Han and Matt Know It All

We have too many opinions to keep to ourselves! There's a new advice column for us to love, Listener Hub ideas a-brewin', and so many unwanted boners! Stick around:

1. Bonus 1: Another New Feminist Advice Column: "#AskCam";
   • "Navigating Emotional Labor and Anti-Blackness in Relationships";
2. Bonus 2: Listener Hub Thoughts for hannahandmattknowitall.com;
   1. Listener Leaderboard for questions and requests we use;
   2. Listener Magic Card renderings;
   3. Listener Cat (and occasional dog) pictures;
   4. What would you like to see in a Listener Hub? Let us know!
3. Bonus 3: Let Us Sex-Plain: "How Do I Stop My Partner from Waking Me up at 5 Am Every Morning for Sex?";
4. And finally, Listener Ruby Bloodstorm asks: "Is There Any Compromising With My Spouse Who Wants Sex at a Very Different Frequency Than I Do?";

I'm a cis hetero female married to a cis hetero male. We've been married for two years, together for three. Our sex life is great, except for the frequency. We have the same kinks, we have a rich fantasy life, and we both enjoy exploring the same 'new stuff.' When we have sex it's awesome and we're both satisfied. The problem is that I would be fine with having sex around once a week (sometimes less), while my husband would prefer sex 1-2 times per day. The past couple of months have thrown this discrepancy into a harsh light. My father was sick with cancer for two years before finally passing away in the Spring and I was one of his primary caregivers. I also started a new job with crazy hours (upwards of 80-90 hours), and only one day off per week. My husband owns his own business and has always had a crazy schedule. So we're lacking an abundance of available sexy time.

As an anxious person, it can be extremely difficult for me to get out of my own head enough to enjoy and be an active participant, especially in the past four months. For my husband, sex is a great stress reliever. In his weaker moments, he says that he's worried I don't find him attractive anymore or don't love him as much as I used to (not true). In my weaker moments, I tell him that he's only interested in me for sex and doesn't care about me as a person (also not true). I encourage him to masturbate and use porn as he desires, we've always watched porn in our sex life and we both watch it individually. He does that, and it helps, but he would obviously rather have sex with me. We're both happily monogamous, except for this current issue, and truly the rest of our marriage is great. We saw a premarital counselor and are trying to set-up appointments with them again (see crazy schedules above). What advice do you have for us to overcome this impasse? We're both doing our best but we just can't compromise on this.

Submit your favorite questions or questions you may have for the podcast to [email protected], anonymously at bit.ly/askhanandmatt, or to [email protected] for a Han-only written answer on hanandmattknowitall.com.

Looking to support us? Desperately in need of a fantastical alter-ego? You can become a Patreon supporter and donate to us monthly for all kinds of sweet perks!

In a very special episode, Hannah and Matt tackle EIGHT questions entirely from their listeners—with an exclusive HaMKIA recorded response to a cat-related question from Way of Cat's Pamela Merritt!!—including:

1. Listener Confused Sister: "My Teenage Brother Is Sending Nudes Via Text; Should I In Any Way Intervene?";
2. Listener Large Marge: "Am I, An Aspiring Cop, Being Too Harsh About My Boyfriend's Marijuana Use?";
3. Listener Confused in California: "I Don't Identify With Christianity, So How Do I Get Out of Celebrating Christmas With My Family?";
   • MBMBaM: Candlenights;
4. Listener Nancy: "My Mother Has Been Living With Me and My Husband for 10 Years and I Want Her To Move Out";
5. Listener Meg, Herald of Storms: "What Can I Do About My Roommates Who Won't Clean Up After Themselves?";
6. Listener Chaos Sunrise: "How Do I Handle the Jealousy of My Cats Possibly Liking My Roommate More Than Me?";
   • Dear Pammy;
7. Listener Zelda: "What Do I Do About My Intense Crush For Someone Who Doesn't Like Me Back?";
8. Listener Fearful for Frida: "As a White Person, Is There a Respectful Way for Me to Dress Up as Frida Kahlo for Halloween?";

Submit your favorite questions or questions you may have for the podcast to [email protected], anonymously at bit.ly/askhanandmatt, or to [email protected] for a Han-only written answer on hanandmattknowitall.com.

