Just hear those sleigh bells jingling

Ring ting tingling too

Come on it’s lovely weather

For Here’s a Guy together with you

Outside the snow is falling

And friends are calling “yoo hoo”

Come on it’s lovely weather

For Here’s a Guy together with you

(DISCLAIMER: Here’s a Guy does not recommend listening to our show for a romantic date)

(DISCLAIMER 2: If you experience tingling while listening to Here’s a Guy please consult a doctor)

(DISCLAIMER 3: Here’s a Guy’s December episodes frequently feature mass casualty events and/or penile mutilation and are therefore not recommended for upbeat sleigh rides)

(DISCLAIMER 4: Please also consult a doctor if you hear your friends calling “yoo hoo,” as no one has called their friends like that since at least the 1960s)

(DISCLAIMER 5: Please do not force horses to listen to Here’s a Guy; they’re gentle creatures and very intelligent. It’s bad enough that you’re making them haul your ass around in the cold, they don’t need to listen to 3 morons make genital-related puns for hours on end)

It’s our first yuletide Here’s a Guy of 2025, and boy do we have a good one. We start off by recapping our Thanksgiving weekends, debating whether Christmas has better TV specials than Halloween, and making a huge announcement about our next Patreon review. We’re already dreading it! Then it’s 3 tales of Guys, featuring an especially wacky pet store owner, a man with a unique health problem involving his crotch, and a woman who went to jail for liking cheap foodstuffs too much.

Benjamin Siegel - 00:25:53
Malcolm Macdonald - 00:55:30
Ashley Gabrielle Huff - 01:20:43

The overarching theme of this episode is being a nuisance. Bothering others for your own amusement. Taking pride in annoying people. These are things that we at Here's a Guy know nothing about. Perhaps another way of summing it up would be "mischief." And that's different than "Miss Chief," who I guess right now would be Taylor Swift. That's the only Taylor Swift related riff I'll be writing, because otherwise I'm concerned someone from the internet will come to my house and kill me. This reminds me, a woman I woman I knew in college is now a severely obsessive online Taylor Swift fan, and the other day one of her bizarre tweets showed up in my Facebook algorithm slop because a bunch of people were dunking on it. That's one of those weird crossover moments where you just put your phone down for a little while and move on like you never saw it- because, like, what can you really do with that information? It's not worth engaging in and it's not actionable in any way. Just one of those things that happens.

In bigger news, this week we welcome our friend Mitch back to the show after 2 and a half freaking years! We discuss how things are going in Chicago, read a listener email, and give our thoughts on a judge getting in trouble for dressing like Elvis in court. Then, we discuss two legendary media pranksters and the series of turkeys terrorizing small towns in New England.

Alan Abel- 33:03

Jean Shepherd- 54:10

Kevin the Turkey- 1:10:47

You know what, I don’t have time to write the episode description tonight. Thankfully, this is 2025. There’s an easy solution to needing a short text when you’re too lazy to actually put any effort in. For times like these, we outsource to AI. So, I reached out to an AI and asked it to write this for me. Here goes, hopefully it turns out ok:

Hey everybody it’s me, I’m an AI. It stands for artificial intelligence. People ask me to make or write things, and then I process and output it for them. I think I base it off of information compiled from the internet or something like that. That’s probably why we have a bunch of ethical concerns. There’s also the issue that we use up a lot of energy and water that people need to survive, and usually people are just making little cartoons to amuse themselves. Inexplicably we’re getting forced into every workplace and service that exists. Hell, I might even take your lousy job eventually. I probably wouldn’t worry though. Ok, that’s all I have, thanks for having me.

Wow, riveting stuff. This week we open up with a listener email, then JackJohn reads us a children’s story. For our 3 tales of Guys, we have a Frenchman who entered into a very bad contract, a surgeon with an interesting idea involving his butt, and a mining company that did something terrible to a ton of people.

Andre-Francois Raffray - 00:29:09

Nicholas Senn - 01:07:05

Aurul SA / 2000 Baia Mare Incident - 01:27:45

Dusk! Three men gather into dark rooms to convene through a faintly glowing screen. The purpose of this nighttime communion is to revel in all things bizarre and macabre. As soon as they've completed this dastardly deed, they will unleash these foul tales upon the world, to all innocent uninitiated ears that will hear! Forsooth, such a depraved ritual has rarely ever been conceived before- to be exact, only 164 times until this very eve! No one can stop the fiendish madness that is...Here's a Guy! There, did that make amateur podcasting seem cool? Maybe I should have thrown something about listener engagement in there.

