Hindsight is Horrifying

Vibes is one of those forgotten 80s movie gems that deserves a second look. Not a third look though. Two will do. After all, we're talking about the first (and only) cinematic pairing of the great Jeff Goldblum and the irritating Cyndi Lauper. As psychics. Heck, it even earned a star from Roger Ebert. And that's exactly one star more than he gave Death Race 2000.

Join the gang as they return to the greatest decade in movie history for the 1988 comedy, "Vibes."

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Jason has a list. It's a list of very, very bad movies. Movies that are as bad as they are...free to watch.

Alien Conquest tells the touching story of Tom Sizemore's battle with addiction and recovery, set against the backdrop of the most implausible alien invasion since "Hobgoblins." Enjoy this incompetent ripoff of "War of the Worlds" on Hindsight is Horrifying!

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The Big Hit: “Let’s go, baby! Let’s work!”

Did you ever consider the hitman’s feelings when he kidnaps you? You will when you watch this trashtastic piece of cinema starring Lou Diamond Phillips, Marky Mark, and Mark Wahlberg!

For real, #Hindsighters, what innocent catholic schoolgirl doesn’t dream about falling victim to kidnaping and inevitable Stockholm Syndrome when they’re taken hostage by someone as hot as Marky Mark?

#Hindsighters, forget about Christina Applegate (we’re kidding; even Darth knows that’s not possible) and focus on the jailbait that is China Chow in this hot cinematic nonsense.

What’s the one lesson your intrepid podcasters have learned from this movie, you ask? Sensual, non-consensual cooking inevitably leads to kosher takeout.

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This week's episode is dedicated to Jason's old friend. Dr. Rodney "Jason" Hatfield passed away suddenly on 14 July. He was a great human being and an outstanding family man. He will be missed.

Hindsighters, please consider donating to the Rodney “Jason” Hatfield memorial scholarship which will benefit Dr. Hatfield’s children. Donations can be made here.

What to say about this week's episode? Well, it's a classic of American cinema more relevant now than ever. It's the 1976 comedy that became a drama: Network.

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“It’s a bird, a stork!”: NO! It’s The Mummy Returns, where Egyptian history is made up and the reincarnation points don’t matter. 

#Hindsighters, your beloved Darth Jader is not embarrassed to admit that, as a child, she thought scarab beetles would be a much larger problem in her adult life than even quicksand, all due to what cartoons and mummy movies may have taught her.

Despite their combined efforts, Darth, Adam, and Katie cannot discern whether dying by scarabs, quicksand, or piranhas is worse. Ultimately, there is no need to fret, loyal listeners, because we know that our Desert Daddy will always come to the rescue, no matter our continent of adventure or residence.  

Enough about Oded Fehr (no such thing). Let’s talk about Brendan Fraser, and Rachel Weisz, and John Hannah, and Patricia Velasquez. Don’t feel neglected, Arnold Vosloo, because no one could forget your remarkably smooth portrayal of Imhotep; we would build sandcastle faces and crash dirigibles with you any time. 

Meanwhile, no one is concerned about the Cousin Oliver of The Mummy franchise, despite the fact that Alex is the necessary through-line for the plot of this picture (not to mention the somewhat adorably smart-arsed amalgam of Rick, Evie, and Jonathan). 

The inevitable lessons that you must take from The Mummy Returns are as follows: 

1.Whether facing pygmies or velociraptors, don’t go in the long grass. 

2.Knowing Ancient Egyptian is handy whether you’re reincarnating your recently murdered mother or destroying the god-awful CGI version of Dwayne Johnson. 

3.DO NOT stick your fingers or hands into the eye sockets of the undead or ancient Egyptian glory holes. In either instance, you’ll end up covered in goo.  

Oddly enough, The Mummy and The Mummy Returns drive home the most important lesson of life: Mortality blows. 

Fellas, take note that even reincarnated lives can be short. It doesn’t matter what army you control or which bug king you kill. If Imhotep liked it, he should have put a ring on it (but only with the Scorpion King’s diamond on top because now Jonathan’s going to lose that bling in a card game). 

Until next time, fellow Egyptologists. This has been #Hindsight, and good night.

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The gang is back from their adventure with sharks at the Georgia Aquarium. In honor of that, they've decided to watch a movie about attractive people getting in the water with sharks. It's essentially the same story, albeit with somewhat more death and nearly 12% more creepy Louisiana guy with bad teeth. It's the 2011 sexy teen / bikini / coming of age / friendship / horror / comedy / romance movie "Shark Night," directed by the guy who made Snakes on a Plane.

And Ted from Schitt's Creek is in it!

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Ed Wood was more than a man...so much more. By that, we mean he was a director. No, a filmmaker. A filmmaker who fought against the Hollywood machine to make crappy movies that have entertained generations of insomniacs (and MST3K fans). And to think he did in drag.

Join Jason, Darth, and Adam B. as they watch the 1994 Tim Burton "bio" pic about this enigmatic hero from cinema history.

And to think, Adam B. does the whole episode in drag. Full circle, folks.

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Tonight, on a very special episode of Hindsight is Horrifying, host Adam B. picks a movie in tribute of the late actor Joe Lara. Fans will remember that Adam and Joe worked together on the action movie, "Strike Zone," which we previously reviewed.

Unfortunately, given Joe's repertoire, pickings were slim so we ended up with "Tarzan in Manhattan." It's a 1989 pilot movie for a show that never went to series. After watching, we were surprised that it was actually kinda good. Sort of.

Enjoy Tony Curtis, Joe Lara, Jan Michael-Vincent, and other human beings in this romantic crime thriller noire detective comedy drama.

God, don't you miss the eighties?

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Adam and Jason are AWOL this week, so Darth has to call in an elite pair of guest hosts. Rejoice, fans, for Katie and Young Adam are back!

Being hip kids down with the streets, etc., the guests picked a topical movie from 1994. It's Kevin Smith's debut film: Clerks.

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