HAT 10: Stand  That sound you hear in the distance… That’s the rumbling advance of arrested development, low standards, and aggressive ambivalence rolling in like a lunatic Greek god on a chariot of shame and misery. It seemed… once upon a time… that a plurality of the proletariat would rise, without trepidation, to stare down such licentious assholery and… wait, wait, wait. What? HERE’S A THING.

HAT 9: Indecorous   Every concept has a threshold of acceptance... yes? I dare you! I double-dog dare you! Would you eat this gross thing for $100? $200? $1,000? How much do you commies want to tax my humble income before even YOU you start to feel guilty? For parents, watching their children grow is a never-ending crucible of awkward milestones along the inexorable march to adulthood. A minefield of threshold acceptance, as it were. How do we deal with these cringe-worthy events? Well, HERE’S A THING.

HAT 8: Better  Put your head on the pillow and ask yourself, “Was I a little better person today than I was yesterday?” Next step: Put your feet on the floor in the morning and be a little bit better than you were the day before. If you can accomplish that mission then it’s been a better day than it could have been. It doesn’t take much, and all you have to do is care. That takes discipline, and that’s up to you. Day by day and brick by brick you build your legacy. What can you accomplish this weekend? Well, HERE’S A THING.

HAT 7: DelightfulA certain amount of angst is a healthy thing. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. Why get bent out of shape about stuff? Why allow myself to become aggravated over the spikes and swales of the day-to-day business of life? I speak a great deal on the topic of balance. Do I not? Well, clearly, living a balanced life means experiencing and displaying a full spectrum of emotions. Football fans, if you didn’t get all angst-y when your kicker lines up for the 57-yard field goal attempt, tie score with one second on the clock to beat your rival… how would it feel when the ball sailed through the uprights? Well… HERE’S A THING.

HAT 6: CommunicationIf you had GOOD parents then you were the averse and irascible stipendiary of numerous directives like, “Stand up straight, pick up your feet, and move with a purpose!”, “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”, or the ever-popular, “Chew with your mouth closed, for crying out loud! Were you raised by wolves?” Although, sadly the emphasis on demanding decent table manners seems to have atrophied. But, I’ll wax nostalgic some other time. You got a handful of minutes to find out what the BEST parents taught? Well, HERE’S A THING.Since the dawn of time a few things have remained fundamental, nay, foundational to human existence. Life, liberty, and happiness? Sure. Comfy shoes and a warm place to poop? What could be better? But, the essence of life exists on another plane. How could you ever make a stand for freedom or find the restroom without clear and purposeful communication skills. You see, in spite of the current convention, life is about doing, creating, and teaching. Life is to be lived, not endured. Life isn’t static; nothing in the universe is static.If you had good parents then you had parents who encouraged you to read and write, corrected your grammar at strategic times, and would not allow you to mumble responses to inquiries with downcast eyes. Those things, along with constantly badgering you about your posture and good table manners, matter. They are key building blocks of character and human interaction which allow you to function as an elevated member of society.If your parents taught you that none of those "little" things matter, that you should shuffle your way through life making no effort to do anything more than that which is necessary for survival... to only indulge the id... well, then you had lazy parents who stunted your development.I say all of that to say this. Communication is the single most critical element to survival within the structure of common society. Even infants develop communication skills in order to eat, stay clean, express discomfort, and so on. Adults in society used to nurture and develop this critical skill as it is fundamental to creating a better life for oneself. Proper and elevated communication allows you to talk to the good-looking girl/guy, give the A+ presentation in class, stand out among dozens interviewing for a job, get the loan to start a business, and on and on.Lately it seems like a perfunctory act, on the order of breathing, to distribute handheld porn and distraction machines to all of the kids shortly after birth and let them have at it. When was the last time you looked around a room and DIDN’T see most everyone nose-down in the little glowing screen of mental sawdust? The result is young people who can barely speak anymore, and I mean physically form words and utter them in anything resembling a coherent sentence. And why is this? Because they speak, read, and write on a fractional level of the average human from past generations. If you find this to be a normal progression of human development, then we are on different planets. Conversation is a high art form and we are washing it down the sewer with a fire hose.