In this episode, Omari Henderson and Kenneth White, engineers and co-founders of non-profit mentoring program, Youth Challenge, Inc. chat with us about finding purpose by investing in youth through their mentorship programs.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

The beginning of Youth Challenge, Inc. [3:57]

• How travelling helped Omari see the world differently 

• Omari’s desire to give back to the community 

• The importance of Kenneth’s father’s influence in his life 

• How Youth Challenge, Inc. expose young men to important discussions such as financial literacy and mental health 

• Holding Tai Chi sessions and mindfulness exercises 

The impact of Youth Challenge, Inc. to the lives of young men [17:56] 

• Creating a safe space for young men to bond, learn, and experience new things 

• Learning to see the world in a different way 

• Finding a sturdy support group they can come back to any time 

• Being exposed to different kinds of people from different places 

• Having a safe space to open up about their mental struggles 

The haze of reaching out to young men as a volunteer work [26:42] 

• Balancing volunteer work with primary job and other affairs 

• Keeping the content fresh and not repetitive 

• Consistency with building the relationship 

How purpose work impacts Omari and Kenneth’s lives [29:35] 

• Incredible sense of fulfillment 

• The feeling of appreciation and passion 

Finding the way to our purpose [37:08]

• Being open to exploring things that come your way

• Interacting with other people that go great things 

• You can have more than one purpose

• Your purpose may change as you grow older 

• More than money and glamor, it has to bring you happiness 

• Being real with yourself—why are you doing what you do?

Biggest piece of advice to everyone [51:58]

• Show up fully each and everyday not dwelling in the past and scared of the future 

• Follow your passion

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:

Listen to Prince

Listen to Anderson .Paak

CONNECT WITH OMARI AND KENNETH:

Youth Challenge, Inc.

Youth Challenge, Inc. on Instagram

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

Welcome back to the Love Haze, Season 2! In this season, we'll be exploring the journey towards purpose and how our experiences shape our paths. 

Today, we're joined by Shamiah Kearney, the Deputy Director of Performance Management in the Executive Office of the Mayor for the District of Columbia. Shemaiah will share her insights on evaluating service delivery, assessing equity, and making budget decisions for the community. She's also an active volunteer and leader in various organizations, including Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated. Join us as we delve into the world of purpose. 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

Getting to know Shamiah and what she does [2:45]

• She grew up in Compton, California and moved to Atlanta to attend Clark Atlanta University.

• She was curious about the policies that led to communities of color having limited resources and wanted to understand the decision-making process.

• She pursued a degree in Community Economic Development and initially wanted to become a city planner to steer investment in communities of color.

• She later transitioned into public policy, working at the Government Accountability Office to shape public policy and make government more efficient and effective for everyone.

• She then moved to the District of Columbia to work in local government, where she is able to see the direct impacts of her public policy decisions.

How can we make the change that we want to see in our communities? [12:18]

• Educating ourselves

• Informative conversations with our friends

• Access information through the internet and other sources to learn about government dynamics

• Attend city council and school board meetings to stay informed about decisions affecting your community

• Challenge friends to be politically engaged and accountable for their own environments

• Discuss political questions with friends, including voting habits and policy impacts

• Recognize that policy decisions affect every individual and challenge friends to take action on complaints by engaging with government agencies and policies.

Following our curiosities [15:23] 

• Actively seek out information

• Let your curiosities lead you into something greater

The haze of being a public servant [17:25]

• Always trying to figure out their purpose and if they are on the right track to fulfilling it.

• Not fulfilling parts of their purpose due to waiting for others' approval.

• Shamiah is passionate about public policy and has considered running for public office, but is aware of the potential negative impact on their family.

How to know you’re on the right path? [41:22]

• Everyone has a purpose, but not everyone follows it

• Following your purpose means making life happen, rather than life happening to you

• Fulfillment is an innate feeling that comes with following your purpose

• Signs can come in dreams, particularly during moments of vulnerability

• Even discomfort can be a sign that you're where you're supposed to be.

