Hindsight is Horrifying

Batman & Robin: “What Killed the Dinosaurs? THE ICE AGE!”

…and what derailed the Batman franchise for nearly a decade? This movie!

Darth and Jason host a record amount of virtual guests as they discuss a Joel Schumacher dumpster inferno of the 90s, back when Arnold Schwarzenegger commanded higher billing than George Clooney and a scantily-clad Uma Thurman drove a Yoko Ono-sized wedge between the Dynamic Duo.

Poison Ivy might be a super villainess, but her costume still doesn’t have pockets. Darth and Jason suppose she must not need them since she has Bane to carry her purse. Batman certainly doesn’t seem to carry a wallet, but you really don’t need to when you have a utility belt and super roomy codpiece.

As it turns out, falling into below-freezing water will give you epic shrinkage, yet make loyalty to your wife your new super power, just not in real life (sorry not sorry Arnold).

Not much makes sense in this movie, especially the “science”. It appears that Super Soldier Serum has wildly different effects on each individual person; after all, the serum turned Steve Rogers into Captain America and turned Bane into El Santo.

Nonetheless, your favorite podcasters have to give credit to Mr. Freeze; he takes the “in sickness and in health” part of his vows rather seriously. When your wife contracts MacGregor’s Syndrome, you gotta put that bitch into a medically-induced coma! Bitches LOVE medically-induced comas!

It’s debatable whether Batman is the good guy in this film. At least Mr. Freeze had the courtesy to put his wife into a coma; Bruce just lets Alfred waste away Woodhouse style in his fancy mansion. Darth and Jason can only assume that he blew his monthly budget on freeze rays and giant telescopes. Mr. Freeze might be a villain, but he’s still a better boss than Joe Exotic. Sure, he feeds his employees crappy frozen dinners instead of spider webs, but he doesn’t seduce them with meth and tigers. Darth and Jason feel that Freeze’s worst crime was his abuse of ice puns.

The argument could be made that when you realize mankind is slowly destroying the Earth and her greenery, it’s time to start cross-breeding plants with snakes, because LOGIC.

Lastly, let Darth and Jason know if you guys want to see “Old Adam” shower in the cowl. That’s some Patreon content, but only if your pockets and self-loathing are deep enough. Do as we say and not as we do. Stay tuned, stay safe, and stay safe.

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Robin Hood Prince of Thieves: “I’m Gonna Cut Your Heart Out with a SPOON!”

Week 5 and quarantine continues!

Adam B. (the only surviving guest host) calls in this week from his bunker to help Jason rip apart a childhood favorite of Darth’s, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves.

As we as a society discover the real danger behind the Corona Virus (self/government-inflicted confinement), Darth and Jason brazenly embrace the first step of devolvement: drinking prosecco out of coffee mugs. Don’t worry; it gets so much worse.

The social distancing mandate has shut down nearly all public businesses and schools. As a result, children AND parents are working/schooling/coexisting from home on a constant basis. Adam Brown hasn’t bathed in days and Jason can barely remember how to dress. The only thing Darth can think during this panic-inducing pandemic is, “What a time to be childless.”

Speaking of Quarantine Craziness, who was YOUR first animated Disney crush? They can be human or animal. No judgement in this corner, but extra points to the #Hindsighter who can properly guess which podcaster was enamored with the correct animated character!

Discussing the movie in question has become a problem even in the show notes… *sigh*

In this 90s “epic” starring that guy from Dances with Wolves and Mary Elizabeth Macaroni and Cheese, your favorite podcasters discover that only SOME Robin Hoods are required to speak with an English accent. Oh, and Michael Wincott was DEFINITELY in The Crow.

#Hindsighters, your darling Darth and Jason (along with the guest star that they can’t seem to get rid of), have a rare, shared opinion on this particular film, which is that Alan Rickman made this movie absolutely unforgettable. That’s a difficult feat, considering that God is also in this movie.

In spite of Jason and Adam B. kicking Darth in the teeth over this film (she got so flustered by their Statler and Waldorf heckling that she interchanged the word “rope” for “arrow”), your most beloved podcasters will continue cranking out episodes for your entertainment during the Corona pandemic. Count on it, even when Jason goes full Joe Exotic and threatens to murder that b**** Darth Jader.

Until then…stay tuned, stay safe, and stay sane.