… ok, stop right here… People, I know it’s painful trying to engage your children in anything sort of meaningful, but you must make them involve themselves in the actual physical world around them. Read, write, think, speak. These muscles must be exercised or they will atrophy. This isn’t a new fight for a new generation. This fight is as old as time. The problem is that we don’t seem to have the stones to fight anymore. Alright…Please allow me to converge on the crux of my point. On the subledger are older adults who used to be the caretakers of the culture and the firewall between ignorance and an elevated civilization. Our parents and grandparents were willing to suffer the slings and arrows of peevish children because they knew these lessons would give them the basic tools for success in life. Not so much anymore. Today’s adults are failing today’s youth in catastrophic fashion.If I may take a moment to underscore a particular nugget of discontent; a burr under my saddle, pea under my mattress, a chia seed under my gum as it were. I have bloviated about this multiple times over the past few years, but now it has reached critical mass in my soul and stands as evidence of the death of effective communication. VERSE AND VERSUS ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE!!!I hear dummies say it on television, but now because it has gone on uncorrected and unabated like a virus of nescience, it has crept into other realms of concept transmission that should be buffered from this kind of libertine stupidity.It is grotesque, but understandable, for a lesser speaker to utter a word within the context of an unscripted conversation that is misspoken or improper. But, now I'm hearing this particular malaprop on podcasts recited by people of genuine education who communicate for a living and have the power of review-and-edit prior to publishing. This has made me sad, but now I'm outright depressed. Last night I read the following sentence in an excerpt from a legendary print publication. "... the only thing standing in the way of a No. 1-verse-No. 2 showdown...". Someone had to type this and someone else had to proof it. Or maybe there's no such thing as an editor anymore.Perhaps I can underscore my vexation with the following:It's the wrong word! You can't substitute or interchange words like that which are not even definition-adjacent. This stuff matters. Why not use nurse, terse, purse, hearse, verge, versa, verve? Close enough, right? How long until we communicate utilizing a series of grunts and nods? Speaking of "verge", we're already on the verge of completely surrendering to a language without verbs that express the very state of existence. "To be, or not to be? That is the question." What would Hamlet say now? “I sad! Truth, yo.”? I had to stop my own child mid sentence the other day to be certain that she knew that "Ima" isn't a word so she wouldn't use it in a job interview. She rolled her eyes and huffed, but I could not possibly care less. I'm not here to be her buddy. I'm her parent and her primary teacher. And I'm a good parent… regardless of what she says. My proof is that she did, in fact, understand the concept of I am, I will, I shall, I was, etc. They are paying attention. Feed them what they need. Set them up for success.If you have listened this far then it is extremely likely that you are a good parent, and/or have or had good parents. Fight back. If we don't... well, look around. We've already lost most of the culture to sloth and ignorance.One of the simplest practices by which you may elevate yourself from the vast sea of dummies is to engage in clear communication. Stand up straight, smile, engage in meaningful eye contact, speak from your gut, and say the thing you want to say. Do NOT look at the floor, do that tongue-tisking thing, or begin any utterance with any version of “To be honest…”. If you say that then necessarily I, as the listener, must presume that everything else you say is dishonest. Furthermore, practice speaking in full sentences and paragraphs. This will help you avoid the dreaded “upspeak”. You know what that sounds like. “Today I went to the PARK. And I pet some DOGS. Then I had some ice CREAM.” This vocal abomination is the direct result of shorthand social media interaction, metastasized by a non-functional school system, and encouraged by lazy adults.Finally, if you find yourself involved in a non-verbal form of message delivery such as a business or professional email, give those proven best practices a shot. Begin with a greeting, indicate who you are, briefly state the purpose of your message, thank them for their time, and sign off. Nothing results in the deposit of your message into digital purgatory more swiftly than one that reads as, “Gimmie.”The formulation and effective communication of ideas is critical. It’s not an anachronistic, post-post-modern annoyance held over by your grandparents. Imagine the art, philosophy, science, and cultural growth that would never have been without the articulation of ideas. I want you to do four things each day: Read, Write, Think, Speak. Put down your phone, allow your mind to disengage from pre-programmed filler, and discuss your thoughts with a friend. I bet you’ll be happy with the results.That’s enough to ponder for now. This episode of the podcast is dedicated to my parents, Jenni Campbell, the entire late-1980s Language Arts department of Sprayberry High School, and all torch-bearers of elevated discourse across space and time. Here’s A Thing can be found on the Podbean app, iTunes & Apple Podcasts, [email protected], and everywhere else in the podcast universe. Episodes will also be posted on Twitter and Facebook which, when properly deployed, can be effective communication tools no matter how evil they can also be. Please subscribe, rate, and review. Your active support is critical. Become a patron and donate to the cause by following the show link.James C. Humes said, “The art of communication is the language of leadership.” Word up. Whatever you’re about to do, get after it 100% or don’t bother the rest of us. You owe that to yourself because integrity matters. If you can’t be anything else today, be authentic. It’ll pay off.

