Here's An Idea!

There’s no way around it. No matter how many Bradley Cooper brand Smart Drugs™ he does, Dave has bean-brains. Soldiering on, The Boys talk about sneaking around your own house like a creep in the night, how everything they teach you in school is bullshit and treasured TV personalities. Grab your pickaxe and your walkman, cuz we’re doin’ a flashback to the 80s, when men were prospectors and the age of consent was 10.

What happens if a doctor gets sick? NO ONE KNOWS! But The Boys are getting to the bottom of it. They’re also discussing horrible American accents (like Boston), the trials and tribulations of Elon Musk, AND they play everyone’s favorite game: What Do You Know About Sonic The Hedgehog? Grab your magic scarves and strand yourself on a desert island. It’s time to convince hungry strangers not to eat you!

The boys discuss how hard you’d have to work out to S your own D, while dealing with the fact that Joel has replaced himself with a soundboard that only speaks 9 phrases. Play chest-checkers and king your nipples, it’s Catholic Lizard Illuminati and talking frogs all the way down!

The Boys spend some time figuring out what other pedophile-based inventions Elon Musk has crafted in his sinister workshop, how a baby might be customized in the womb via CRISPR and the economics of the Mushroom Kingdom. This episode is basically a college level education FOR FREE!

Take a trip back to when the boys were merely lads, and Mr. and Ms. Explosm weren’t even a glint in the boys’ eyes. Listen to the original, never-aired pilot episode for a podcast that might have been called Lap Reactions! Cuck Chat With The Beta Boys! Talkie Time With Dem Boys, Those American Boys: Talkin’ It Up, Farms, Firearms and Lucky Charms, Sausage Talk with The Explosm Talkie Boys, The Cuckabunch with The Explosm Boys! The Nipple Boys Podcast, The Nibblecast, The Nepal-cast, The Nibblercast, or The Catfish Nip Boys. Joel is one saying racist stuff this time, which is weird (because Joel’s not Rob).

The boys rejoice as Rob returns from the (supposed) dead and tells the tale of his dark days as a pigeon whose dad is a bus. Dave lauds the heroic farting security guard, Joel follows up with our Canadian Podophiles re: The Dick Trolley Problem, and Kris pops out of his pants (and shirt, and shorts) while trying to seduce Ms. Explosm. Don’t let anyone piss on your shoe umbrellas! It’s time to learn how, where and why babies are made!

The boys are down one boy, but that isn’t stopping them from getting down in the jizzy dirt and answering the hard questions: Is Rob dead? Is Courtney Love a sea witch? Have Dave’s parents done it more than once? What would the middle set of genitals look like? Glue on your Keith Urban soul patch, rack up that Johnny Debt (baby) and toss yourself on the baby blood pile!

Finally free of Mr. Explosm, the boys expect to have a half day/pizza day day talking about penises, and sex machines and trains. Instead, they talk about those things AND have to deal with a totally unexpected new foe?! Round up your bad boy gang, do some crimes and say some swears! It’s time for family togetherness!

Which Explosm Boy is the most racist? It’s Rob. Who is Henrietta Cumbangs? She’s a He-Man traffic cone. What’s the correct answer to the Five Guys Trolley Problem? WHO CARES?! Dave is back and he brings revelatory news about Mr. Explosm that will change the boys’ lives FOREVER!

Where were you when the world realized Calvin & Hobbes was racist? Where were you when The Pinko Commie Horse Of Hate turned heal? Where were The Boys™ when Mr. Explosm failed to make an appearance and struck an uneasy terror in the hearts of all? Locked in their windowless writing room like always! When the cat’s away, the mice are too paranoid to play!