Handful of Leaves | Mindfulness & Buddhism in Everyday Life

What do you say to a loved one who is diagnosed with cancer? What would you do if you were diagnosed with cancer?

Siew Lin shares her journey of battling cancer and leading a fulfilling life.

Transcript: https://bit.ly/hol-pod-ep25

Timestamp:

(00:00): What happened before the recording

(02:49): Introduction, how it all started

(07:56): The sudden jump from stage 0 to stage 4

(10:06): Coming to accept

(11:50): How is the ideal response to a person diagnosed with cancer?

(16:55): The worst thing to say to a person with cancer

(19:31): Cancer treatment and the struggles

(22:31): One step at a time and ways of coping

(25:20): Changes in priorities and reflections

(31:22): What do you want to leave behind

(34:42): Cancer is just one chapter of your story

Resources:

Health Hub: Signs of breast cancer

Reach to Recovery: Breast cancer support group

National University Cancer Institute Singapore: Breast cancer support group

Breast Cancer support group (Malaysia)

Breast Cancer Foundation (Malaysia)

Special thanks to our sponsor for this episode

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña.

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Kar Fei coaches and grows individuals and executives into high performers in life. His life is obsessed with this question, “How can we be the best version of ourselves, and be happy and fulfilled in our lives?“.

He is part of the Hive Global Leadership Program (a community of leaders and entrepreneurs) and the Global Shapers Community by the World Economic Forum. He is also a TEDX Speaker, and a member of the Forbes Coaches council.

Transcript: https://bit.ly/hol-pod-24

(00:00) Introductions

(01:18) What does a successful relationship mean?

(07:41) The importance of intimacy, passion, and commitment in a good relationship.

(13:53) How do you find alignment when you’re so different?

(16:51) Importance of shared vision in a relationship

(21:07) The three key things in a long-term relationship - Vision, Values and Personal Traits

(27:00) Is there a right time to have kids?

(35:04) The two things that make or break communication in a relationship - Curiosity and Intention

(39:29) Practical tips for being a supportive partner

(46:37) A Buddhist perspective on Romantic Love - Anchored in Right View and Loving-Kindness

Resources: 

Book: On Love, by Ajahn Jayasaro

Book: How to love by Thich Nhat Hanh

Does Buddhism support romantic love? By Thich Nhat Hanh

Special thanks to our sponsors for this episode:

Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne

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From Childhood to Romance: The influence of our parents' relationship on our love lives.

In this episode, we discuss how much we are influenced by the relationships modelled around us, understand different attachment styles, and find the root cause of our pain. 

May, a senior psychologist also draws on her personal experiences and client stories to help us understand how our attachment wounds can manifest as relationship problems and how we can resolve them.

More about Sis May Liu: 

May Liu, a practising clinical psychologist cum caregiver, who believes in empowering lives by connecting with people. She is a mindfulness practitioner who is passionate about bringing mindfulness to families and couples. She is currently leading Seremban Sudhamma Sunday Dhamma School’s teens and children in learning the Dhamma through group work and exposure to nature.

Transcript will be out on 24th Feb: https://bit.ly/3YUyTbk

Timestamps: 

(00:00) Introductions

(03:46) Learning from relationships modelled around us

(07:35) Being aware of how it affects us

(11:03) Understanding our attachment wounds 

(16:09) Being aware of the cause-and-effect

(20:11) Sense of expectation for reciprocity

(23:02) Contentment comes from understanding the nature of things

(24:45) Understanding the narrative behind our emotions

(29:14) Navigating different patterns of attachment

(31:58) Practical advice on building stronger relationships

Resources: 

Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne

Get connected here:

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After the death of her first love, all Cynthia wanted someone to take away all the hurt and pain. She realized, though, as she sat on her floor surrounded by tissues, that she would have to find a way to do it for herself. Through this search, she found that communication was key. If she wanted to change how she lived in the world she would have to change how she interacted with it, which meant changing how she talked with others and herself.

When she learned the elements of Right Speech in Buddhism she knew she'd found her way out of suffering,

Cynthia is offering a free mini-course to our listeners. It is called Communicate with Confidence: https://www.intentionalconversations.com/intentional-communication-challenge

Transcript: https://bit.ly/hol-pod22

TimeStamp

(00:00:00) Introductions

(00:00:53) Using Right Speech and Meditation to move out of suffering

(00:06:00) Changing the way we communicate with ourselves

(00:09:18) Common communication patterns that give rise to conflict with others

(00:13:08) Being firm but compassionate in our communication

(00:16:28) Understanding our core emotions

(00:20:49) How to argue without being too demanding?

(00:26:56) How do we communicate when we have hurt others?

(00:32:20) Communicating on bigger issues

(00:37:49) Meeting in the middle

(00:40:36) Ending a difficult conversation

(00:43:01) Guided meditation

More about Cynthia and her works:

https://kanecommunicate.com/

https://cynthiakane.com/

Special thanks to our sponsors for this episode:

Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce

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We've all felt lonely at some point(s) if our lives. But why do we feel lonely? What's the opposite of loneliness? And is there a way to be alone but not feel lonely?