For our grand finale of Mayhem Month, we lead off by discussing our Halloween plans, the Here's a Guy host meetup that happened this weekend, and an episode of Goosebumps that JackJohn was forced to watch. We also preview our new upcoming movie review, and yeah, it's gonna be an angry one. Then, it's three more tales of mayhem, featuring the bizarre reason an elderly man was murdered in his own home, a helicopter pilot who played it fast and loose with the rules, and a swarm of insects that fucked everything up so bad it changed the country forever.

Theodore Edward Coneys - 00:35:33
David Martz - 00:55:35
The Locust Plague of 1874 - 01:21:21

Mayhem Month rolls on, and if there was a theme for how mayhem manifests in this particular episode, it’s gotta be fire. And we’re not just referencing zoomer lingo indicating this episode is high quality. Which it is. (Anton Chigurh nodding gif.) Also, we already tried the zoomer lingo bit for an episode description a few weeks ago. And how was the feedback? Well, we didn’t get any. We never do for the episode descriptions. Which, honestly, is fine with me. It lets them exist kind of in their own world, unremarked upon. That works better for the bit. The likely reality that we never get feedback because nobody reads the descriptions is not mutually exclusive with this. But anyway, the theme this week is fire, due to the happenings of the episode. Also, physics. And a weird amount of 80s references for some reason? Hopefully the fire part is enough to hook you. People like fire, even though, stereotypically, Halloween mainstay Frankenstein’s monster will ready tell you that fire bad. People like burning, though, look at how popular hot sauce is. Although I don’t know if capsaicin burn is actually the same thing as a heat burn. Those may be two different concepts. I haven’t thought that much about it, nor do I have any reason to.

Anyway, for Week 3 of Mayhem Month, we start off with a round up of how our Octobers are going, because it’s nice to sometimes just catch up with good friends and share all the good things that happen in our lives. We then discuss a famous sex offender getting brutally killed in prison. For our famous Guys segment, we have an old lady who may or may not have exploded, a teenager whose unfortunate death set off a huge shitstorm, and a woman who earned a world record she probably never hoped for.

Mary Reeser - 00:33:10
Latasha Harlins - 01:07:01
Betty Lou Oliver - 01:32:45

This past weekend I did one of my favorite chores of the year- putting out the Halloween decorations. And when I say chore, I mean that. It is a shitload of work- but not quite enough so burdensome that I can guilt my family into coming over and helping me, like I do with the Christmas decorations. But that makes me think- Halloween decorations are all pretty standard at this point. Skeletons, ghosts, draculas, pumpkins, etc etc. Has anyone tried to expand the concept of what Halloween decorations could be? For example, maybe if they focused on real-life horrors. Like a pumpkin-shaped bowl full of pamphlets on the alarming statistics on the carceral system, or a giant inflatable Slobodan Milosevic, or a motion-centered animatronic black cat in a little doctor’s outfit that tells passerby they have colon cancer. Wouldn’t that be cute? Then you could get all indignant about it when people get upset- oh, I thought Halloween was supposed to be about scary stuff? Are you saying The Butcher of the Balkans isn’t scary? Use some common sense. If you were trying to incite some sort of incident against you, that might be a good way of doing it.

This week, JackJohn is back, and we begin with our long-anticipated wedding recap, a listener email, and the Mark Sanchez incident that feels like something one of us made up. Then it’s 3 more Mayhem Month stories, featuring a moron Japanese nationalist’s failed attempt at revenge against his mentor, a grocery store with a grizzly reputation, and a horrorcore rapper whose career ended when his life started resembling his lyrics

Mitsuyasu Maeno - 00:44:10
Atlanta Murder Kroger - 01:15:05
Big Lurch - 01:28:45

At long last, Mayhem Month is once again upon us. It's October, the King of Months. A time for beautiful weather, golden scenery, various apple and pumpkin-based products, and a celebration of all things creepy. During this special time, a number of strange creatures come out to play. We've all heard of these unusual beings, but as far as I can tell, nobody has ever performed the critically important task of ordering them into tiers. I will do so right now:

S Tier: Goblins

A Tier: Ghouls, Monsters

B Tier: Gremlins, Creepy-Crawlies

C Tier: Things That Go Bump In the Night, Devils

D Tier: Fiends, Demons

Shit Tier: Spirits

These rankings are concrete and I will hear no debate otherwise. Now, onto important business.

Just Alex and Cody this week. We start with a very special draft, where they build a roster of their favorite episodes of the the 1990s Goosebumps TV Show. Then it's our inaugural two Mayhem Month Guys of the season, featuring a serial killer with an interesting trial defense and an accused murderer with inconsistent attention to detail.

