This is about non-reactivity around my parents in 100+ degree weather. And how the stories I tell myself are just stories (even if they are about old wounds.) And that for all my future tripping and magical thinking around family, my parents probably have deeply skewed ideas and expectations about me too. And it all just is.

Today is my one year birthday in recovery. And here are some thoughts about emotional homework, kindness to your internal creative spirit and holiday hangovers in whatever form they take. Have a gentle day.

Wherein I try to forgive myself for having fun even though it might not be “good” for me. And muddling through why I’m convinced I’ll be punished because these foolhardy acts MUST be self sabotage. (They could be; I don’t know!)

“If you weren’t worried about it, would it even be a problem?” This is about how the brain, as an awesome and creative defense mechanism, likes to believe that it can “solve” the future through ruminating. But is RIGHT NOW as it relates to safety, food, love, really that terrible? My brain just thinks it’s helping and I am trying to find gratitude in that without it taking me out of the present.

Fear has no arms and legs. It’s only when it compels you to action or inaction that it can truly bite you. This is for those days that you feel entitled to things you can’t seem to find—wisdom, insight, skill—and the self-loathing that can come from this hubris. Another reminder that creativity and recovery are not linear and accepting where you are TODAY can be a salve.

This is about those days where you build little belief systems around every action. Where you think there’s a right and wrong answer to everything from what you eat to the order in which you do things. Those fearful, superstitious days where you’re convinced that just knowing the outcome will help you move forward despite knowing in your heart that it’s a recipe for total standstill.

Do you ever get confused when the work that is fluid and loose and maybe even a little easy isn’t the work that you intended to make? This is about how the work that comes most naturally may not be what you want to explore and how distracting and flummoxing the experience can be.

This episode is about competitive spirituality and cataclysmic thinking around recovery. And how “vague dressing” helps me get out the door on summer days when there’s too much pressure to be #Fashion.

This is about indecision, how you can feel dread around the right decision for you, and being superstitious about the “right” way to do creative work because of the seductive nature of the muse narrative.

Okay, so you might be a perfectionist even if you’re messy and slightly lazy. But you also might be emotionally immature as a person who was considered precocious since forever. This is about how to deal when you’re awkward and leery moving through the world because you’re conflict avoidant to the point of being people avoidant.