HAT 5: Remember Music?Human beings are confronted with complex and disquieting issues day by day and minute by minute. There are sophisticated existential puzzles to solve and critical decisions to make upon which the balance of the future could rest. The following is not one of them, but it’s definitely a thing. Today’s affair centers around a timeless source of friction spanning countless generations. What is this nebulous conundrum that has plagued mankind for eons? Well, HERE’S A THING. There is little doubt that when young, and not-yet-great, Alexander was sitting in his room doing hammer ons on his lyre Philip II of Macedon could be heard shouting, “Turn that shit down!” Is the world any different today?Not especially, so I have a mission for you. It should be simple to execute given the near-universal access to digital content. All it requires is a few minutes of your time and the fortitude to irritate your children for the sake of the culture.Construct the following songlist and play it whenever your kids are in the car. Don't say anything; just play it. And don't take any shit about it because, regardless of their protestations, they desperately need this guidance from you. Have you heard what they're listening to? They are DYING for composition, instrumentalism, vocal ability, and anything resembling a melody. This lack of musicality knows no genre or demographic. The atonal detritus being produced and distributed to your unwitting adolescent is the audio equivalent of a rug burn to the forehead. It’s like Satan gathered all the world’s musical instruments and threw them down the stairs. And not your basement stairs either, but that 900 foot escalator that descends into the depths of the Atlanta airport.Do not accept that the current state of affairs is "just the way it is"! Push back against that which you know to be encyclopedic BS. You know that three dudes are sitting in a room in Burbank making all of this noise, because somehow we’re at a place where hip hop, pop, and country all sound exactly the same. And apparently these three dudes assassinated rock and roll somewhere along the line.Now, I selected these 24 songs from my personal library. This is not the end-all-be-all and I am in no way telling you that these are the 24 best songs ever. That’s stupid and some of you need to stop thinking it. This doesn’t even cover the breadth and scope of my personal taste, but it’s a great cross-section. This is simply a list of songs that spans style and season and has a common thread . There are a million more great tunes that could be dropped in here anywhere, but this is a great cross-section.-Express Yourself-Madonna -Baby Love-Mother's Finest -Pop Life-Prince -Good Time-Leroy -Oh Happy Day-Edwin Hawkins Singers -My House-Flo Rida -Blue-LeAnn Rimes -Solace Of You-Living Color -Southern State Of Mind-Darius Rucker -Drop Dead Legs-Van Halen -Peg-Steely Dan -Sugar-Maroon 5 -Home Sweet Home-Motley Crue -Let Love Rule-Lenny Kravitz -Walking On Sunshine-Katrina & The Waves -Bust A Move-Young MC -Bohemian Rhapsody-Queen -Just A Gigolo-David Lee Roth -Jive Talkin'-Bee Gees -Running On Empty-Jackson Browne -All I Wanna Do-Sheryl Crow -Lay Your Hands On Me-Bon Jovi -Little Guitars-Van Halen -Take It Easy (Live)-EaglesThese songs all share a common element... a friggin' melody. They also have a hook and a groove. You know... music. It’s funny; my 16-year-old daughter says I hate everything when it comes to music. While it’s an accurate statement that I am, shall we say, a bit acerbic when delivering art critique; if she had a truth gun to her head she’d have to admit that I have more than a few of “her” songs among my various playlists. You see, I could not possibly care less about the genre or generation of the sound that hits my ear. If I can’t find a melody, I’m out. You have to start there. Then you can begin to embellish. The greatest blessing of the time in which we live is the instant total access to information, including the arts and entertainment realm, via a handheld pocket-sized device that weighs about 6 ounces. That is a miracle of ingenuity. Somewhat less miraculous is the flip side of that coin which is the sad fact that we seem to be engaging said technology mostly for porn, drug trafficking, and