Hollywood Is Dead

Flawless motion picture depicting a flawless actor performing flawless time traveling while being a flawless cop. With that being said, prepare for an hour plus of Phoenix and Frank describing the film's flaws. Yes, film. It's a goddamn film.

www.LIWstudios.com

www.youtube.com/LoiteringInWonderland

In this Way Off Topic Radio / LIW crossover episode, Frank and Phoenix discuss all 5 Die Hard movies while going severely off topic the entire show. This is part 2 of a 2 part episode. In this we discuss our favorite fights/villains, Little Fingers magical transporting powers in Game Of Thrones, their favorite scenes in each movie, how upset Phoenix was that 4 was rated PG-13, how terrible 5 was and then they rate each movie.

www.liwstudios.com

youtube.com/loiteringinwonderland

In this Way Off Topic Radio / LIW crossover episode, Frank and Phoenix discuss all 5 Die Hard movies while going severely off topic the entire show. This is part 1 of a 2 part episode. This one deals mostly with our experiences with the Die Hard franchise growing up, our favorite scenes in the original trilogy and what makes Die Hard special.

www.liwstudios.com

youtube.com/loiteringinwonderland

Imagine you're a 12 year old boy and your world is shattered when your abusive family is overtaken by killer yogurt. Or is it killer? It's not made entirely clear. Maybe it's shaving cream. Or milk. Either way, this The Stuff is stored in the refridgerated and frozen section of your local grocery store. Also, it's sold on a warm display at the same store. Why? Why not, that's why. This movie from 1985 that feels like 1974 is a horror classic. Or a comedy classic. Or whatever it is, it's classic. Have you ever begged for a perfect blend of Disturbing Behavior and Halloween III? Your prayers have been answered. THE STUFF!

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This was a miserable experience. The Sharknado series has... jumped the shark. I know I'm not the first person to say it, obviously, but it's true. The series is officially just another Scary/Epic Movie series in which celebrities say 3 words and walk off camera. That's it. That was the joke. Carrot Top drives an Uber? WHAT? How hilarious is that? It is exactly as funny as Dog The Bounty Hunter selling chainsaws in a small town. So, it isn't funny. Fuck Dog The Bounty Hunter. He's not even human. Most of this episode is about Dog and how terrible he is. Anyway, sharks suck and so does The Asylum. This description wasn't meant to sound this pretend edgy but it's 3 am and this movie isn't worth talking about seriously. www.LIWstudios.com

Steven Seagal is turning into a South Park caricature of himself. In this direct to DVD movie, Steven plays a lazy sniper with minimal dialogue so that the actor himself doesn't have to do anything. Add in some fake blood and terrible acting and you've got yourself a Loitering In Wonderland movie. Also, to whoever made this movie: learn how to use green screen. It looks worse than the early American't episodes.

The Asylum makes terrible movies in hopes that you'll rent the wrong movie instead of the Hollywood blockbuster with a similar name/poster. Fuck them hard. Phoenix did an internship there for a bit when he was in film school. We've reviewed their movies on this show before (Sharknado 2 & 3) but this one is quite terrible. What's the plot? Good fucking question. Phoenix still doesn't know and he watched the movie then discussed it for 35 minutes. He almost gave up 15 minutes into this but decided to press on. Get past that point in this episode and it gets better.

It's October so Phoenix watched and reviewed a Halloween-ish movie, Edward Scissorhands which he hadn't seen since about 1994 when The Crow took over his goth needs. He runs down the plot of the movie, doesn't understand why scissors are acceptable replacements for hands, doesn't understand how Edward got 15 foot blocks of ice into his attic when he lived alone and had scissors for hands, he didn't remember that Edward was a robot, doesn't get why Anthony Michael Hall had to do such a complicated plan to get a mattress in his creepy van and then sums up the movie, Johnny Depp and Tim Burton / Bim Turton to end the show. www.loiteringinwonderland.com Check out the other shows on the LIW network on iTunes, YouTube and Stitcher! 1. The Phoenix West Show! - (weekly comedy news show, available every Monday) 2. LIW Improv Theater - (completely improvised comedy show, available every Monday and Friday) 3. LIW Movie Review - (monthly movie review comedy show, available 1st of the month) 4. LIW Nic Cage Cast - (reviewing a different Nic Cage film every episode, sporadic) 5. LIW The Twilight Zone Review - (reviewing the show The Twilight Zone, watch TZ on Netflix then listen to Phoenix make fun of the show despite loving the shit out of TZ, sporadic) 6. LIW (Fear) The Walking Dead Review - (reviewing both Fear The Walking Dead AND The Walking Dead, available shortly after each episode airs) 7. LIW American Horror Story Review - (reviewing American Horror Story, available shortly after each episode airs) 8. LIW Fargo Review - (reviewing the TV show Fargo, available shortly after each episode airs) 9. LIW Gotham Review - (reviewing the FOX show Gotham, available shortly after each episode airs) 10. LIW Chicago Sports Review - (reviewing Chicago sports, sporadic) (Bulls, Blackhawks, Bears, White Sox, Cubs, Sky) 11. LIW NBA Review - (Phoenix West reviews the NBA in a comedic way)