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Shaun of the Dead: “You’ve Got Red on you.”

Nothing is sacred on this inconsistent farce of a podcast, so Darth and Jason decided to discuss Shaun of the Dead while the world is under quarantine due to the #CoronaVirus. C’mon … like it isn’t funny to discuss the Cornetto in the chaos of Corona?

Like it or not, your favorite podcasters have to believe that this pandemic will produce something good; rather, a large group of parents will produce their “Coronita” babies in December 2020. On this particular episode, Jason regrets creating a running quarantine gag! Why, you might ask? He had to put in some effort, and putting in effort is so passé.

In similar fashion, Adam B. makes zero effort to drive to the studio for this episode. Rather, he calls in from his bunker under the protection of his gas mask because he doesn’t love the #Hindsighters like Darth and Jason do. You learn who your real friends are during a quarantine, listeners-turned-viewers. We’re sorry you had to find out this way. Darth and Jason are attempting to recover from this devastating blow amidst the already imposing contagion.

No one handles quarantine claustrophobia quite like a submariner…

Boredom-induced questions abound amidst the #CoronaConfinement:

1. If you’re not preparing your children (if you’re unfortunate to have them) for the inevitable demise of their friends and upcoming concerts, are you even BEING a responsible parent?
2. Did Courtney kill Cobain? #Topical
3. Do generation categories even make sense?
4. Darth is NEVER revealing Adam’s true age; she’ll die on that hill even after he’s buried under it.
5. Why hasn’t Bill Nighy been knighted yet?

Ultimately, Darth and Jason realize that everyone is struggling with social distancing. At times like these, it’s important to keep yourself entertained with your favorite music, television shows, and obviously the greatest podcast of all time. And there’s no need to thank us; we’re no heroes. We wear on bras on our heads just like everyone else.

Stay tuned and stay safe during these troubling times, and do your best to stay sane. Special Forces will show up to save us all, eventually. In the meantime, mix yourself a nice quarantini and wait for all this to blow over. 😉

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Watch this episode on YouTube! https://youtu.be/xPnM3aq8-R4

Weird Science : “I Want to Butter Your Muffin!”

#Hindsighters, Darth and Jason know that it’s been a rough couple of weeks for everyone facing the #CoronaVirus pandemic. It’s no fun when the world goes full Outbreak, but don’t let the deadly Motaba monkey on your back get you down! Your favorite podcast is still plugging away with new content, and that’s enough to make anyone smile (or to send Darth and Jason even MORE hate mail).

This week, Darth watches a movie about two nerdy boys with her two favorite nerdy boys! Adam B. joins Jason and Darth in the studio to discuss a bizarre John Hughes film, Weird Science!

There’s nothing like a man in taped up nerd goggles to make all the ladies go wild.

When he’s young and desperate to get laid, what geeky lad wouldn’t stoop to Victor Frankenstein levels to “simulate” himself a girlfriend? Moreover, who cares about the embarrassment of a head brazier when they’re cooking up a smoking hot sorceress girl on their outlandishly expensive 80s computer?

Darth’s burning question is…who wore it better? Just kidding, RDJ all the way.

Just keep in mind, #Hindsighters, that creating the perfect girl with “computer science” is all fun and games until that girl goes full Cat in the Hat and destroys your house by inviting over Mad Max bikers. The bad news is, she won’t stop there. In fact, when your grandparents try to bust up your sick ass 80s house party, your computer simulated girlfriend will freeze those bastards in Suspended Animation and shove them in the pantry.

Needless to say, this super 80s film is a tad random and somewhat polarizing. However, Weird Science does allow viewers to walk down memory lane with quite a few actors that you just don’t see anymore. R.I.P, Bill Paxton. 

Furthermore, Weird Science commits itself to fulfilling the dreams of young male virgins everywhere. In what other world would any adolescent dude find himself blessed with the presence of a girl who has Albert Einstein’s brain, Kelly LeBrock’s body, and insane magical powers?

Weird Science is a crazy ride of a movie, #Hindsighters, and just the kind of distraction that the world needs right now. So grab an Icee and curl up in quarantine as your beloved podcasters simulate a brand new episode.

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Prepare yourselves for our most special episode ever, #Hindsighters. Word has gotten out (thanks to Australia) about our little podcast, and, believe it or not, we’ve drawn some Hollywood attention.