disengagement from life. Were you aware that Candy Crush made a billion-and-a-half dollars in micro transactions in 2018? Dazzling use of resources, wouldn’t you say?Anyway, the point I’m trying to drift toward is that because we seem so eager to ram electronic devices into kids’ hands as soon as they can hold their heads up, they have access to all the music of the world. That is an incredible blessing. It wasn’t all that long ago that we had to go to the record store or wait to hear stuff on the radio. I know, “That’s a great story, grandpa!” Because almost no effort is required to procure music today, we are missing a tremendous opportunity to educate our kids… which seems to be rampant and accepted, but let me not digress into another episode.The kids don’t have to listen to mom and dad’s music in the car anymore. There’s an important generational link that’s missing here. Mom and dad’s music may have sucked, but at least the next generation was exposed to it and could carry it forward or not based on choice. Today kids are locked in their own earbud prison assimilating whatever narrow slice of the musical pie the algorithm shoves into their consciousness over and over and over. Just like everything else in this sanitized and unchallenging culture, the learning curve isn’t curvy anymore. It’s a flatline just like every damned thing else we’re doing. We’ve filed off the edges and sanded down the middle. How many of your warmest memories involve music that reminds you of your family? Don’t cheat your children of that experience. Take away the earbuds and lock the phones next time you’re in the car with the family. You’re in charge. Friggin’ act like it. Blow their minds by spinning up a mix of Tony Bennett, Captain & Tennille, Voivod, and Public Enemy. I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the reaction. You’ll at least create about 15 minutes they’ll never forget.That’s enough to ponder for now. This episode is dedicated to Lenny Kravitz who blew my mind with his musical brilliance in 1989, to Nikki Sixx who understands on another level how to craft a hook and entertain the hell out of the people, and Prince whose genius may never be fully comprehended. Here’s A Thing can be found on the Podbean app, iTunes & Apple Podcasts, [email protected], and everywhere else in the podcast universe. Episodes will also be posted on Twitter and Facebook which makes me want to yak because social media is mental sawdust. Please subscribe, rate, and review. Your active support is critical. Become a patron and donate to the cause by following the show link.Whatever you do, get after it 100% or don’t bother the rest of us. And, if you can’t be anything else today, be authentic. It’ll pay off.

HAT 4: BLT… Universal Harmony On BreadEvery now and then, and often at just the right time, the universe will remind you that in spite of whatever jackassery du jour is currently eroding what remains of your sanity that things will be okay. You simply have to be courageous enough to play the long game and surrender your trust to the precept that the universe demands balance. One can find balance in sunrise and sunset or even in the bipolar mood swings of a teenager. But, the most delightful place to find perfect balance is right in your pantry. Does that sound crazy? Well, HERE’S A THING…Rare and treasured are the days when one is able to take delight in finding the simplest of universal truths among the perpetual friction and frenzy of existence. Fear not, for there exists a place free from discordant dissonance. The sheltered harbor in which you seek refuge from the chaos is known as balance. There are forces battling for your soul, ladies and gentlemen. Conventional wisdom will tear you asunder, but universal truth will always be your beacon in the darkness. Conventional wisdom is nothing more than the intellectual clutter of quasi-informed kiddie pool pirates which aimlessly bumps into the walls of the whims of popular narrative. But, universal truth… universal truth is pure function and reason, a perfect state that transcends spacetime and simply IS. Topping the list of the blessed invariable constants that form the ethereal substance of existence is the harmony of balance. And, as I noted previously and will