Looking to support us? Desperately in need of a fantastical alter-ego? You can become a Patreon supporter and donate to us monthly for all kinds of sweet perks!

Hannah and Matt tackle questions from some of their favorite advice sources from the week of October 1st, 2017, and beyond, including:

1. Ask Amy: "Height Isn't This Dating Misfit's Only Challenge";
   • NY Post: Why I won't date hot Women Anymore;
2. r/relationships: "Me [26F] with my BF [almost 31M]. We split all bills but I'm stressing out about how far the 'equality' thing carries over.";
3. Dear Prudence: "Breast Job Getting in the Way of Wedding!";
4. Ask APW: "How Do I Address My Invites for Our Polyamorous Wedding Guests?";
5. Listener Miri Sondosia: "What's a Good Smartphone Policy To Ensure That My Partner and I Spend More Quality Time Together?";

Submit your favorite questions or questions you may have for the podcast to [email protected], anonymously at bit.ly/askhanandmatt, or to [email protected] for a Han-only written answer on hanandmattknowitall.com.

Looking to support us? Desperately in need of a fantastical alter-ego? You can become a Patreon supporter and donate to us monthly for all kinds of sweet perks!

We have too many opinions to keep to ourselves! Questions and updates and praises (oh my!), so we have no choice but to Opinion Overflow you. Brace yourselves:

1. Bonus 1: "Ask A Manager: I Ghosted My Ex, and She's About to Be My New Boss";
   • This is an update to the world's most notorious ghoster as introduced by Ask A Manager, whom we talked about in Hannah and Matt Patronize Their Friends;
2. Bonus 2: A very lovely shout-Out to us from Ask a Manager Commentor "advicelover";
3. Bonus 3: New Feminist Advice Column: "Dear Comrade Femme";
   • Email [email protected] and put "Dear Comrade Femme" in the title;
4. And finally, Listener Vivian Starmonger asks: "Who's Right About Masturbating at Work: Savage Love or Ask A Manager?";
   • Dan Savage: "With Eli Finkel, Author of "the All-Or-Nothing Marriage."" (28:25);
   • Ask A Manager: "I Keep Finding My Coworker in a Compromising Position … with Himself" (letter No. 3);
   • Ask A Manager: "I Keep Finding My Coworker in a Compromising Position … with Himself";

Submit your favorite questions or questions you may have for the podcast to [email protected], anonymously at bit.ly/askhanandmatt, or to [email protected] for a Han-only written answer on hanandmattknowitall.com.

Looking to support us? Desperately in need of a fantastical alter-ego? You can become a Patreon supporter and donate to us monthly for all kinds of sweet perks!

Hannah and Matt tackle questions from some of their favorite advice sources from the week of September 24th, 2017, and beyond, including:

1. Ask A Manager: "The Men in My Office Keep Having All-Male Outings!";
2. Miss Manners: "How Do I Politely Cut Ties with My Hairdresser?";
3. Dear Prudence: "Bull in a China Cupboard";
   • Social Q's: "Broke a Glass, Got an Invoice";
4. Sense and Sensitivity: "Parents Doubt Son's Talent";
   • HuffPo: "Liberal Arts Is the Foundation for Professional Success in the 21st Century";
5. Listener Mist Wanderer: "How Do I Respond to People Who Share Personal Tragedies After I Tell Them I'm Pregnant?";
   • Garfunkel and Oates: "Pregnant Women are Smug: The Official Video";

Submit your favorite questions or questions you may have for the podcast to [email protected], anonymously at bit.ly/askhanandmatt, or to [email protected] for a Han-only written answer on hanandmattknowitall.com.

Looking to support us? Desperately in need of a fantastical alter-ego? You can become a Patreon supporter and donate to us monthly for all kinds of sweet perks!

In today's overflowing of opinions, we cover three wedding-related questions that didn't quite fit into Monday's bridal party-themed episode:

1. Ask APW: "My Future MIL Is Calling Me a "Practice Wife"";
2. Dear Prudence: "Fiancé Worried My Genes Will Affect His Son's "Package"";
3. And finally, Listener Grumpy asks:

I gave my fiancée a non-traditional custom designed Hawaiian Wedding Ring (aka: Hawaiian Heirloom Jewelry) as an engagement ring earlier this year. It is basically a fancy scroll design on a metal band without a gemstone.