This week, Darth and Jason welcome a guest who is the “star” of the movie at hand, Strike Zone. That star is … Adam Brown! Try to curb your enthusiasm; Jason was honestly just getting back at Darth for tricking him into watching Mean Girls the week previous.

Buckle up for an utterly trashtastic movie you’ve never heard of that holds the world record for most stock footage and boasts a thrilling story line where rival ex-lovers of baby-crazy Rebecca must rescue her from the city of Lost Plot Point.

Strike Zone provides the audience with all the most implausible scenarios you could ever wish for. To that end, if a bad guy won’t stop shooting your Kevlar vest, throw that bitch a ninja star. Bitches LOVE ninja stars! It takes a Hunter S. Thompson level of self-actualization (and a lot of Variant beer) to truly appreciate this type of film. You simply can’t ignore the genuinely creepy and stilted acting of a villain who looks like David Bowie on meth.

If you can find Strike Zone on video CD, you owe it to yourself to follow along as your beloved podcasters critique it. After all, you have to admire a film that runs wild with discrepancies in plot, quality, and basic human logic.

In all seriousness, #Hindsighters, join your favorite podcasters for a first-hand perspective on a movie with the one actor who delivered a believable performance. Don your tube tops, negotiate your black market arms deal, and enjoy the 2000 cinematic classic, Strike Zone!

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#Hindsighters, Darth and Jason strive to provide you with aberrant content on a weekly basis, and on this particular episode, they sure didn’t disappoint. This week, they cruised back into the 70s to discuss the lauded classic, Smokey and the Bandit!

Adam Brown donned a fake mustache to join your favorite podcasters for this special movie and his whopping 9th appearance on the show, leaving Katie trailing behind just like Buford T. Justice.

You might want to get your ears and your eyes on, good buddies, ‘cause ol’ Smokey is bound to catch up to that badass Trans Am. Crack open your legal Coors beer and enjoy our latest episode!

https://hindsight.show

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Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: This is Bat Country!

It’s a brand new season, #Hindsighters, and that means big changes! As your attorneys, Darth and Jason advise you all to subscribe to (and beware of) their podcast on Youtube, now featuring faces that only a radio could love. 

Darth celebrated this landmark episode by dressing as her idol, Johnny Depp. It’s not the first time Darth has done such and it won’t be the last.

What would prompt Darth to dress like Johnny on this particular occasion, you might ask? In the very first installment of Season 2, your favorite podcasters discuss a true cult classic, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

This episode has the absurdity, it has the nod to Gonzo Journalism, and most importantly, it has more than one Adam! What else does Hindsight have in store for you this year? Subscribe and find out!

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National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation: “We’re at the Threshold of HELL!”

#Hindsighters, Darth and Jason realize that you are mourning the ending of the first HIH season. Luckily, for all of you already missing the holidays, your favorite podcasters are going out with a Christmas classic in January. Better yet, they are accompanied by awesome returning guest, Morgan!

This film is arguably one of the most hilarious and relatable Christmas movies in all of cinema history. Christmas Vacation teaches us the valuable lesson that having relatives over for a month-long visit would quickly devolve into The Hunger Games, especially if Katherine burns the turkey again. 

In all seriousness, when Count Rugen’s brother and bitchy Elane Benes are your uptight, yuppie neighbors, adding relatives like Cousin Eddie to equation can make the Christmas season a stressful one to endure.

The best way to survive such a season is to follow this sage holiday advice:

1. Be sure to constantly chug egg nog out of moosen cups from Wally World.
2. NEVER hang a realistic Clark Griswold from the side of your house; an idiot will call the cops.
3. If you’re a plastic, light-up Santa and reindeer set, avoid the Griswold home at all costs.

Jason would argue that Santa could regenerate himself and his reindeer as the supernatural being of Christmas Vacation, but Darth doesn’t want to go there.

Hindsighters, our final thought from this Christmas season is this: Go full Griswold with your Christmas dreams. If you shoot for the moon, you might land in a backyard pool.

Darth and Jason would also like to thank each and every one of their listeners for making this such a successful first year of #HindsightIsHorrifying. Your continued listenership and support mean the world to us, and we could not be more grateful.

And before they get uppity, Darth and Jason would also like to sincerely thank each guest who has helped make these podcast episodes so special and fun. It has been a fantastic 2019, and the trolls best watch out, because 2020 is only going to be better and brighter. This is Hindsight, and good night.