evangelize until my eternal celestial dirt nap, the universe will always demand balance. Where can you find the perfect embodiment of balance in your world? What if I told you the answer was between two slices of white bread?There may be no more perfect balance of flavor and texture in the physical universe than the bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. Crispy and salty bacon with a hint of fat for flavor and chew, bright and acidic tomato, the earthy and watery crunch of iceberg lettuce, the creamy tang of mayo that insulates the lightly toasted white bread from becoming soggy. Each element of the BLT humbly serves a function as part of a thing greater than itself. Each element of the BLT gives itself to the fusion, creating perfection from simple beauty the way the spectrum of colors creates pure white light without destroying its constituents. This sandwich is an engineering marvel. It is complex in its simplicity. It is esculent joy. It is childhood before multiplicity ruins life. It is the comestible enlightenment. It is perfect.I recently heard someone utter the following collection of syllables. "The BLT is overrated." I had to take a knee and evaluate the foundation of my philosophy to ensure I was still on earth. To borrow from George Carlin, that sentence makes as much sense as, "Hand me that piano." It’s incongruous. The BLT is perfection in its simple elegance. To say it’s overrated as a sandwich is to say water doesn’t have much to offer as a beverage. Water is what it’s supposed to be. It doesn’t need to be anything else to accomplish its mission. The same is true for our dear friend, the unpretentious BLT. Unpretentious means simple and honest and that is precisely what the BLT delivers. Isn’t that the essence of what we’re all looking for here? Authenticity! The bacon, lettuce, & tomato sandwich is verisimilitude on bread. Mankind is inclined to make sad attempts at enhancing that which needs no enhancement, inclined to monkey around with everything from fonts and margins to the human genome when bored for more than three seconds, instead of taking a small step back and enjoying the gift of simple elegance we paint racing stripes on it and stencil our name on the door. Brioche, cheese, avocado, garlic aioli, and micro greens accompanied by bacon can certainly make a delicious sandwich, but do not have the temerity to call it a BLT for it is something else entirely. It is conventional wisdom while the BLT is universal truth. You may not eat BLTs. You may hate BLTs. You may be totally ambivalent regarding all sandwiches and general food discussion. I support all of those positions. However, you may never think that the BLT is overrated. That is irrational and does not equate to a thought. Next you'll tell me that thermodynamics proves perpetual motion.And so I say to you, the sadly misguided soul who sees the BLT as something nascent and unimproved... There are so very few truly special things in this world. Please be more thoughtful when venturing a discussion about them. Find a mentor who will teach Socratically. Spend time thinking and writing. Travel and immerse yourself among the world's cultures. Work with children. Start your own business. Celebrate your 40th birthday. Then consider verbalizing an opinion about the BLT.Too Soon Old, Too Late SmartEmbrace the simple joy of balance without pretense.That’s enough to ponder for now. This episode is dedicated to Socrates who died pursuing critical thought, Alton Brown who taught me everything about the importance of balance in flavor and texture of food, and my wife who taught me how to be. These are my three greatest idols and icons of balance and reason. Also, special thanks to Neal Boortz for the delightful turn of phrase that I pirated. Hope it isn’t copyrighted. Here’s A Thing can be found on the Podbean app, iTunes & Apple Podcasts, [email protected], and everywhere else in the podcast universe. Episodes will also be posted on Twitter and Facebook. Please subscribe, rate, and review. Your active support is critical. Become a patron and donate to the cause by following the show link.Whatever you do, get after it 100% or don’t bother the rest of us. And, if you can’t be anything else today, be authentic. It’ll pay off.