I've been designing and having my Jeweler create a unique Three-stone Diamond Ring with a diamond cushion around the main stone, and channel diamonds in the band.

My intention was to give her the new diamond ring on the day of our wedding; and let her be able to chose which ring she wants to wear depending on her activities (as each is to be worn by itself).

She claims the "diamond ring should be given to her now since it is usually a diamond engagement ring. She said I don't understand engagement etiquette.

I think since neither ring is the traditional two-piece engagement/wedding set; I prefer to wait until the day of our wedding to put this very fancy diamond ring on her finger.

I want to follow etiquette for non-traditional rings; but I'll be rammed if I can find anything on the subject!

What would you say the proper etiquette is in this situation?

Submit your favorite questions or questions you may have for the podcast to [email protected], anonymously at bit.ly/askhanandmatt, or to [email protected] for a Han-only written answer on hanandmattknowitall.com.

Looking to support us? Desperately in need of a fantastical alter-ego? You can become a Patreon supporter and donate to us monthly for all kinds of sweet perks!

In a special wedding-themed episode, Hannah and Matt tackle bridal party-related questions from some of their favorite advice sources from the week of September 17th, 2017, and beyond, including:

1. BONUS: Teen Vogue: "Chili's Is Giving Out Helpful Advice on Twitter, and the Internet Loves It";
2. Dear Prudence: "Daughter's Friend Being in Wedding";
3. Ask APW: "My Cousin Just Fat Shamed Me over a Bridesmaid Dress";
4. r/relationships: "I just found out I'm [28F] pregnant. I am due 4 weeks before my friends [26F] wedding. Not sure when/how to tell her I need to drop.";
5. Ask A Manager: "My Friend Wants to List Maid of Honor on Her Résumé";
6. Listener Mary, Veiled Reckoner: "How Do I Ensure That My Family Doesn't Invite My Abusive Ex To My Wedding?";
7. BONUS 2: PodcastPodcast: "Ep 33 THE Hannah and Matt Are Here! | "She has gas, it's disgusting." | Revisiting Tapas Bullshit";

On Wednesday's episode, three more wedding-related questions that didn't quite fit in with the bridal party theme are discussed!

Submit your favorite questions or questions you may have for the podcast to [email protected], anonymously at bit.ly/askhanandmatt, or to [email protected] for a Han-only written answer on hanandmattknowitall.com.

Looking to support us? Desperately in need of a fantastical alter-ego? You can become a Patreon supporter and donate to us monthly for all kinds of sweet perks!

We have too many opinions to keep to ourselves! That is, we have too many questions and we'd like to answer more of them, so that's why you're getting Opinion Overflow. Whether you want it or not.

1. Bonus 1: 'Ask the Sexpert,' a documentary about Dr. Mahinder Watsa, is screening at Bertha DocHouse on Saturday, September 23rd in London. Watch the trailer and get tickets for the screening here!;
   • HuffPost: "What India Is Asking Its Most Popular Sexpert, Dr Mahinder Watsa";
2. Bonus 2: Reminder: we're unable to interact with you to ask for more details if you send us a question through our bitly link! If you're uncertain whether you've provided enough details, it's best to email us directly at [email protected].;
3. Bonus 3: A very lovely listener, Melody Heartfinder, offered to send some noise-canceling headphones to Listener Paige who you may remember from Overflows #5 and #7. This is wonderful! But we don't have Paige's contact information, since she reached out to us anonymously. Alas.;
4. And finally, Listener Machete Alice asks:

My boyfriend (28) of eight months and I (24) are an amazing fit for each other in every way, and we comment frequently on how neither of us realized it was even possible to find someone out there who would be such a perfect partner and make relationships feel so easy. We communicate so well, we intentionally "have disagreements" rather than "arguments," and the only two things we've ever fought over are politics (I'm far left/pro-Hillary; he's FARRR left/pro-Bernie* [note: he voted for Hillary in the general!]) and UFOs.

