Helping Challenging Children

I was a strong-willed child. I wanted to know "WHY" I had to do what I was being told to do, why now, and why this way. Now days I would be labeled as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. 

What I know about myself and about most of the children I treated over 30 years, who would qualify for the ODD label, is that we were anxious about doing something that didn't align with how we saw the situation at the moment. We wanted to go along, but our anxiety caused us to need to understand first before complying.

This did not go over well with adults, however.

Listen to this podcast to learn more about this issue and what you can do to help.

I would bet that as a child you heard the phrase, "Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you."  That was said most likely to get you to shrug off hurtful things said to you by siblings and classmates or friends.

The reality, however, is that words can and do hurt you. Maybe for a few moments or for a lifetime. Check out this blog to learn more.

If you would like to learn more about the 3 layers that make up with WHO of children, check out my course, Never Assume: Know Children Before Labeling Them on my website .

Have you ever had a child say or do something which you found very confusing, embarrassing, or disrespectful but the child thought he was doing something nice or responsible?

Children don't see the world through the same eyes we do, which is why some situations may appear funny or scary to them but not to us.

Check out this podcast to see how one young girl was seen very negatively, when in reality her actions were very understandable - if she had just been asked to explain.

If you would like to learn more about understanding who children are before labeling them check out my short course, Never Assume: Know Children Before Labeling Them. You will be glad you did.

Research is showing that the greater number of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs)  a child has, the more likely he or she is to have long term physical and mental health problems. In this episode I am going to discuss one area of concern, the development of the mental health problem, Borderline Personality Disorder. At any one point in time 1.6% of the population will be diagnosed with this, with the lifetime prevalence being 5.9%, or one person in 17.  That means that millions of people are struggling through life who might not have to if parents and professionals understand more about the WHO of children, meaning the 3 layers.

If you would like to learn about the 3 layers to help you understand why changing your approach may be needed, check out my course Never Assume: Understanding Who Challenging Children Before Labeling Them 

As adults we tend to bristle when a child replies to our telling them to do something with a "Why". Many adults see it as being oppositional or defiant. 

The reality is that most children and adolescents can't immediately understand your thoughts or reasoning, making them somewhat uncomfortable. Why was he told to do it - already deep into his homework, instead of his brother who is doing nothing? Why does it need to be done now? Could it be done in ten minutes when the show he is watching is over?  Why does it have to be done this way? He may have another way that will give the same outcome but be more enjoyable or be done faster.

When we don't take time to answer their why questions, resentment builds as does a feeling that the child's point of view doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the adult "winning."

LIfe is better through learning to understand others. Let your child understand you better.

When you were a child did you know how to do everything? Or did you have to be taught how to do many things?
Children with ADHD, like other children, do need to be taught how to do things. The difference is that they have to be taught how to do things which comes more naturally to typically developing children. And if adults do work at teaching them, the ADHD children also hear that the reason for the extra effort is due to their ADHD.
But when asked why they did something wrong, they get criticized for saying it is because they have ADHD. They are told that they are just giving excuses.
This is very confusing since when an adult tells them it is because of their  (the child's ADHD, it is seen as an explanation, but when they say the same thing, it is seen as an excuse.

It is important to provide a little stress in our lives in order to learn new things and handle life's frustrations. But are we putting too much stress on our children, which can be due to our expectations or due to the chaotic live that we are living.  There is a need to step back and take time to support our children, so that they can maintain a healthy neurologic as well as physical development.

Welcome to this new podcast which focuses on helping parents and adults survive and thrive with challenging children.

My name is Dr. Pat McGuire. I am a developmental & behavioral pediatrician who, over the last 30+ years has worked with more than 3000 children and their families, in order to create positive, healthy families. 

Our society is realizing that raising children to be healthy, happy, and productive adults is more challenging than originally thought. We are seeing the effects of toxic stress on the integrity of families and in the physical and mental health outcomes of children.

This podcast will look at a variety of topics which will help parents and professionals rethink how they see and respond or react to children and adolescents. I will challenge many adults to consider how they decided to interact with children and if it was based on sound developmental knowledge, or a history of "That's the way it has always been."