HAT 3: IsolationThe psychological imprint of being separated from others is so detrimental that it has been used as a cognitive torture device for millennia. The mere threat of it can alter behavior. “Johnny, behave or stand in the corner.” In prison, what do they do to you for violating the rules in an arena not commonly distinguished by its social graces? They stick your ass in solitary confinement. Separated… isolated. Have you been isolated by our broken culture? Do you need a place to be? Well, HERE’S A THING.I’ll stake my reputation on the notion that no one, not one human being possessing purchase of their reason, has ever experienced joy or pain… and preferred to be alone in that moment. Hit a hole-in-one on the links? Not only do you run around high-fiving everyone in your immediate vicinity; after the round of golf you buy drinks for everyone in the clubhouse and regale anyone who will listen with your tale of glory. Equally but oppositely true. Have you ever received terrible news and thought, “I wish there was no one here to comfort me.”? Not a chance, because there’s power in a warm embrace and a calm voice that says nothing more than, “I’m here for you.”This isn’t weakness! It’s survival. It’s the rationale for isolation when someone is trying to tear you down.SEAL Teams, A-Teams, Fire Teams, and battle buddies. Elite warriors operate in groups for maximum effectiveness. Book club, golf club, poker night, game night. Would you be interested in any of these as a solo endeavor?We can all take our turns at humor when it comes to interaction with our fellow earth inhabitants. The Dear-God-I’m-going-to-live-on-the-side-of-a-mountain-in-Idaho trope is strong within each of us. Regardless of our cursory chimera of separating ourselves from that which annoys us, there is no uncertainty that our spiritual well-being is enhanced by quality interaction with our cohorts. Equally undeniable is the insanity-inducing agitation of UN-quality interaction we experience with flesh-covered obstacles disguised as humans seemingly sent to set traps meant to capture common sense and mount its head on the wall like a trophy. BUT… there is value in those interactions, as well, for there is no growth without adversity. One cannot isolate oneself, even from life’s nonsense, without causing damage to the mind, body, and soul.The inception of this podcast spent about a year in the mental and emotional queue, waiting for the proper catalyst to put a boot on the kickstand and send it down the hill. That impetus came in the form of an extraordinary friend and an extraordinarily humiliating and infuriating experience. The latter was a gut-punch that kicked me into a dark pit of desolation while the former was the bucket that lifted me out of the well and got me back in front of this microphone.I realize that I’m mixing metaphors like a crazy person, so I’ll plainly state that I intend for this podcast to be a home base for the derelict expatriates of a society gone insane. The new counterculture is reason and balance, and those who are willing to die on that hill deserve a sense of place. You are NOT alone in the wilderness… no matter what they say. Make no mistake; this is not a self-help workshop. This is a forward operating base.That’s enough to ponder for a little while. This episode is dedicated to the sheepdogs standing watch. We need to grow this community and let more people know that they’re not stranded on a sandbar. That takes your active support. Stand at the rampart of reason by sharing this podcast with someone today and take a few seconds to give a 5-star rating and a review. Your review can be two words or a short novel. Your interaction is the single most important factor in keeping a new podcast alive. You can find Here’s A Thing where you are NOW, obviously, and anywhere else podcasts are available. Here’s A Thing is based at Podbean and they have an app you can get on the App Store and Google play to listen to this and all your favorites. That’s [email protected] paraphrase Gene Autry and countless others, Vaya con dios, homies. Whatever you’re about to do, get after it 100% or don’t bother. And, if you can’t be anything else today, be authentic. It’ll pay off.

HAT 2: Authenticity Insight and inspiration generally materialize when you’re not looking. If you’re lucky, they show up when you’re about to concede defeat to the universe and saunter into the valley of indifference. On the final day of 2019 a simple word crystalized my thoughts and gave the onrushing new year a purpose.If you have a handful of minutes and want to hear how cultural exile and my search for a lawnmower led me to this place… well, Here’s A Thing.I’ve drifted in idea purgatory for the better part of a year surviving day-to-day, sometimes hour-to-hour, by consuming random and sporadic bits of hope and light as they creased my consciousness like gustatory, spiritual manna sent to keep the dread wolf of banality away from the hatch. I have struggled with a sense of PNG; persona non grata, unaccepted and unwelcome anywhere. That can’t be. Can it? I know real people are out there. I’ve heard you in the wilderness, but I can’t find you. Maybe the little red light on this microphone can be a beacon.In the spring of 2019 (which in my nape of the weeds begins around mid-February) I set out upon a mission to acquire a new lawnmower.  