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

This season, we're diving deep into the world of purpose work and how people are making a difference in their communities. Today, we have a very special guest with us, Ms. Flojaune​ ​Griffin​ ​Cofer. As an epidemiologist and Senior Director for Policy at Public Health Advocates, she's no stranger to making an impact in the world. She's also the host of the local political podcast Voices River City, a member of the Sacramento Sister Circle, and a proud member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated. And did I mention she's my life sister? We can't wait to hear about her incredible work and all the amazing things she's doing to empower her community. So sit back, relax, and get ready to be inspired. 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

Public health prevention and restorative justices [1:53]

• Being a public health person who's trying to connect what she knows to what she does

• Trying to minimize the harm that happens to people

• Figuring out how to create a world where we need fewer ambulances

The impact of public health to Flojaune’s life [12:18]

• Flojaune started doing a combination of policy and epidemiology work in 2011, shortly after the Affordable Care Act was passed.

• She helped write recommendations and submit testimony to the Institute of Medicine advocating for services to be available without cost sharing, including free birth control and preventive visits.

• The experience of the lack of coverage for birth control under her own health insurance policy, which motivated her to advocate for this issue.

• Enjoyed working on policy implementation, but wanted to be involved in the policy-making process as well.

• Flojaune is now part of a public health advocacy organization focused on equity and social justice, drawing on her personal experiences growing up in a neighborhood with a mix of socioeconomic backgrounds.

• A personal urgency and commitment to advocating for issues that affect her and people in her community.

Does everyone have a purpose? [27:04] 

• Everyone has a purpose

• People often believe that their purpose and their means of making money are the same thing

• This can lead to difficulty in identifying one's purpose, as it may not be monetizable

• Being a great parent can be a purpose, even if it is not a profession

• Sometimes what we are meant to do may not be something that can be monetized

• Society's focus on identifying a profession from a young age can limit our understanding of our purpose

Advice to younger self [41:21]

• Breathe, relax, and be okay with not having everything figured out

• Life would be boring if you knew everything that was going to happen

• Be open to the possibility that things may not happen on your timeline or follow a set rubric

• Enjoy the moment and don't worry too much about the future

• Spend time with older people who reflect on their lives and wish they had enjoyed more in the moment

• Take risks and try to live life to the fullest

RESOURCES FROM THE EPISODE

Policy at Public Health Advocates

Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated

Listen to Voices River City

The Year of Yes- Shonda Rhimes

Frederick DouglassThe Alchemist- Paulo Coelho

Sacramento Sister Circle in Facebook

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

As part of our efforts to tackle purpose work, today, we bring another person who is making a difference in his field, helping educate and improve our communities while being true to his purpose. 

In this episode, our good friend Onaje Henderson, a community educator, arts enthusiast, and partner and gallery director of ZuCot Gallery in Atlanta, GA, discusses with us how we can discover our purpose by educating our community about collecting and curating our own culture.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

Onaje’s journey towards building a gallery specializing in works of Black American artists [2:05]

• Art has always been part of Onaje’s life

• How Onaje realized that art is not being talked about enough 

• How Onaje, together with business partners, built the now largest African-American art gallery in the Southeast

• The importance of talking about the history of negro spirituals 

Problems that need to be solved 

• The  community needs to be told to support Black businesses 

• Works of African-American artists are being collected by other cultures (also true for other art forms such as music)

• Changing the rules to depending on client base so that everybody feels welcome 

• How engineering helps solving the problem 

How purpose work impacted Onaje’s life [18:27] 

• The importance of awakening the Black folks 

• Creating spaces that are unapologetically black but caters diversity

• Preaching about never changing the narrative of a certain piece in order to collect “respectfully”

• Being “custodians” of culture 

• Working with people that have stories to tell 

The biggest challenges of an art gallery as a business [31:47]

• How money flows in and out so much

• Sometimes people don’t understand the business piece of running a gallery 

• Educating people could be a slow walk 

Advice for others and supporting the community [54:57] 

• Be unapologetically Black!

• Come into the gallery, shop for art

• Telling others about the business

• No more free press

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

Listen to Murdered by UGK 

Listen to If It’s Magic by Stevie Wonder 

Listen to 1999 by Big K.R.I.T.

Listen to Players by Slum Village

Listen to Liberation by OutKast

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

We often struggle with pursuing a path where we’re met by rejections and difficulties. But most of the time, rejection simply means redirection. Afterall, nothing great comes easy. 

