This is about optics and allyship. And this instinct to create a moral issue out of actions. It’s about virtue signaling and authenticity and how you are the only one who knows the tone with which you’re doing things. This is about how I am surprised at my own discomfort, shame and fear around acts of dissent. This is also for people who can’t protest for one reason or another and don’t think they can do anything else without being a hypocrite.

Does good news around your career immediately make you panic and feel wretched despite also being aware that you better feel grateful because how dare you? This is about how professional anxiety and how imposter syndrome is universal but also a weirdly egocentric tact to take. Maybe people don’t expect you to RULE at something you’ve never done before. And maybe you can’t totally sabotage a project in which you’re playing one part among many.

This one is about mothers.

This is about how watching nature documentaries can get you out of dissociation and remind you that you are a living, breathing animal that has physical needs. And a gentle call to interrogate any personal mythologies or made-up stories about how long things actually take.

This is about how my routine in the morning and evening are what’s holding me together in this time. Because my natural inclination is to abandon my body and the present moment whenever things get tough.

This is about stinginess. And how I’ve been noticing a parsimonious quality to what I’ll let myself enjoy during this lockdown time. Austerity measures are all around us and economic insecurity is so real but are there small acts of kindness to self that aren’t verboten as outrageous indulgences?

TW: This one is about eating disorders. Specifically binge-eating. And how to invite some gentle mindfulness around meals during a time when food is loud for everyone.

This is about how it’s beautiful and sunny outside and how I can ruin my own mood so easily by being my neighborhood’s self-appointed hall monitor. It turns out that ruining your own mood does not actually change anyone’s opinion or behaviors.

This is about wanting to try on every tight-fitting pair of pants because I’m dissociative and I want to change the channel in my brain to create chaos. Basically it’s about weird highs or random self-harm thoughts that don’t serve you.

This about how creativity, in the time of a pandemic, is indifferent to agendas and ambition. And how to go slow, allow for receptivity and just trust that the work will take shape as long as you gently do a little each day.