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Jingle All the Way: “It’s Turbo Time!”

Adam Darby is back to make Darth and Jason feel as old as possible. Young Adam was FOUR in 1996, you guys (he totally missed the Olympics in Atlanta). But he made up for his glaringly young age with his killer Arnold impressions. He is accompanied by his delightful girlfriend, Alyssa, who is not a policeman. She’s a PRINCESS!

In this particular film, you witness Tickle Me Elmo culture at its absolute worst. The lesson gleaned from this Christmas movie is that, if you don’t get your kid a toy for Christmas, he will become Darth Methamphetamine. Also, your postman will threaten to blow up a radio DJ. So get your kid that special toy they want; Polly Pocket might be a choking hazard, but not in a David Carradine kind of way.

Jingle All the Way displays the typical 90s trope of terrible dads attempting to make up their bad behavior in extreme ways. #Hindsighters, NEVER miss your kid’s karate concert; you’ll never hear the end of it and Phil Hartman WILL try to eat your wife’s cookies.

On this podcast for the TV Generation, we never look back on our childhoods with cynicism, just friendly advice:

1. If you want to nail your neighbor’s wife, don’t forget to train your pet reindeer to attack said neighbor.
2. Booster is the Dane Cook of the Turbo Man universe.
3. “If you wanna get your cat drunk … do it responsibly.” – Jason Mitchell
4. Virtual Flashing is a thing, and fellas, we women are here to tell you that we don’t want unsolicited pictures of your junk.

#Hindsighters, this has been a fabulous Christmas season. Your favorite podcasters have thoroughly enjoyed ruining your most beloved Christmas films and have to warn you that there is only one more #HIH episode for the next few weeks. Enjoy listening to Darth and Jason while they are wild and unchecked, because 2020 will be a rude awakening with many changes to come (phrasing, first, BOOM!).

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Home Alone: “You Guys Give Up, or Are You Thirsty for More?”

In case you wonder why you suddenly can’t hear him, Jason had to abandon his own podcast (McCallister style) mid-episode. He doesn’t give two figs about you listeners. Luckily, Cece and Darth plugged along just fine without him. Jason’s disappearance may actually be a mercy in this case, because he starts the episode by having a stroke on the sound board. Just consider it an upgrade, #Hindsighters, because who WOULDN’T trade in #OldManJason for two beautiful ladies?

According to Cece, Home Alone is the ultimate comfort movie, whether you’re having a bad day, or simply being tried for murder. Either way, no amount of stress warrants banishing your 8-year-old to an unfinished attic, whether or not said attic has lighting.

On that note, #Hindsighters, Home Alone teaches us that when you do get locked in the attic for the night and subsequently wish your family out of existence, your anti-Wet Bandit game had better be strong when that wish comes true.

This isn’t to say that Darth and Jason don’t root for the Wet Bandits (who are cartoonishly impervious to pain) when they watch Home Alone. Your favorite podcasters realize and love the fact that a large portion of their fan base is compiled of badass criminals and their pet kangaroos. #Australia

Speaking of criminals, let’s all take a Christmas moment to empathize with Macaulay Culkin. The guy could use a break. His parents sucked, Michael Jackson “never” molested him, and Joe Pesci bit the poor kid’s finger so hard that he left a scar. To top it all, his fictional mother abandoned her bebe at Christmas! Your podcasters are honestly convinced that Buzz took better care of his spider than the McCallisters took care of Kevin. What the hell, Hollywoo?!?!?

On a different note altogether, #Hindsighters, while it is normally Jason boring your darling Darth Jader with conspiracy theories, Darth has to wonder if Mrs. McCallister purposely abandoned her child at Christmas in order for him to recognize his self-sufficiency. Think about it. That little kid does laundry better than most grown-ass men.

This possibility and Kevin’s insane skills at home security make your favorite podcasters yearn for a remake of Home Alone where Kevin is an integral team member to the Hans Gruber gang; John McClane won’t stand a chance. THERE’S YOUR CHRISTMAS MOVIE.

#Hindsigthers, Darth and Jason are thoroughly enjoying ruining some of your childhood favorites this holiday season. So stock up on tarantulas, paint cans, and red-hot branding irons, because this Christmas party is just getting started.

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