Have a Marriage

5 Ways to break down walls in marriage, to get on the same page.

12 Ways to Practically build trust in your marriage

#1. Be transparent. 

Nothing should be off-limits between you. Access to social media accounts, no secret or hidden files or accounts and access to all devices.

#2. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Don’t just say fine if it’s not fine. You’re conditioning the other person to not trust you because they know you’re not fine.

#3. Be reliable.

Be where you say you’re going to be and if things change, just let them know, even if they don’t care. This will naturally build trust.

#4. Keep privacy between you.

Don’t share everything with everyone all the time. Keep private things between the two of you so you each know you can trust your dirty laundry won’t be voiced everywhere. It’s not healthy. Stop indirectly condemning your spouse.

#5. Don’t judge.

If your spouse feels you always judge everything you do, say, wear or eat they naturally won’t trust you. Stop judging them but also take loving criticism  gently.

#6. Forgive and be gracious.

You’re not perfect either.

#7. Disagree in private.

Don’t argue in front of others or online OR OVER TEXT. Speak face to face in privacy so your partner feels safe to be honest. This will build trust.

#8. Give the benefit of the doubt.

Your partner may really be trying to build trust be we all fail. Have grace, give them the benefit of the doubt that they are where they say they are and don’t immediately jump to mistrust.

#9. Never lie about anything.

Even little stupid stuff. The more honest you are, the more your spouse will trust that you’ll be honest about everything. Know where you stand with someone and where they stand with you.

#10. Have faith in their capabilities.

Everyone has something they do that’s amazing. Support it. The more your spouse feels supported in what they love or what they do or who they are, the more they will trust you even if what they do fails from time to time. Don’t you feel like you can trust someone when they constantly support you?

#11. Talk about everything.

This might drive men crazy but the more you let your wife talk about things the more she will trust you and maybe won’t have to talk as much. Hear me out. I know I don’t have to convince my husband about something because if I say it once, I trust that he believes me and has heard me. We all want to be heard. If I feel I’ve been heard, I don’t need to say it again.

#12. Learn early on that wounds from a friend are the best.

Your spouse is your best friend. Not everything we say will be overly nice but it can always be loving. Learn to take criticism in a loving way, voice why it hurts and learn how it can bring you both together. If we love someone and we see something wrong in their life, we don’t leave them to sabotage themselves. We lovingly correct, build up and move on. Learn how to give loving criticism and how to take it.

Have A Marriage Class 210 – Share the Load! this is kinda basic, divide your household work and everybody gets a to do list. You get a chore, you get a chore and you get a chore. We have talk to a lot of couples where one person is doing all of the housework while the other isn’t pitching in at all. This build resentment and bitterness, isn’t it just easier to compromise and come together and get things done.

Marriage 205: Is It Time For Sex? Another issue we have found in talking with couples is that there is one partner that wants sex more than the other (and it isn’t always the guy). This is a practical tool in helping you two get it on.

[Music] [Music] well can’t go buy weed California with how big this weekend it was soul stone and when you joined the club you got this habit stoners club I was the wall and I should show you the wall of hats but you’ve seen them all and not today there’s always a different hat somewhere I’m trying drag day here we are all right yeah we’re gonna get into it so we’re 205 you sure about that no are 210 what will you do to elect 15 no no Nets that’s way more advanced into a fight okay so what last week we talked about what are we talking about this week well you put me on the spot really what did you do yesterday alright so last week we talked about love language and writing a list on your refrigerator and making sure that they are practical things and you call it an expectation list but I tend to shy away from the word expectations because there is someone that doesn’t like to meet them [Laughter] it’s what we expect out of a spouse and if if it’s an unreasonable expectation I think it’s important to talk about it so but today we’re talking about something we’ve discussed before but today and so again this whole series the 200 series yet listen to this we’re dropping the mic so the 200 series are basically practical everyday things that you guys can do to trance to transfer your marriage into a happier marriage and transfer or transform will be the right word we’re not transferring marriages around it’s like the shell game not so much yeah okay anyway what’s the thing today oh we’re already doing okay so the thing today is really really simple and this sounds really really odd but we would like you to schedule sex we would like you to schedule sex maybe at least once a week and there are scientific studies that have been done that couples that have sex at least once a week you’re literally happiness is increased a lot now you have sex every day it doesn’t compound there is a limit to how much sex and happiness give you but usually about once a week is a pretty good time so I know what you’re thinking you’re like well I don’t want to schedule sex that takes all the romance out of it it’s not nadeo spontaneity and then you know here’s my big question if you’re not being spontaneous now how long has it been it’s been more than a week you suck he’s scheduled sex let’s yeah yeah and so um we listen to other podcasts other marriage couples and one other marriage podcast they said three days he has to initiate at least once and she could never say no any of the times that he initiates and then she gets three days to initiate and he can’t say no I’m too tired of just say no I’m gonna ask her five times a day perfect I’m a seven yeah all right anyways but that would you that would in case you would have sex twice a week but the thing is with that and what I really liked about that time frame is the fact that the man has to be creative and initiate sex in a way that their spouse would like to and then the other spouse were to initiate sex in the way that their spouse would so it gives a lot of room for creativity now if you’re not in a place where you can have sex twice a week then switching that to every other what’s wrong with you maybe you need to go to weed police know but make sure that you switch the initiation because in our relationship I am I love languages physical touch I am the aggressor I am the passionate one I want to have sex every other day so it that doesn’t leave room for her to initiate at all and and part of the issues that we have is that there there comes t

Do you want to be married? This is a scary question to ask but it is good to get on the same page. When all you do is constantly fight (which all marriages seem to go through this.) it is nice to get on the same page. If you two can agree on wanting to be married then at least you are agreeing on something. Remember that marriage is a choice not a “Feeling” so is love for that matter. So the real question is Do You Choose To Be Married To Me, Regardless Of How You Feel?