I had my previous lawnmower for 10 years and never did more than put gas in it. 10 brutal seasons of abuse, and never once did it fail to fire up. If that company wants to sponsor the podcast I’d be happy to promote that product. Year 11 we bought a new house with a new yard, so why not splurge on a new mower!?!? And when I say “splurge” I mean purchase the cheapest new thing I could reasonably justify. I’m simply not the guy who puts resources into crap like that, which brings me back to lawnmower 2 remembering what a failure-free workhorse lawnmower 1 was. Lawnmower 2… 2 seasons, 2 trips to the repair shop which, naturally, cost more than the lawnmower itself. Now I’m getting irritated because, as I indicated previously, I don’t fancy spending money to do something I don’t want to do in the first place. I could have given the money I spent on the lawnmower and its subsequent repairs to a neighborhood kid and had my grass cut for two years.So, when lawnmower 2 failed to start last spring I said to myself, “SELF… you need a better option. You need something low-tech and low maintenance. Something that, if it failed, you could throw into the pond behind the house to create a reef for the catfish and start over.” What about a reel mower? I don’t mean real as in existential. I mean reel (R-E-E-L) like you see Beaver Cleaver using in 1957. No engine, no oil, no gas, no worries. And, accordingly, I began my search at the epicenter of everything; that A-word.com company from the internet of things. I can sit here, upon the very chair from whence I speak, and scrutinize limitless products related to my needs. Furthermore, I can read the wisdom and advice of those who have made similar procurements before me.What a treasure trove of… complete… bullshit. You see, I’m transitioning from landscape equipment to my original point. I seek the voice of the people for perceptive prescription, but instead I get a thousand vegan, celiac, hypochondriacs who juice their grass clippings giving one-star reviews because the delivery guy wore a red shirt that triggered their cats into emotional desolation. You’d think that would be enough palaver to mock, but NO. Accompanying this cartel of fatuous lunacy is that lovely group of people who water their astoundingly lush lawn in a drought whilst lifting their middle finger at nature herself. You see, these people who put their lawn debris in landfills are giving one-star reviews because after pushing a thing without an engine around the yard they discovered they had hamstrings and that each individual blade of grass didn’t laser-measure the same length. Godalmighty!So, instead of reading, “I-bought-this-thing-for-sixty-bucks-and-it-worked-just-fine.” we are treated to a cascade of verbal diarrhea from virtue-signaling turd weasels who couldn’t find their own ass with both hands and GPS. These people wouldn’t recognize a genuine thought if they were parachuted into a comic book convention. And that’s when I realized exactly what has been bothering me for so long.Everyone is completely full of shit. From the top down, bottom up, and inside out. (the more perspicacious of you may recognize what I did there)… ANYWAY, I had it; the reason for my melancholy and malaise. I can work my way around all kind of nonsense; ignorance, laziness, pure evil. Each of these are easily dealt with if they come from a place of candor. If the booger-eater tells you he’s dumb as a stump, but will never try to influence your life, you can deal with that head-on. Same with the Taliban guy who continually reminds you that his mission in life is remove your head from the rest of you. It’s RIGHT THERE.You know what’s worse than the Taliban? The suburban Gen-Xer in yoga pants with the green and white latte cup permanently attached to its hand walking past the Guatemalan landscape crew to stand next to her Hate Doesn’t Live Here yard sign and swap stories with her Millennial protege with the fake eyelashes and push-up sports bra about how much she hates insert-designated-soft-target-WASP-group-here. Of equal mendacity are the self-righteous God-Squaders who show up on Sundays in the name of Jesus and scroll through social media during the choir’s anthem. There are a million-and-one examples of this brand of culturally systemic moral chicanery, and most are not this easily lampooned or identifiable.So, where are we? How do we address this communal bilge? How do I frame my foundation into something coherent? And that’s where I drifted until a messenger sat in my kitchen on New Year’s Eve in the form of a friend seeking the same thing. Authenticity. There it is. There’s the word for which I’ve been searching to use as the nail with which to pound my theses onto the door of treachery. I don’t generally lack for words, but this one escaped me and I cannot tell you why. Maybe I needed that particular friend at that particular time to bring me the message I was unable to articulate for so long. I strongly believe that we are here for reasons beyond catering to the id. It may be nothing more than a word or a pat on the back so well timed it changed a life. I believe in that because I believe in the interconnectedness of humanity and I want you to figure out what your part is or die trying.If you feel like you can’t be anything else, be authentic. Our way of life has been steeped in dishonesty for so long it scares me how close we are to the edge of the cliff. Turn around, take a step back, and be authentic. That word means “real” and “genuine” and those concepts can be terrifying. But, I guarantee you that nothing in this world will be more liberating than authenticity. It could be a little ghastly at first. Kinda like removing all stop signs, traffic lights, and road control devices. You do that and there’s going to be a huge bloodbath. But, eventually the authentic drive for survival will overcome the state-imposed conditioning of control and traffic will flow with grace. Or it could be Bangalore at noon.That’s enough to ponder for now. This episode of the podcast is dedicated to Jennifer Friedman. The best people in your life show up when they’re meant to. Here’s A Thing can be found on the Podbean app, iTunes & Apple Podcasts, [email protected], and everywhere else in the podcast universe. Episodes will also be posted on Twitter and Facebook. Please subscribe, rate, and review. Your active support is critical. Become a patron and donate to the cause by following the show link.In the immortal words of the late, great James Brown, “Get up… a-get on up-ah.” Whatever you do, get after it 100% or don’t bother the rest of us. And, if you can’t be anything else today, be authentic. It’ll pay off.