In this episode, Brandy Shavon, LCSW, host of Crazy Counselor Podcast, and Founder of Pearls of Esther, Inc. chats with us about finding purpose behind unexpected open doors. 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

How Brandy recognized her purpose through her innate desire to help others [1:54] 

• The evolution of her dreams—from being an attorney, forensic psychologist, to what she does now 

• How she applied to five psychology programs and got rejected by all of them 

• How serving in prison ministry touched her life 

• Realizing that redirection may sometimes disguise as rejection; redirection may actually lead you to your purpose 

• You don’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer to make a difference

The haze of doing social work [8:53]

• Getting rid of the imposter syndrome 

• Fighting misinformation 

Social work’s impact on Brandy’s life [19:20]

• Having the knowledge of seeing too much makes you intentional about work 

• Recognizing that imperfections are okay as long as you take actions to correct them

“I will not allow my past to speak from my present” [22:09]

• Becoming self-aware 

• Verbalizing negative thoughts and processing them 

• The struggle to constantly believe that “you are enough” 

The path towards your purpose [25:39]

• Starting with what you’re passionate about 

• Resisting the societal pressure asking “what should you be doing?” 

• Everyone has purpose—God gave you one upon birth 

• Remembering that you can’t do things on your own for your purpose is bigger than you

Advice to younger self and to others pursuing their purpose [35:32] 

• Do it on your pace to avoid burnout; there’s a timing for everything 

• If you have 10 goals, do them one at a time  

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

After the Rain: Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self-Love by Alex Elle

Listen to I Was Here by Beyoncé

CONNECT WITH BRANDY 

Follow her on Instagram

Listen to the Crazy Counselors podcast

Visit her website

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

We’re delighted to have Jessica Green, a dear friend, on the show. We love the story of how she found her purpose by defeating the odds despite pursuing an untrodden path for her—politics. 

Jessica is an Attorney, District 1 Councilwoman in Louisville, Kentucky, and Founder of Green House Family Resource Center. In this episode, she chats with us about finding purpose through community politics and non-profits.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

How Jessica unexpectedly found her purpose work [2:01]

• How she’s never envisioned going into politics

• Suddenly getting fired from her prosecutor job and losing her mom at the same time 

• Facing depression and feeling lost

• “You can either do something, or go under” 

• How she decided to run for Metro Council in Louisville

• How she beat a beloved incumbent, gained the trust of the public, and got reelected 

• The beginning of her own law practice 

The haze of politics as purpose work [16:19] 

• The difficulty to say no 

• Learning to self-preserve in order to serve others 

• Finding the balance between your purpose and maintaining a portion of yourself 

Everybody was put here  for a reason [25:33]

• What brings you joy? 

• Is what you do helping people? 

• What can you offer to the world? 

• What can you do to contribute to change? 

• Living a purpose-driven life

• There’s no need to rush finding your purpose 

Finding your purpose [28:39]

• The world doesn’t have to see you 

• It doesn’t have to be grand; it can be as simple as walking dogs once a week 

• Deriving little joy in the midst of pandemic, which is a really difficult time 

Biggest advice for others [34:10] 

• Give to others, but leave some for yourself

How to contribute to Jessica’s purpose work [36:56]

• As a voter, flex your voice 

• Make calls, send emails, post on social media 

• Sending art supplies to support underserved communities 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:

Listen to We Ready 

Green House Family Resource Center

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

As a historian, Maurice believes that there are three things that he must do: 

1. Always tell the truth. 

2. Always be loyal to his people and the land that they stand on.

3. Always provide a solution. 

So many beautiful things from this conversation resonated a lot with us so we’re delighted to share this with all of you. 

In this episode, Dr. Maurice Hobson, Associate Professor of African American Studies and Historian at Georgia State University chats with us about finding purpose in our history.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR :

Maurice’s journey towards his purpose work [2:33] 

• Being a “heat seeker”

• Seeing the connection in terms of civil rights and Black struggle

• His struggle in med school 

• Pursuing being a historian because of his gift of discernment 

• Recognizing how elders’ wisdom are a gift to us  

• How Maurice achieved the three dreams he listed when he was in seventh grade—a doctor, a history professor, and a musician 

Why it takes discernment to teach history [13:46]

• The way history is taught in basic ed is flawed 

• The idea that anybody can just teach history 

• How the key to history is investigation 

• The three things that a historian must always do 

• History is a weapon of freedom 

The haze of the work Maurice does 20:44] 

• What are you going to do to help change the conditions of your people?