Find out more with our co-hosts Cheryl and Kai Xin as they chat with Heng Soon. 

About the guest

Teo Heng Soon (known as Soon in short) is a final year student at the University of Melbourne studying towards his passion of becoming a human capital consultant. Passionate about people, he has been a leader with multiple volunteer organisations like the Dyslexic Association of Singapore.

Buddhist Fellowship Youth has been his Dhamma home for 12 years. Honing his leadership skills, he has learnt to give Dhamma talks and conduct workshops and sutta discussions.

On a personal level, Soon is passionate about the arts - from Karate to Photography.

Transcript here.

Timestamp:

(02:30): Going to the temple for the girls

(04:29): Fitting in to feel less alone

(05:55): Struggles with Dyslexia, Bullying

(09:46): What’s the link between loneliness and essentialism

(15:04): Everything is Dhamma

(15:16): Kai Xin’s interpretation of Loneliness

(22:45): Running away from Loneliness

(25:39): The persistent theme of identity - “What am I?”

(27:11): Being Alone is Not a Problem?

(30:28): Suffering still won’t go away even if you’re enlightened

(31:49): Letting go doesn’t mean you own nothing; but that nothing owns you.

(35:16): Finding stillness in Seclusion: Soon’s reflection on his 2-week ordination journey

(40:44): Tips to cope with loneliness: community, cognitive diffusion.

Helpline:

National Care Helpline: 1800-202-6868

SOS 24-hour Hotlines: 1800-221-4444

SOS 4-digit hotline: 1-767

Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019

Institute of Mental Health: 6389-2222 (24 hours)

Tinkle Friend:1800-274-4788 (for primary school-aged children)

Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee,  Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee hoon, Wilson Ng, Geraldine Tay, Ven You Guang.

Amidst market turmoil, a looming recession and the Russia Ukraine war, the number of global tech layoffs has been rising at an alarming rate. These layoffs are also hitting really close to home. Singaporean employees are getting axed from top tech companies such as Microsoft, Twitter and Meta. This year alone, we have already seen 850 tech companies laying off a total of 136,000 employees so far, and this number has been rising gradually across the months. 

We speak to Livia Lee, an ex- Meta Diversity Programme Specialist, and is one of the 11,000 people who are impacted by the layoffs in Meta globally. 

We will be speaking to her about her experience, what has she learned throughout this entire layoff journey, and how can others take care of themselves in an uncertain job climate. And of course, how can you be a helping hand to friends and others experiencing a tough situation like this. 

Timestamps: 

(3:11): No Layoff experience is pleasant

(5:37): 3 factors that affect how one experiences layoffs

(7:03): A little bit of human never hurts.

(8:53): Are you really grateful after being laid off?

(11:26): The silver lining in an en masse layoff

(16:56): Where do you place work in your life?

(20:59): Advice for planning your career

(21:32): Create a career experiment for your alternative paths

(22:47): Ask yourself questions to clarify.

(26:17): An unexpected gift from the layoff

(28:02): Finding fulfillment outside of work

(29:31): Advice from the Two Arrows Sutta

(30:01): The first arrow that hits everyone

(31:51): Shame in hiding our grief

(38:23): Backup plan helps you to keep going

Transcript here : http://bit.ly/3Wcmjn3

Resources:

9 things you can do for someone you know who got laid off recently

The 8 worldly winds

The arrow sutta

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee,  Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee hoon, Wilson Tan.

You don't have to be religious to practise mindfulness and meditation. But we also can't deny that there is a huge overlap between secular mindfulness and mindfulness in Buddhism. So what are the differences and why does it matter? And as Buddhists, how do you know if you are progressing on your path? 

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About our guest: 

Dr. Yeoh Kar Kheng has over 15 years of experience in practising and teaching Mindfulness and is a certified trainer under the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute, teaching scientific-based mindfulness and emotional intelligence curriculum developed and tested at Google.

Dr Yeoh is also the founder and project leader of Mindful@Sejahtera, Mindfulness for Everyone Program under D’Home Mental Health Association, and the chairman of Malaysia Mindfulness Association.

More about him

Timestamp:

(0:40) : Dr Yeoh’s introduction to meditation and Buddhism

(10:58) : Difference between secular and Buddhist meditation

(11:52) : Mindfulness does not belong to Buddhists

(17:42) : The 4Rs of mindfulness

(20:27) : Buddhist mindfulness: Right mindfulness

(21:31) : The Noble Eightfold Path

(22:04) : Right View

(22:57) :The Three characteristics of life

(27:05) : The three ways of wisdom

(27:31) : You don’t need to be a Buddhist to know these

(33:46) : Wrong mindfulness

(34:49) : What constitutes meditation?

(42:15) : Not mindful, no problem

(43:00) : Is there any way to know we are progressing?

