This one is about what it’s like to feel your feelings. And how growing up as a Korean immigrant made feelings unsafe since anything outside of ‘gratefully chill’ was an insult to parental sacrifice. This is also about the Netflix show Beef.

This one is about scheduling. And how for creative work, the line between social engagements vs career obligations can be confusing. Plus, how I can tell if I really REALLY don’t want to go to a work thing that masquerades as a fun thing.

This one about how abundance feels dreadful and terrifying! And how to ease into the reminder that this is what it is to want and wish and actually do the work.

Learning when to trust your instincts and when to listen but intentionally ignore them in order to seek growth and do scary, vital things (in my case, ask people for money).

This is a reflection on Adderall and creative work. And where I’ve landed on taking it as it relates to writing my novel. And how much I’ve learned in eating disorder recovery about how to frame struggles with neurodivergence. TL; DR self-loathing quickly outlives its usefulness as a tool or energy source!

This one is on how I want ADHD medication to be a magical solution that doesn’t affect other aspects of my brain. And how seductive it can be to believe that my unmedicated state is a purer kind of creativity.

This one is about emotional sobriety and drama addiction. And what dread and doom feels like in my body. Plus, the stunning revelation that I have been a maniac with my mom and not solely the other way around.

My memories are coming back. They’re not chronological and they don’t feel profound but as there’s been more healing and thawing and the fear is lessening, glimpses of my adolescence are returning. I’m remembering what it was to be inside a body I hated in a family I loathed and being totally petrified and overwhelmed and I am so grateful! It’s almost as if those corridors are opening up as I’m trusting myself to get myself back to where I need to be.

This is about moving as an emotionally sober person and how it sucks that I’m not totally dissociated but how I know it’s also better for me.

How I was diagnosed with ADHD and how being medicated and genre-aware of this hostage situation known as MY BRAIN is helping me be gentle with myself. And also how, as a dissociative person, diagnosis seems wild unreliable since it requires me to be the one who knows how I’m FEELING.