• Applying to seven PhD programs and getting rejected by every single one of them 

• Taking a serious job in the academe at the age of 25 

• Changing how history is to be told 

• The tumultuous book writing process 

• Trusting the process 

• When people see you in documentaries, they may want things from you for free 

• Separating personal and professional life 

Continually moving towards our purpose [46:11] 

• Paying attention to spirituality 

• How do you take on other people's burdens?

• How are you able to cleanse yourself of some of the things that need to be cleansed?

• Realizing that humanity is dark and scary 

• Thinking how you’re build for something great plays a huge part in obedience and sacrifice 

• Healing is part of your journey towards your purpose 

The easy way to figure out your purpose [59:43] 

• What do you like to do? (if you love sleeping, maybe your purpose is to build mattresses) 

• Always being self-aware 

• Staying committed and obedient 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

The Warmth of Other Suns 

Listen to In Due Time by OutKast 

Listen to Cruisin’ by Smokey Robinson

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

Today, we will explore topics related to personal growth, self-improvement, and life experiences. We're diving into the topic of perseverance and the idea of trying something multiple times until it finally works out. We'll discuss the lessons learned from past failures and how they can contribute to success in the future. Join us as we uncover the importance of vulnerability and courage in pursuing our dreams, and how failures can be a valuable part of the journey.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

Pursuing gifts and callings [5:24] 

• Sometimes, we may have gifts or callings that scare us because they require vulnerability and exposing our weaknesses.

• Past experiences, failures, and seeds can lead us to where we need to be in the future.

• Having a partner or support system can affirm and encourage us to pursue our dreams.

• Elevation can bring exposure, but it's important to embrace vulnerability and use it as a tool for growth and personal development.

 Having to try a few times before reaching your goal [9:33]

• Failure and rejection are a common part of the journey towards success.

• Despite setbacks, it's important to keep pushing forward and trying again.

• Mental strength is necessary to overcome disappointment and keep moving forward.

• Honesty and feedback can be helpful in understanding why certain opportunities may not have worked out.

• The process of trying and failing can ultimately lead to better opportunities and growth.

Navigating the haze of reaching your goals [12:12] 

• Having a clear end goal or destination is important

• Persistence and perseverance are key to achieving the goal

• Not giving up after setbacks or failures is crucial

• Being open to adjusting or changing the approach is necessary

• Finding a way to reestablish or refocus on the goal can help maintain motivation

Overcoming fear of rejection and naysayers in pursuing your goals [13:12] 

• Rejection hurts, but it's important to expose yourself to it to desensitize yourself and move forward.

• The fear of rejection can hold people back from taking risks and getting in the arena.

• Failure and rejection can bruise our egos and make us doubt ourselves, but it's important to keep pushing forward towards our goals.

• Naysayers can make failure and rejection feel even more painful and discouraging.

• Taking risks and putting yourself out there is inherently risky, but it's also necessary for growth and success.

How Shaté deals with possible rejections [15:22] 

• Acknowledging that rejection and failure are possible

• Being present for and feel all of the emotions that come with rejection and failure

• Understanding that delays or denials are not permanent and things can work out for good in unexpected ways

• All experiences, including failures and rejections, can be used for personal growth and to help others

• Trusting the process and knowing that everything happens for a reason.

Scott’s personal growth and self-affirmations through faith and supportive relationships [26:12]

• Scott felt an urging from God and their immediate circle to make positive changes in their life.

• Choosing to believe in the positive things God and his loved ones said about him

• He set goals based on what God said about him and focused on becoming the person he knew he could be.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

The Art of Rejection

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

Welcome to today's episode where we'll be exploring the difficult topic of self-forgiveness. Many of us have been in situations where we know we should have made a different decision, but instead, we made a mistake that ended up hurting someone else. It's easy to beat ourselves up and fall into a cycle of self-blame and regret, but how do we move forward and forgive ourselves when we're the ones at fault? 

Join us as we dive into strategies and techniques for practicing self-compassion and forgiveness, and ultimately finding peace and healing after making a mistake.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

How to forgive yourself when you’re at fault [0:24] 

• The first step towards self-forgiveness is acknowledging mistakes.

• Practice self-compassion and kindness towards yourself. 

• Let go of perfectionism. Embrace your imperfections and learn from them.

• Practice mindfulness. Stay in the present moment. 

• Don't let your past mistakes consume you.

• Seek support from loved ones or a therapist if needed. It's okay to ask for help and support during the process of self-forgiveness.