HAT 1: Start HereWhat do sandwiches, communication skills, cosmic harmony, bad drivers, social media, generational responsibility, teenagers, the fate of liberty, bacon, and coffee have to do with one another? Everything! Those subjects, and a million more everyday occurrences, are the elements that affect your day and your life in ways great and small. Your life isn’t a smooth path of rainbows. Your life is a jagged histogram full of peaks and valleys. It’s the little stuff that matters to you that we’ll cover on HERE’S A THING.They tell you not to sweat the small stuff and that it’s all small stuff. Well, if you’re anything like me, you know that’s post-modern bullshit disguised as sound philosophy. What do you mean? You’re telling me to NOT worry about what’s being rammed into my kid’s head in school, why chicken is so expensive when there are damn chickens everywhere, why this jackass doesn’t understand the importance of proper turn signal utilization, or if the housing market is going to crash tomorrow. I mean, that’s all small stuff… right? And I’m not supposed to worry about it… right? Wrong. That kind of nonsensical quasi-thought is debris of crumbled cultures.I invite you, the isolated and lonely keepers of reason and balance, to join me here each day as we attempt to elevate one another above the vast and tumultuous sea of dummies. You’ll find many things to love here. Among them will be initiative, fortitude, encouragement through challenge, aplomb, language artsThere are things you will never find here and near the top of that list are sacred cows. Pearl-clutching is prohibited in addition to gasping from mandatory emotional trauma and stupefaction in response to anything I say including the affirmation of the existence of BAD parents. “(Gasp!) Bad parents…? Why, I never!” Settle down, Gert, and cast your gaze across the landscape. You won’t find low-hanging fruit here, either. We’ve spent enough time crushing the prospects of our progeny through the insipid barbarity of low expectations.There’s nothing revelatory here, folks, because (and I want you to go look this phrase up under things-that-make-ya-go-hmm) there’s nothing new under the sun. I’m simply hollering universal truths into this microphone that you’ve been conditioned to believe don’t matter. Well, allow me to shatter your protective snow globe of underwhelming mediocrity and say to you, “Guess what, princess… this stuff matters.”That was a bit edgy. Was it not? Don’t worry… I can laugh at anyone. Most especially myself. Hopefully we’ll do a good bit of that, too. Come along, won’t you? It will never be boring. Not to me, anyway.That’s enough to ponder for now. This episode of the podcast is dedicated to the United States Marine Corps which taught me that attention to detail is essential to living. Literally. Here’s A Thing can be found on the Podbean app, iTunes & Apple Podcasts, [email protected], and everywhere else in the podcast universe. Episodes will also be posted on Twitter and Facebook. Please subscribe, rate, and review. Your active support is critical. Become a patron and donate to the cause by following the show link.Don’t sweat the small stuff? No. A million little things ignored stack up to one huge mess. Look around. Whatever you do, get after it 100% or don’t bother the rest of us. And, if you can’t be anything else today, be authentic. It’ll pay off.