Hindsight is Horrifying

Watch the skies! Also, you gotta pay a quarter if you drive to Ohio.

Darth, Adam, and Jason get together and chat about the wonderful Steven Spielberg UFO film "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tremors: “This Valley is Just One Long Smorgasbord.”

In 1990 America, no one could ever have predicted that a movie about subterranean penis monsters would not only attract the acting talents of Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward, but also inspire almost as many sequels as Highlander.

For real, what Freud-obsessed writer decided to create a film franchise featuring the leviathan version of an unsolicited dick pic? At the very least, Darth can cackle at the silver lining of witnessing her male guest-hosts being subjected to a woman’s experience in dating.  The important lesson to glean from Tremors is that it’s completely acceptable to be an idiotic seismologist with zero knowledge of vibration or sound so long as you have stunning blue eyes and refuse to wear a bra. Add some utterly random pole-vaulting skills to that equation, and you just might get Kevin Bacon to cut foot loose.

On the other side of the spectrum, thank God for legitimately badass women like Reba McEntire. The queen of country music won’t hang up her boobs in times of crisis; Reba will bust out an elephant gun, stuff some pipe bombs, and kick some graboid ass alongside the dad from Family Ties.

As easy as it is to pick on Tremors, the franchise is much beloved. Tremors encapsulates trope monster horror with true 90s nostalgia. In fact, your favorite podcasters suspect that this movie might be where denim was last worn.

Regardless of your feelings about this cult classic, you have to admit that Tremors is nothing if not entertaining. Admit it. When the Corona pandemic broke out, you were kind of hoping for giant worms to battle; at least it would have given us all something to do besides listen to this god-forsaken podcast. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Would you murder a perfectly good dog to rescue your sibling? More importantly, would you continue to patronize your vet’s practice if they were responsible for the death of your spouse? These and so many other questions arise from a viewing of M. Night Shyamalan’s Signs. 

One thing is certain. When aliens OR cats start rattling on closed doors, you gotta get two beers and jump. The references on this podcast are nothing if not topical; your beloved podcasters blame the quarantine day drinking. The irony is not lost on Darth or Jason that they decided to release their Signs episode the very same week that the U.S. government confirmed the existence of UFOs. So hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ dogs, and bust out the water, because the aliens GON’ FIND YOU! Just don’t forget to cook one last, labor-intensive meal for your children before you all die.

Adam Brown may not know how to make fancy food, but he sure does know how to make food fancy.

Humanoid breakfasts are just the initial evidence of these podcasters’ waning mental health during week seven…hundred and forty five of quarantine. Signs certainly makes for relatable material amidst the current circumstances of isolation, UFOs, and total uncertainty.

Don’t panic yet, #Hindsighters. Your persevering podcasters have yet to bust out the tin foil hats, and it has NOTHING to do with the fact that grocery stores are completely out of tin foil.

In these trying times, we are all doing our very best not to go full Mel Gibson. You NEVER go full Mel Gibson. However, Darth would like to make it abundantly clear that her tombstone epitaph will not be changing. #DiedBetweenMelsThighs

No matter your psychological state, there’s nothing like an extraterrestrial attempting to murder your asthmatic child with wrist poison to help you suddenly remember that most beings, no matter how strange and startling, are susceptible to blunt force trauma.

During this age of unending quarantine and countless tornadoes, Darth, Jason, and Mr. Brown won’t let you down. Your adored podcasters will continue to entertain you one episode at a time, so stay tuned, stay safe, and stay sane.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.