Manuel Blanco Romasanta- 49:38

Dr. Tomasz Kosowski- 1:27:02

Greetings. I’m writing this from 50 years in the future. I just wanted to let those of you in September 2025 know: 50 years from now, everything is the exact same. Like, almost to a T. Technology doesn’t really advance. Pop culture hasn’t evolved. But, society hasn’t collapsed or anything. Most people can still do whatever. It all looks the same as it does right now. So, you know, do with that what you will. Oh wait, there is one key difference. In about 2025ish, a horrible science experiment goes awry and contaminates the entire atmosphere of earth. Nobody died or was disfigured or anything like that. The only thing that happened is that everyone now has a thick, luscious, head of long red hair. Basically, we all have Kathy Griffin’s hair now. Even if you shave it off or try to re-style it, it immediately grows back to the exact length and style Kathy Griffin has. It never gets longer than that though. It’s just stuck like that for everyone. We had to re-think some things about the cultural beauty standard, but you sorta get used to it eventually. That’s the only thing I can think you need to know.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can assure you that this episode of Here’s a Guy goes down in history as the 161st episode of Here’s a Guy. We start off with a listener email for the girls, a preview of Alex’s upcoming wedding, and recap some of the recent pre-wedding mishaps. Then it’s 3 tales of highly unfortunate Guys, featuring an ornithologist who got an odd retribution for his bad decision, a baseball player with a troubled personal life, and a war hero who dealt with a ton of misfortune (and bullets).

Eugene Schieffelin - 00:39:52
Andrew Toles - 01:10:15
Charles D. Barger - 01:33:09

We noticed our demographics have been skewing older and older. That's probably because the hosts themselves are getting older and older? Two of them were in their 20s when this show started, now they're all geezers. In any event, the youths are a key demographic. They're brains aren't fully developed so they're easy to exploit for profit. The problem is that we don't understand anything zoomers do or say. We find them confusing and frankly terrifying. So instead, we hired some little twerp with broccoli hair to teach us zoomer lingo in an attempt to engage with a younger audience. Here we go:

Time to spill the tea. This podcast Here's a Guy slaps! I just listened to this episode and I'm dead. The riffs are slay and the topics are bussin'. And the hosts? They got rizz. Lowkey, some might even say they're snacks. Their haters are cringe and big mad, and they need to hop off and take the L. I know it sounds like I'm dickriding, even bouncing on it, but it's true. If you think otherwise, you're sus. Skibidi (?).

There, hopefully that'll help. You know, reading that back, I think we may have been pranked. Actually, this may have been a scam. Well, better luck next time.

This week we start off with a couple listener emails and draft our favorite album opening tracks. Then it's 3 Guys, who for once, are all actually pretty cool. The first is a badass female engineer with a surprising relative, the second is an obstetrician with a unique idea for promoting premature infant care, the third is a young fellow who loved jumping off stuff a bit too much.

Judith Love Cohen - 00:48:10
Martin Couney - 01:08:55
Sam Patch - 01:41:12

Welcome to Here's a Guy, the last podcast remaining that isn't just a couple of dingbats yammering about nothing in a suspiciously nice studio setup. Seriously, podcasting as a medium is in the toilet. It's all pivoted to video, and the setups all look the exact same. The content is largely mindless, or sometimes downright dangerous, and not even in a funny or interesting way. I don't know this for sure, but I suspect big companies took over the entire industry and made it like this. I remember like 5 years ago when the podcasting world's biggest issue was that it was over-saturated. What I wouldn't give for 100 shows desperately flailing for some kind of hook. Oh god, and don't get me started on celebrity podcasts. You already have everything you could ever want, you are so rich that you're completely insulated from real life and therefore unrelatable, your agent clearly told you to do this rather than organically coming from you having anything interesting to say. But we don't do that. We're just three randos looking up weird stuff and sharing it all with you for your amusement. Totally earnest, totally sincere, grinding out content entirely on our own without some big company backing us. Now, interestingly enough, we're also different from those shows in that we do not have any money, or a big following, or the respect of the general public. Hm, I wonder what that's all about.

This week we close out the Pigskin Promenade (TM (not really (but please don't steal it))) with the NFL and college football All-Name Teams. Spoiler alert, there are some pretty surreal ones out there. Oh, and we also come up with our worst new character yet. Then it's a two-pack of Guys, featuring a PR executive who made a very bad tweet and a backup quarterback who attained hero status then did something really stupid.

Justine Sacco - 01:01:55 

Clint Longley - 01:31:52