someone on the street and call them stupid that is on me, not them.If someone says the same to us and you take it personally it’s because you agree with what the person has said and as soon as you agree the poison goes through you and you are trapped in the dream of hell.What cases us to become trapped is called Personal Importance or taking it personally.This is the maximum expression of selfishness because we assume everything is about me.Even if someone ran up to you on the street and shot you that has nothing to do with you.  That is on them.  They don’t know you.  They are obviously dealing with some issues, but it has nothing to do with you.During our upbringing we learn to take everything personally.  Everything revolves around us. Me, me, me!Nothing anyone does if because of you.  It is always because of them.Everyone lives in their own dream.  They live in a completely different world.When we take something personally we assume they know what’s in our world.Even when a situation seems very personal and someone insults you directly, it has nothing to do with you.What they say, what they do, and the opinions they have are all based on their agreements.  Their point of view comes from their upbringing.Even if someone gives you their opinion… (that is all it is, their opinion) and say, “you look fat” Do Not Take It Personally.That person is obviously dealing with something themselves and they are trying to send you emotional poison.  If you take it personally then it becomes yours.Taking things personally makes you an easy target for these kinds of peopleHowever, if you don’t agree with it and do not take it personally then you become immune to this kind of garbage and the hell that comes with it.Immunity to poison and the hell it creates is the gift of this agreement.When you take things personally you will feel offended, and your natural reaction will be to defend yourself based on your beliefs.You make something big out of something so little because you have to be right and everyone else has to be wrong and so you start giving your opinions.Remember your opinions are from your personal dream and your agreements.  They have nothing to do with the other person, so stop trying to spread them.Say to yourself “It is not important what you think about me, and I don’t take what you think personally.”I don’t take it personally when someone says, “you’re the best” and I don’t take it personally when you say, “you’re the worst”.  I just know that when people are happy they tend to say nice things and when they are angry then tend to say mean things.  Neither are of my concern.I know what I am and that is all that matters to me!I don’t take it personally.  Whatever you think, whatever you feel, I know that is your problem and not mine.  It is the way you see the world.  It is not personal because you are dealing with yourself and not me.If someone’s words do truly hurt you it is not the words they have said to you.  It is because you have an unresolved wound that you need to work on.  Their words did not hurt you, what it stirred up inside you.Anyone’s opinions are based on their truths or agreements they have made.  Not yours, so if someone gets mad at you it is on them and has nothing to do with you.People get mad because they are afraid and dealing with fear.  If you are not afraid hate, jealousy and sadness slip away.If you live without fear there is no place for these emotions to build up and if you don’t let these emotions take root you will feel good.  All the time!Everything will make you happy and you will love everything around yo...

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Welcome to the HammeredRecovery Podcast. In this episode we discussed:

I don’t think there has been a book that has changed my life more then this one.  I can tell you that my kids are absolutely sick of me quoting The Four Agreements.

The Four Agreements

Be Impeccable with Your WordDon’t Take Anything PersonallyDon’t Make AssumptionsAlways do your best

But before we get to the four agreements we need to understand where they come from.

The Toltec

Anthropologists have spoken of the Toltec as a nation or a race, but in fact, the Toltec were scientists and artists who formed a society to explore a conserve the spiritual knowledge and practices of the ancient ones.Naguals (NA’WAL) – Masters (Spirits, Witch doctors, Shaman)Forced to conceal their knowledge so it wasn’t used for personal gain from those who were not prepared to use it wisely.Passed down through generations of Naguals.Veiled in secrecy for hundreds of years, but ancient prophecies foretold the coming of an age when it would be necessary to return to the people.Don Miguel Ruiz, Nagual form the Eagle Knight lineage has been guided to share the powerful teachings.

IT GETS PRETTY DEEP IN THE FIRST COUPLE CHAPTERS

It starts off with The Smokey Mirror which explains where the agreements come from.One of the Toltec studying to become a medicine man felt there must be something more.One day as he slept in a cave, he saw himself sleeping and came out to look at the stars.Transformed his life forever, “I am made of light; the stars are made of light” “Everything is made of light”.He called the light Tonal and the space in between the light Nagual and he knew what created harmony between the two was Life or Intent.We are all just mirrors reflecting light.  Everything in existence is a manifestation of one living being we call God (Higher Power).You do not need to believe in God to see Light as a higher power.Everything we see is a reflection of light.  He had a hard time explaining this to others.  They could tell he changed but couldn’t see the change.  They started to think of him as a God, which he acknowledged, but explained “we are all God as we are reflections of each other” Everyone is a mirror.  He saw himself in them, but they could not see themselves in him.Everyone is dreaming, but without awareness.  They couldn’t see him as themselves because they were full of fog and smoke between the mirrors.He didn’t want to forget what he learned, so he called himself the Smokey Mirror.  The smoke is the dream and mirror is the dreamer.

Domestication and the Dream of the Planet

“What you are seeing and hearing right now is nothing but a dream.  You are dreaming right now in this moment. You are dreaming with the brain awake.”

You can literally believe we are all dreaming, or think of it as how we are just coasting through life

Society’s dream – the dream of the planetThis dream is the collective of dream of billions of smaller, personal dreams

These are basically life lessons or rules we have learned growing up

We are born a blank slate with the capacity to dreamWe are then taught society’s dream.We learn how to behave, what to believe, what not to believe, what is acceptable and not acceptable, good/bad, beautiful/ugly, right/wrong.You didn’t choose what language to speak, you didn’t choose your moral values.As children we didn’t have the opportunity to choose our beliefs, but we agreed with the information passed down.  If we don’t agree, we don’t store that information.As soon as we agree, we believe and that is called faith.  To have faith is to believe unconditionally.That is how we learn.We become a copy of Mom and Dad, then we learn the word NO.We form a belief system “The book of law”.With out question, whatever is in the book of law, is our truth.We start to judge everybody and everything by our book of law.The Judge rules all.