Navigating hurt feelings [2:37]

• Hurting someone's feelings intentionally or unintentionally feels bad either way.

• Difficult conversations that may hurt someone's feelings are sometimes necessary.

• Forgiveness is necessary for both the person who hurt someone's feelings intentionally and unintentionally.

• There are different levels of hurt, and forgiveness may be required depending on the situation.

• There may be a feeling of being misunderstood when intentions do not align with the impact of the words.

The inevitability of encountering "speed bumps" in human relationships [8:14] 

• We want the good without the bad in human relationships.

• Speed bumps and conflicts are inevitable in any relationship.

• The greatness of humanity is experiencing the entirety of emotions.

The key part of knowing who is at fault [14:10] 

• Knowing when you are at fault requires the other person to tell you and having a conversation about it in a productive and less emotionally charged way.

• Some people may not have the resolve to have difficult conversations and may just discard relationships when things don't go their way.

• We should aim to resolve conflicts in our relationships instead of throwing people away.

• Communicate with the other person and resolve the conflict

Unaddressed trauma and moving forward [16:43] 

• The amount of unaddressed trauma in society.

• There is a history of not addressing trauma and simply moving on.

• Society often focuses on moving forward rather than healing.

• Healing should be a more significant part of conversations around trauma.

• "Moving on" is often viewed as letting go of baggage, but this may not be the case

Navigating the haze of forgiving oneself [24:12]

• The struggle with reconciling with oneself when at fault in a situation which can lead to depression and making the same mistake repeatedly.

• Reframing failure as a natural part of life and adjust their goals accordingly.

• Taking action and not waiting until they are "ready" to pursue goals

What does that look like forgiving yourself? [35:35]

• Going through a “process of working through” the situation

• Affirming one's worthiness of forgiveness is important

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

• The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

In this episode, we explore the topic of healing and how it can help us move forward after experiencing a loss or learning a valuable lesson.

Join us as we share insights and stories about the healing journey, both from the perspective of helping others and our own personal experiences. We'll discuss the challenges and triumphs of healing, as well as strategies for seeking support and guidance along the way. So, whether you're on your own journey of healing or you're interested in helping others in their healing process, this podcast is for you. Let's dive into the world of healing after loss or lesson and discover the power of moving forward together.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

What does healing look like for you? [1:46]

• Healing means becoming whole again after experiencing scars and fractures.

• We are born with everything we need to operate in the world, but life happens and we need additional resources to cope.

• Healing is a process of mending and filling the fractured places with love and lessons learned.

• People may be bent by life, but they are not broken spiritually.

Healing is a reminder of who you always were [5:33]

• Restoration is the process of returning to what you already were before the damage.

• The goal of healing is not to become something new but to remember and embody your wholeness and worth.

• Sometimes life events make us forget our value and worth, leading to feelings of being damaged or broken.

• Healing involves making adjustments and moving forward with what you already have within you, rather than focusing on the damage or limitations.

Do you have to make the choice to heal? [7:35] 

• Healing requires a conscious choice to let go of the comfort of the injury and commit to the healing process.

• People can become dependent on their emotional "crutches" because they don't trust the healing process.

• It's easier to stay with the crutch than to take the risk of believing the healing is possible.

• People may hold on to their emotional crutches, such as not trusting others, to avoid the possibility of being hurt again.

• Healing requires taking steps, such as physical therapy, to gradually build trust in the healing process and let go of the crutches.

Navigating the haze of healing [12:54]

• The haze refers to the process of moving forward and getting over an injury.

• It's not about forgetting that you were injured, but rather about starting to put pressure back on the affected area.

• This involves gradually transitioning from assisted movements (e.g. using crutches) to unassisted movements (e.g. walking, running).

• It's important to have faith in your ability to heal and to let go of any fear or anxiety about the possibility of re-injury.

• Remembering what happened is important, but it shouldn't hold you back from fully embracing your healing and moving forward.

Our choices shape our path [26:12]

• Choosing to affirm positive beliefs and affirmations can help us achieve our goals and walk in healing.

• Negative beliefs and affirmations can also attract support from those walking in that same direction.

• Our daily choices determine the direction we walk in and the type of support we attract.

• Walking in healing requires actively choosing positivity and affirmation and finding support from like-minded individuals. 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:

• Love Haze Podcast Episode 3

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.