So we've decided to move in together in January. I currently live with my mom (ugh) since I moved back home after graduation, and he lives in a small(ish) city 45 minutes away with dirt-cheap rent (so cheap that offends me as a former Boston and DC renter), where he does stand-up comedy. We're both poor af, but that situation will gradually improve after I get a job in The New City and he saves up money from his shows.

Here's what I want to know: What tips/tricks/advice do you have - whether financial, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, or otherwise - to give us the best shot at making this big step in our relationship work? For more context: we're monogamous; he's a sensitive introvert and I'm a very talkative, unfiltered extrovert; he has a lot of close friends in the city but I left most of my friends behind in Boston (I get along with his friends, though); I'm taking out a small personal loan (size TBD) to cover initial rent/food/transportation costs before I get a job; we both have depression, anxiety, and ADHD, he has had a bit of an anger problem in the past, and I have binge eating disorder (we both have therapists, but I'll be leaving mine behind when I move); we both have digestive problems, although his are much worse (he has Celiac Disease), and he also has fibromyalgia... I think that's all for now.

I'm not worried that something ***crazy*** will happen that will end in a breakup, but I'm realistic and realize that sometimes things just don't work out. But I'd like to avoid a preventable breakup at all costs because I love this man and every moment with him is so much fun, even if we're just lying on the floor doing nothing and complaining about our respective health problems de jour.

Any and all advice would be appreciated!

Submit your favorite questions or questions you may have for the podcast to [email protected], anonymously at bit.ly/askhanandmatt, or to [email protected] for a Han-only written answer on hanandmattknowitall.com.

Looking to support us? Desperately in need of a fantastical alter-ego? You can become a Patreon supporter and donate to us monthly for all kinds of sweet perks!

Hannah and Matt tackle questions from some of their favorite advice sources from the week of September 10th, 2017, and beyond, including:

1. Captain Awkward: "Is this relationship doomed or do I just need to put in more work?";
2. Asking for a Friend: "I'm a Marxist-Feminist Slut—How Do I Find an Open Relationship?";
3. Ask A Manager: "How Can I Balance Kids, Marriage, and a Job, When I Sometimes Have to Work in the Evening?";
4. Dear Kiki: "Should I Become a Prostitute?";
   • Jezebel: "Some Things to Consider When You Think You Want to be a Prostitute";
   • Clients From Hell;
5. Listener Kacy: "I Told My Supervisor I'm Looking to Leave, And Now I'm Getting Nudged Out of the Office Without a Backup Plan. Now What?";

Submit your favorite questions or questions you may have for the podcast to [email protected], anonymously at bit.ly/askhanandmatt, or to [email protected] for a Han-only written answer on hanandmattknowitall.com.

Looking to support us? Desperately in need of a fantastical alter-ego? You can become a Patreon supporter and donate to us monthly for all kinds of sweet perks!

Hannah and Matt interviewed the legendary Amy Dickinson of "Ask Amy" for the Monday episode and delved super extra deep into two questions from her columns that have stuck with her as well as taking on an exclusive sneak peak of a soon-to-be-published question:

1. Ask Amy (November 18th, 2013): "Parent Pressures Gay Son to Change";
   • Bonus 1: "Washington Post: Someone hoaxed Ask Amy using an old 'Seinfeld' plot";
   • Bonus 2: "AV Club: Someone trolled "Ask Amy" by pretending to be Johnny from The Room";
   • Go Pride: "Asking Amy: an interview with advice columnist Amy Dickinson";
2. Ask Amy (May 8th, 2014): "Sisterly Exclusion Makes One Sis a Horrible Person";
   • Bonus 3: "Today: After backlash, Dear Abby changes stance on gun safety etiquette for parents";
   • Bonus 4: "Feministing: Ask Amy Gives "Advice" to a Rape Victim";
   • Bonus 5: "Cosmopolitan: A New Kind of Date Rape";
   • Bonus 6: "Dear Prudence: The "Open It Up" Edition";
3. Ask Amy: "Dogless Drama in the Making";
4. Bonus 7: "Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things";

Submit your favorite questions or questions you may have for the podcast to [email protected], anonymously at bit.ly/askhanandmatt, or to [email protected] for a Han-only written answer on hanandmattknowitall.com.

Looking to support us? Desperately in need of a fantastical alter-ego? You can become a Patreon supporter and donate to us monthly for all kinds of sweet perks!