Helping Challenging Children

There is the mistake belief by some people that respect is to be given to them simply because of a title they may have, such as parent, teacher, or President. While these titles may suggest that these individuals may deserve the consideration of respect because of what they have done to achieve those titles, it is not simply the title that is being evaluated.

Children don't automatically know how to "show respect". They do know that they want to be loved, accepted, and respected as being worthy of life. But they can't list the behaviors which will show respect, rather just knowing when it feels right. But, if the adults around them never model respect, to the children or others, children will not be able to develop the ability to show respect to those who deserve it. They may think that only those who put others down are deserving of respect because they show "power".

This is not what we want our children to learn and believe.  Check out this podcast to learn more.

Children learn that we love them by our actions. But not everyone expresses love in the same way. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages. Each is important to share with children so that they know that they are loved, especially our challenging children.

Learn more about these 5 love languages here.

Many people are under the misperception that children with learning disorders only have problems with reading, writing, and math. In reality what we call learning disorders are difficulties in processing stimuli and understanding the patterns or sequences involved in mastering academic material and life instructions. These children struggle with issues related to social interactions, chores, and activities of daily living, for which they are frequently criticized or punished.

One in every 20 youth run away each year from home. I guess I can technically say that I would be part of those statistics, but my reasons were no where near as painful as the youth who are found on our streets.

Check out this broadcast to learn more about why our youth are running away from home.

What can be worse than the feeling of pain from a cut? How about the pain of anxiety, depression, self-hatred, or abuse? 

Nonsuicidal Self Injury begins around 12 to 14 years of age, although it can begin later in life if childhood issues are not the cause of their pain. Cutting is one of several ways that people can hurt themselves in order to deal with their internal pain.

Check out the podcast to learn more. And then, if you know someone who does intentionally injure themselves, reach out to be with them to find help.

30% of children in school by the time they are 18 will have a substance use disorder. These are kids who have had adverse childhood experiences such as punitive parenting, problems due to neurodevelopmental disorders such as ADHD and autism, and parent child problems due to temperament differences, as well as bullying in school.

If we don't acknowledge and help these children, they will struggle with these drug issues for life, which will then lead to them being a burden on society rather than a supporter of society.

Get to know these children and be there as supports, not critics.

My mother has had some health issues over the last few years which has led to the need for us to anticipate where she may need some accommodations to protect her from falling. This has meant moving furniture around, removing some rugs, and even finding ways to help her up the steps to the front door.  While we wish we didn't have to make changes, we do it because we want her to be part of our lives and we know that she is not playing at being weak or have balance problems, but is really struggling.

This is the same way we need to consider our interactions of children who face challenges in their attempts to be part of their homes, schools, and communities. Unfortunately, many adults often feel as if they are being manipulated by the child, who should be able to just "get over it" when dealing with fears and phobias, or "just work harder" when struggling with school work. Is it surprising then, when they reach their breaking point and have a meltdown?

I would like to tell you about a young man who was shown the respect he deserved by his school to anticipate and accommodate his needs so that he could truly be part of a major life experience.

I was taught in medical school that a person with intellectual disabilities could not have learning disabilities. I was also told that if a child had a developmental disorder such as autism, Down's Syndrome, or other disorders, they couldn't have other disorders, especially ADHD and learning disorders.

Well that was a long time ago and we now know that comorbidity is more common than originally thought. Children with Down's syndrome can have autism, ADHD,  and learning disorders. Children with intellectual disorders and chromosomal disorders can have mental health disorders, and in fact may be at greater risk due to their confusion and anxiety in dealing with the world around them.

But I still see children with intellectual developmental disorders being underestimated as to potential and co-existing learning problems which may be limiting their potential.  In this episode I discuss 2 young men who were not respected for their potential even within the framework of their diagnoses.

Have you underestimated a child recently? Now may be a good time to take another look.

Humans, being part of the animal kingdom, are born with the tendency to show aggression as a means of survival. But humans have the ability to use aggression less and less as we develop our prefrontal brain skills to analyze, plan, and put into effect other responses to what we are experiencing.

Children learn these skills by the adults around them, who should be helping them increase their communication skills, but more importantly by providing them with feelings of love, safety and security. Children who are not receiving these gifts will tend to stay in their limbic system when reacting to the world around them.

Check out this latest episode to learn more. And if you want to learn more about the 3 layers of children which are involved in whether children use aggression or not, check out my minicourse, Never Assume: Know  Children Before Labeling Them.

All of us have our little quirks which are likely due to sensory input and processing differences. But between 5 and 16% of all children experience suffering due to problems handling the sensory input from the world around them. And many can't explain clearly enough, or at all, what is happening. Instead they communicate through their behaviors, which can be seen as disruptive and manipulative.

What do you know about sensory processing issues? How have you dealt with them while living or working with children struggling with them?

Take a listen and then decide if you need to learn more in order to help these children - and adults.