(43:25) : Are you merely a chicken who can sit still?

Transcript: 

bit.ly/3FsZKUa

Resources: 

10-day Vipassana meditation: 

The Noble Eightfold path

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode: 

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Siau Yan Chen, Tan Key Seng, Ven You Guang, Soh Hwee hoon, Wilson Tan.

Inevitably in life, we have to part ways with friends. Sometimes we break up involuntarily due to some misunderstandings, sometimes we deliberately choose to walk away from friends who are toxic. There is no one easy way to break up with friends.  

In this episode, we have our special guests, Khema and Nalanda, from the u awake? podcast to chat about friendship breakups. Cheryl and Kai Xin, together with the guest shares their experiences of breaking up with friends and: 

Transcript: bit.ly/hol-ep18-friendshipbreakups

Timestamp: 

(0:50): Nalanda – being ganged up on.

(7:55): Khema – fading away from friends to heal from the past.

(11:09): Cheryl – stopping contact due to one-sided romantic feelings.

(14:15): Kai Xin – walking away from toxic friends.

(17:12): Who is a good friend? Are you being judgemental?

(25:48): Different categories of friends.

(34:00): Sometimes it’s beneficial to be hurt from time to time.

(35:06): Giving and taking.

(35:39): How will the fools be wise if the wise don’t associate with them?

(37:20): When should we break up with a friend?

(43:09): We have the power to turn toxicity into wholesomeness too.

(45:35): Good friends increase our chances to be enlightened.

(47:21): How to cut off toxic friends?

Check out u awake? podcast here:

Instagram

Spotify

Readings: 

Mangala Sutta

Two kinds of friends, Ajahn Jayasaro

Thank you to our sponsors of this episode:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Siau Yan Chen, Tan Key Seng, Ven You Guang, Soh Hwee hoon, Wilson Tan.

Help sponsor our efforts to make Buddhist teachings applicable to daily life here: http://handfulofleaves.life/support

Got a comment about the podcast? Share your thoughts on our Telegram channel: https://t.me/handfulofleaves

As we move into adulthood, the pursuit for independence can be at odds with our parent's wishes, especially in the Asian context. We may not agree with our parents on what's best for us (career, relationship, lifestyle etc). We may stop showing affection towards them. And along the way, that might leave them feeling hurt or abandoned. 

In this episode, Cheryl and Kai Xin chat about 

Timestamp:

(1:56): Are you filial?

(5:50): Kai Xin’s relationship with parents

(8:16): Cheryl’s relationship with her mother

(11:02): Love or views?

(14:06): Conflict-averse and wanting independence

(15:01): Do first and ask for forgiveness later

(20:08): I know better than you!

(22:21): Kai Xin the Rebel

(27:10): Do you say I love you to your parents?

(30:58): Tips to communicate with your parents in conflict

(38:44): How to repay your parents?

(43:48): What if your parents are of a different faith?

Thank you our sponsors to this podcast:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Siau Yan Chen, Tan Key Seng, Ven You Guang, Soh hwee hoon, Wilson Tan.

Support our efforts: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/

Having suicidal thoughts is more common than we think. You never know who may be suicidal, it could be the person with the biggest smile in the room, your strongest parent, or even yourself. According to SOS Singapore, suicide is the leading cause of death for those between 10-29 years old.

We hope that today’s episode will bring you hope if you’re feeling suicidal. Or if you know someone who is suicidal, this could perhaps help shed light on what they’re going through and how you can be of support to them.

Note: The guest in this episode is kept anonymous and their voice is altered. 

Transcript here

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Timestamps:

(1:26): Guided meditation to arrive

(2:59): Have you experienced suicidal thoughts before?

(5:53): When was the first time you had suicidal thoughts before?

(7:27): I want the pain to end.

(9:49): Story about a teenage boy who wanted to end it all

(13:42): How do you usually navigate conversations with suicidal people?

(19:48): Everything is just bottled up

(21:35): Two broad reasons on why are people suicidal ?

(23:14): How can we help ourselves?

(25:26): The 5 remembrances

(25:50): Regulating yourself when emotions run high

(28:14): Tying back to the 4 Noble Truths!

(33:01): The question that we all did not have answers to!

(36:39): The two bamboo acrobats

(38:18): Gifts of pain

(39:26): Last advice

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Helpline: 

National Care Helpline: 1800-202-6868

SOS 24-hour Hotlines: 1800-221-4444

SOS 4-digit hotline: 1-767

Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019

Institute of Mental Health: 6389-2222 (24 hours)

Tinkle Friend:1800-274-4788 (for primary school-aged children)

Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800

Resources to read: 

https://www.sos.org.sg/blog/i-want-to-help-someone-who-has-suicidal-thoughts

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/supporting-someone-suicidal-thoughts/

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Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Siau Yan Chen, Tan Key Seng, Ven You Guang, Soh hwee hoon, Baey yuling, Megan Lim